I lost my sight when I was four years old by falling off a box car in a freight yard in Atlantic City and landing on my head. Now I am thirty-two. I can vaguely remember the brightness of sunshine and what red color is. It would be wonderful to see again, but a calamity can do strange things to people.
It occurred to me the other day that I might not have come to love life as I do if I hadnt been blind. I believe in life now. I am not so sure that I would have believed in it so deeply, otherwise. I dont mean that I would prefer to go without my eyes. I simply mean that the loss of them made me appreciate the more what I had left.
Life, I believe, asks a continuous series of adjustments to reality. The more readily a person is able to make these adjustments, the more meaningful his own private world becomes. The adjustment is never easy. I was bewildered and afraid. But I was lucky. My parents and my teachers saw something in me—a potential to live, you might call it —which I didnt see, and they made me want to fight it out with blindness.
The hardest lesson I had to learn was to believe in myself. That was basic. If I hadnt been able to do that, I would have collapsed and become a chair rocker on the front porch for the rest of my life. When I say belief in myself I am not talking about simply the kind of self-confidence that helps me down an unfamiliar staircase alone. That is part of it. But I mean something bigger than that: an assurance that I am, despite imperfections, a real, positive person that somewhere in the sweeping, intricate pattern of people there is a special place where I can make myself fit.
It took me years to discover and strengthen this assurance. It had to start with the most elementary things. Once a man gave me an indoor baseball, I thought he was mocking me and I was hurt. “I cant use this,” I said. “Take it with you,” he urged me, “and roll it around.” The words stuck in my head. Then at Philadelphias Overbrook School for the Blind I invented a successful variation of baseball. We called it “Ground Ball”.
All my life I have set ahead of is a series of goals and then tried to reach them, one at a time. I had to learn my limitations. It was no good to try for something I knew at the start was wildly out of reach because that only invited the bitterness of failure. I would fail sometimes anyway but on the average I made progress. That is the power of believing in myself.
4歲那年在大西洋城,我從貨場一輛兩廂車上摔下來,頭先著地,造成了雙目失明?,F(xiàn)在我已經(jīng)32歲了。我還能依稀地記得陽光是多么燦爛,紅色是多么鮮艷。如果能恢復(fù)視覺固然非常好,但災(zāi)難有時也能對人產(chǎn)生奇妙的作用。
有一天我突然想到,倘若不是盲人,我或許不會像現(xiàn)在這樣如此地?zé)釔凵睢,F(xiàn)在的我相信生活,但我不能肯定如果我沒有失明,會不會像現(xiàn)在這樣對生活堅(jiān)信不移。我并不是說我愿意成為盲人,我只是想說失去視力使我更加珍惜自己的所有。
我認(rèn)為,生活要求人不斷地調(diào)整自我以適應(yīng)現(xiàn)實(shí)。人的調(diào)整能力越強(qiáng),他的個人世界便會變得越有意義。調(diào)整決非易事。我曾感到茫然害怕,但我很幸運(yùn),我的父母和老師在我身上發(fā)現(xiàn)了某種東西——可以稱之為生存的潛力吧——而我自己卻并不知道。是他們激勵我與失明拼搏到底。
我必須學(xué)會的最艱難的一課就是相信自己,這是最基本的。如果做不到這一點(diǎn),我的人就會垮掉,然后坐在前門廊的搖椅中度過余生。我所說的相信自己并不單純地指相信自己能獨(dú)自走下陌生的樓梯,那只是一方面。我指的是更重要的東西:是堅(jiān)信自己雖然有缺陷,卻是一個真正的有進(jìn)取心的人;堅(jiān)信在蕓蕓眾生錯綜復(fù)雜的格局當(dāng)中,自有我可以安身立命的一席之地。
我花了很長時間才堅(jiān)定了這一信念。這要從最簡單的事做起。有一次一個人給我一個室內(nèi)玩的棒球,我以為他在嘲笑我,心里很難受?!拔彝娌涣诉@個?!蔽艺f。“拿著吧,你可以讓它在地面滾動的?!彼吡裎?。他的話觸動了我。隨后,在費(fèi)城的奧弗布魯克盲人學(xué)校,我發(fā)明了一種很受歡迎的棒球游戲,我們稱其為“地面球”。
我的一生中給自己樹立了一系列目標(biāo),然后努力去完成,一次完成一個。我必須清楚自己的局限,若開始就知道某個目標(biāo)根本達(dá)不到卻硬要去實(shí)現(xiàn),那不會帶來任何好處,只會帶來失敗的苦果。我有時也會失敗,但一般來說總會取得進(jìn)步。這就是相信自己帶來的力量。