MISHMASH

CARP CATASTROPHE TO CHINESE CHOW

Americans have a problem in the form of carp, specifically the Asian carp. The invasive species is disastrously filling the Mississippi River's ecosystem. However, these fish are dying out in China, largely because Chinese diners prefer them in a way Americans don't. One company saw this need and is making an effort, mainly by selling one million pounds of Asian carp to China so far this year, capitalizing on the ecosystem disaster. Chinese media sourceReference Newsattributed America's conundrum to a lack of appreciation for freshwater fish and knowledge on how to cook the Asian carp properly. Some locals have tried the Chinese style Asian carp and been pleasantly surprised. But, of course, it will be a long time before Americans indulge in the Asian carp enough to eliminate it. Incidentally, another species called the Chinese mitten crab (大閘蟹) is also endangering the water systems in North America and Europe, and they also happen to be a delicacy in Chinese cuisine. One country's catastrophe, is another country's treasure. - WEIJING ZHU (祝偉婧)

FIT TO BE STOLEN

Some lose weight to be healthier, some for the thigh gap, and others lose weight to steal. A man in his early 20s from a small town in Zhejiang Province discovered that restaurants in his town had particularly large openings in their windows. So, as you do, he went on a hardcore diet complete with rigorous exercise, so he could squeeze through the windows. He went veggie, ran ten kilometers a day, and eventually lost enough weight to commit the (near) perfect crime. From July to August, the man managed to squeeze through the windows and doors of multiple establishments and stole around 20,000 RMB in total. As China News reported, he easily stole from stores ten times in a month, but he “eventually ‘squeezed into' a detention center”. But, who knows, maybe the Thief Diet will be the next big craze. - W.Z.

APPLES FOR APPLES

For sales manager Liu in Wuchang, his bonus last month turned out to be a little less grand than expected. It started with the attempt of Liu's boss to motivate his employees by promising each of the sales team an “apple six”(Chinese colloquial lingo for the iPhone 6) if they met the sales goal of 300,000 RMB that month. Driven by the reward, Liu and his team far surpassed the benchmark. The next day, the team waited for their reward with excitement, only to be handed six apples, each with a big number “six” written on them. Their boss explained that it was a celebration for the joyous event, which also signified hopes for good fortune, and encouraged the team to continue bringingin revenue for the company. Sadly, when Liu consulted a law firm, he found out that a verbal promise could not be taken as real evidence, nor could he prove that the “apple six” was supposed to be an “iPhone 6”. As everyone knows, there is no legal recourse for your boss just being a colossal bastard. - W.Z.

TRIPLE THE HUSBANDS, TRIPLE THE TROUBLE

In TV shows, people maintain multiple identities and live different lives because they are spies, killers, or on the lam. For a Nanjing woman named Li Xue, the motive was much simpler. Li was married to her husband, Zhou Tong, for six years, having met online in 2008. The couple then moved in together, but Zhou was often away on business. This August, Zhou found a wedding picture of his wife and another man—along with unfamiliar clothes hidden deep in the closet. He eventually found the man, Liu Gang, who claimed to be married to one Zhang Juan, who turned out to be Li. Shocked at the news, Liu's brother recalled the wife of a coworker, whose name was also Li Xue. The coworker turned out to be Li's third husband, Chen Bing. Li was arrested on charge of bigamy. According to her confession, she started dating Chen first, who owns the apartment she lived in with her two other husbands. As the couple were waiting for Chen's parents to agree to their marriage, Chen was too busy with work to stay with Li. This gave her the chance to dispel her loneliness by meeting Zhou, marrying him, and inviting him to move in in 2008. However, Zhou was also often away. So, Li met Liu on a dating website and got married again in 2010 using a fake ID. As Zhou and Liu traveled a lot and Chen lived in the city center, Li was able to coordinate the three husbands' schedules, rearrange the home before each of them arrived, switch wedding photos and clothes, and generally put on a whole new life. But, romantic to the last, she claims she didn't do it for the money, saying her love for all three men was genuine. - W.Z.

DON'T LEAVE HOME WITHOUT IT

Hardly anyone carries cash anymore, and it's a problem for the good ol' fashioned business of mugging. A man living in Shenzhen tried to solve this problem by going hightech. The criminal was being pushed by loan sharks to pay back 100,000 RMB when he decided on a mark: a woman renting out her apartment online. After he followed her into her apartment, he put a knife to her throat and tied her up with phone cords. There was less than 100 RMB in her wallet, but, fortunately, he had his POS device. So, he forced the lady to spill her password, swiped all of her six cards, and transferred 2,000 RMB into his own account. Unsatisfied, the man also made her write a note promising to wire 50,000 RMB more the next day under the threat of death. That same day, police arrested the culprit after the landlady reported the robbery. - W.Z.