徐雪梅

情景作文，即看圖寫(xiě)作，是高考英語(yǔ)書(shū)面表達(dá)題的常見(jiàn)形式，要求同學(xué)們根據(jù)對(duì)圖畫(huà)內(nèi)容的細(xì)心觀察，充分發(fā)揮自己的想象力和理解力，深刻理解作者通過(guò)圖畫(huà)所傳達(dá)的信息，進(jìn)而有條理、有重點(diǎn)、生動(dòng)準(zhǔn)確地把圖畫(huà)內(nèi)容加工成書(shū)面語(yǔ)言。這類(lèi)題一般提供4—6幅圖，畫(huà)面內(nèi)容通常涉及日常生活，甚至大多數(shù)是同學(xué)們自己經(jīng)歷過(guò)的。本文將以北京卷情景作文為例，詳細(xì)探討情景作文的寫(xiě)作技巧。

一、高考情景作文評(píng)分標(biāo)準(zhǔn)（以北京卷為例）

（一）評(píng)分總原則

1.本題總分為20分，按5個(gè)檔次給分。

2.評(píng)分時(shí)，先根據(jù)文章的內(nèi)容和語(yǔ)言質(zhì)量初步確定其檔次，然后以該檔次的要求來(lái)衡量，確定或調(diào)整檔次，最后給分。

3.評(píng)分時(shí)應(yīng)考慮內(nèi)容要點(diǎn)的完整性、上下文的連貫性、詞匯和句式的多樣性及語(yǔ)言的準(zhǔn)確性。

4.拼寫(xiě)、標(biāo)點(diǎn)符號(hào)或書(shū)寫(xiě)影響內(nèi)容表達(dá)時(shí)，應(yīng)視其影響程度予以考慮。英、美拼寫(xiě)及詞匯用法均可接受。

5.詞數(shù)少于60，從總分中減去1分。

（二）高分作文的給分要求

二、情景作文寫(xiě)作流程

· 例題· 假設(shè)你是李華，光明中學(xué)的學(xué)生。寒假期間你參加了社區(qū)居委會(huì)組織的社區(qū)服務(wù)活動(dòng)。請(qǐng)你按照?qǐng)D片順序，以“Community Service”為題，向?qū)W校英文校刊投稿，介紹這次活動(dòng)的情況。

注意：1. 文章開(kāi)頭已為你寫(xiě)好；2. 詞數(shù)不少于60；3. 參考詞匯（sports facilities體育設(shè)施）。

During the winter vacation， the students in our class joined in the meaningful activity， in which all of us did our bit for the community.

（一）審中文信息，確定幾大要素

“磨刀不誤砍柴工”，審題是否清楚是一篇書(shū)面表達(dá)成功與否的關(guān)鍵所在，在整個(gè)寫(xiě)作過(guò)程中起著決定性作用。審題時(shí)要做到以下幾點(diǎn)：

1. 審要求

書(shū)面表達(dá)試題一般都由“情景”和“要求”兩部分構(gòu)成。“情景”中包括所寫(xiě)材料的目的、對(duì)象、時(shí)間、地點(diǎn)、內(nèi)容等，一般在題目的前半部分；而“要求”一般在題目的后半部分，以“注意”的形式給出。因而考生對(duì)題目所提供的說(shuō)明，應(yīng)認(rèn)真分析、反復(fù)推敲，弄清楚提出的內(nèi)容要求，抓住所要表達(dá)的信息點(diǎn)。

2. 審文體

高考書(shū)面表達(dá)的體裁一般有記敘文、說(shuō)明文和應(yīng)用文三大類(lèi)，具體形式有便條、日記、通知、書(shū)信、人物描寫(xiě)、事件講述、看圖說(shuō)話(huà)、縮寫(xiě)、擴(kuò)寫(xiě)、改寫(xiě)等。審題時(shí)要審清文體，注意每種文體的不同格式。

3. 審人稱(chēng)

審查題干中隱含的讀者對(duì)象和撰寫(xiě)人，即此篇文章是由誰(shuí)寫(xiě)給誰(shuí)的。寫(xiě)稿人是誰(shuí)一般都已明確指出，如“假設(shè)你是李華”，寫(xiě)作時(shí)即用第一人稱(chēng)“我”。而讀者對(duì)象有時(shí)沒(méi)有明示，要同學(xué)們自己去判斷。

4. 審時(shí)態(tài)

根據(jù)情景判斷短文需要的主體時(shí)態(tài)，即搞清楚要寫(xiě)的是什么時(shí)候的事。例如，日記是敘述過(guò)去發(fā)生的事情，自然要用過(guò)去時(shí)，而通知多用將來(lái)時(shí)。

針對(duì)例題，審題結(jié)果如下：

（二）審圖片信息，列出寫(xiě)作提綱

寫(xiě)作文時(shí)，一定要切題，緊扣中心，抓住要點(diǎn)；不要任意發(fā)揮，畫(huà)蛇添足，也不要丟三落四，使得要點(diǎn)不全。要通過(guò)對(duì)提示或圖畫(huà)、圖表的觀察和分析，獲取與寫(xiě)作內(nèi)容有關(guān)的主要信息，并按一定的邏輯順序排列起來(lái)，列出寫(xiě)作提綱并構(gòu)思結(jié)尾。

注意：不要添加與圖無(wú)關(guān)的細(xì)節(jié)，例如針對(duì)圖1添加一句“We kept talking until midnight. The grandma invited us to dinner...”，這是畫(huà)蛇添足的表現(xiàn)。

（三）選詞組句，連句成篇，形成初稿

在體裁明確、中心突出、要點(diǎn)清晰的前提下，應(yīng)該選擇自己最熟悉、最有把握的詞語(yǔ)和句型，將要點(diǎn)逐條表達(dá)出來(lái)。表達(dá)時(shí)，應(yīng)該綜合運(yùn)用所掌握的知識(shí)，避開(kāi)生僻的詞匯，并克服母語(yǔ)的干擾，用地道的英語(yǔ)表達(dá)出來(lái)，力求做到語(yǔ)言準(zhǔn)確無(wú)誤；根據(jù)要點(diǎn)選詞組句，然后按照篇章結(jié)構(gòu)連句成篇。在這一過(guò)程中，要注意選擇恰當(dāng)?shù)谋硎静⒘?、遞進(jìn)、因果或轉(zhuǎn)折意義的過(guò)渡詞（如and，then，but，however，besides，thus，soon，first，second，finally等），把所有要點(diǎn)、句子連接起來(lái)，使句子之間意思連貫，文章結(jié)構(gòu)銜接得好，力求條理清楚，脈絡(luò)清晰，層次分明。

下面我們來(lái)看看一位同學(xué)針對(duì)例題寫(xiě)出的作文：

During the winter vacation， the students in our community joined in the meaningful activity， in which all of us did our bit for our community.

①I(mǎi)n her home， we went to visit an old lady. We swept the floor and wiped the windows. One of us chatted with her and the rest helped do a cleaning. Then the house looked really neat and tidy.

②There are different sports facilities which needed polishing. Then we went to the sports center. Soon everything was clean. We also picked up the rubbish on the grass.

③We put up New Year decorations on the board and a poster with “Happy New Year” on it. The Spring Festival was around the corner.

④Although we were tired， we felt happy. Having done all these， we saw a more pleasant community.

點(diǎn)評(píng)：這篇作文覆蓋了內(nèi)容要點(diǎn)，但缺少部分細(xì)節(jié)；簡(jiǎn)單連接，內(nèi)容連貫，句與句之間連接自然；詞匯潤(rùn)色不夠，還有添加的余地；雖然有一些用詞錯(cuò)誤，但不影響理解，達(dá)到了預(yù)期的寫(xiě)作效果；較好地完成了寫(xiě)作任務(wù)——屬于三檔文（12分）。

（四）修改初稿，給文章潤(rùn)色

第一，對(duì)自己的初稿進(jìn)行潤(rùn)色，可以從以下三個(gè)方面著手：一潤(rùn)句式（使用從句、非謂語(yǔ)、特殊句式等），強(qiáng)化語(yǔ)言感染力；二潤(rùn)詞匯（準(zhǔn)確使用較高級(jí)的單詞、詞組和豐富的表達(dá)），提高語(yǔ)言質(zhì)量；三潤(rùn)過(guò)渡、關(guān)聯(lián)（使用恰當(dāng)?shù)倪^(guò)渡詞和過(guò)渡句），使文章結(jié)構(gòu)清晰、情節(jié)發(fā)展自然。第二，可以從每個(gè)具體活動(dòng)的原因、目的和活動(dòng)后的結(jié)果進(jìn)行合理的展開(kāi)，添加必要的細(xì)節(jié)，讓全文語(yǔ)言更生動(dòng)、內(nèi)容更具體。第三，在結(jié)尾段，真切自然地表達(dá)個(gè)人的真實(shí)感受、收獲、責(zé)任，活動(dòng)的重要性和意義等，以升華情感，增強(qiáng)文章的力度。

根據(jù)這三個(gè)修改步驟，上文的①—④段可改成：

①To begin with， we went to visit an old lady who lived alone. In her home， to keep her company， one of us was chatting with her over a cup of tea while the rest were helping do a cleaning， for （as） its a tradition for Chinese to have houses cleaned thoroughly before Spring Festival. Not only did we sweep the floor， dust the table but we also wiped the windows. After that， the house looked really neat and tidy.

②Then we went to the sports center where different sports facilities needed polishing. We set out to work at once. Soon everything was clean. Tired but eager to do more， we also picked up the litter on the grass， which would surely please all of the residents./ We completed this task because of the perfect teamwork.

③As the Spring Festival was around the corner， we put up New Year decorations on the billboard and a poster with “Happy Chinese New Year” on it. In no time the community was immersed in a happy， harmonious and festive atmosphere.

④Having done all these， we saw a more pleasant community. Although we were tired， we felt happy.

（五）復(fù)查糾錯(cuò)，精益求精

通讀全文，檢查內(nèi)容是否符合要求，要點(diǎn)是否齊全，格式是否正確，詞數(shù)是否合乎要求。最主要的是檢查句子是否符合英語(yǔ)習(xí)慣，語(yǔ)法是否正確（包括句子結(jié)構(gòu)、時(shí)態(tài)、語(yǔ)態(tài)、主謂一致等），單詞是否誤寫(xiě)、少寫(xiě)，習(xí)語(yǔ)搭配是否得當(dāng)，字母大小寫(xiě)、標(biāo)點(diǎn)符號(hào)是否正確等，這就要求考生在定稿前仔細(xì)核對(duì)，及時(shí)發(fā)現(xiàn)并改正問(wèn)題。

（六）規(guī)范書(shū)寫(xiě)，保持卷面整潔

書(shū)面表達(dá)能力不僅反映在表達(dá)內(nèi)容上，也反映在書(shū)寫(xiě)效果上。一定要做到書(shū)寫(xiě)規(guī)范，字跡工整，卷面整潔，標(biāo)點(diǎn)符號(hào)使用正確，使別人看起來(lái)有耳目一新之感，從而提高自己的得分檔次。

三、高分作文賞析

Throughout the vacation， we visited the homes of elderly people living alone. While most of us wiped the surfaces of doors， windows and tables and swept the floor， the most talkative of the group would sit down and chat with the owner of the house to keep him or her company. It was always such a delight to see their faces light up upon seeing us.

We also devoted a large part of our time to working outside in the neighborhood. Having been put into use for a long period， the outdoor community fitness center needed a great deal of cleaning. The dirt was hard to scrape off， but fortunately we brought a bucket of water with us， which made cleaning the sports facilities so much easier， though you wont believe how murky（混濁的） the water became in the end！ Afterwards， we went trash-hunting and filled the bin bags we brought with us with garbage found on the paths and patches of grass near the apartment buildings.

As the Spring Festival drew near， we helped put up the decorations. On the community notice boards were colorful posters that we had spent ages making and bore pictures of the tiger， the new years symbol. Whats more， we put up a long red banner（橫幅、大標(biāo)題） wishing everyone a happy Chinese New Year. Before long， the neighborhood was drowned in lively festive atmosphere.

After our work was done， everyone had so much to say and write about. There are some things that simply cant be achieved by hiding in your home playing computer games. You have to get out there and do something， and in our case， it was helping to make our community a lovelier place to live in.

點(diǎn)評(píng)：全篇結(jié)構(gòu)完整，內(nèi)容要點(diǎn)齊全，描述的語(yǔ)句豐富，上下文連貫，有效地使用了語(yǔ)句間的連接成分，各個(gè)段落之間、句與句之間契合性強(qiáng)，首尾照應(yīng)。使用了較高級(jí)的詞匯和短語(yǔ)，句式豐富，比如使用復(fù)合句、非謂語(yǔ)、介詞短語(yǔ)等。全篇基本沒(méi)有語(yǔ)法和用詞錯(cuò)誤，體現(xiàn)了較強(qiáng)的語(yǔ)言運(yùn)用能力。語(yǔ)言地道流暢，無(wú)論是詞語(yǔ)的使用還是句式的變化，都是水到渠成。

在剩下這段考前的沖刺時(shí)間里，建議同學(xué)們一方面在作文訓(xùn)練中大膽用詞，變換句式，充分發(fā)揮語(yǔ)言的綜合運(yùn)用能力；另一方面經(jīng)常找老師面批作文，改寫(xiě)二稿，其實(shí)修改的過(guò)程恰恰是寫(xiě)作水平快速提升的過(guò)程，好的文章一定是經(jīng)過(guò)反復(fù)推敲的。對(duì)于情景作文，同學(xué)們可以整理以前寫(xiě)過(guò)的作文，按話(huà)題分類(lèi)，歸納不同話(huà)題下常用的語(yǔ)言表達(dá)，背誦不同話(huà)題的范文，并將自己的作文與范文進(jìn)行對(duì)比，爭(zhēng)取在遣詞造句、謀篇布局等方面不斷突破。