You’ve got questions, she’s got answers (but you probably won’t like them)

Why do people have to talk so loud on their phones when they are on the train？ It bothers me！ I plan to stand up next time and ask them to keep it to themselves. What do you recommend？

Mobile Man

Shut up and be a good 傾聽者?（q～ngt～ngzh0， listener）！ These passengers are nice enough to 開誠布公?（k`ich9ng b&g4ng， speak frankly and sincerely） in front a group of total 陌生人?（m7sh8ngr9n， strangers）. The least you can do is satisfy your appetite for 八卦?（b`gu3， gossip）; its what they would want. Throw in some advice， too. For the girl whos complaining about her cheating boyfriend， tell her just break up with that 花心大蘿卜?（hu`x～n d3lu5bo， flower-hearted radish， playboy）. For the man closing a business deal， walk up to him and yell， “還錢！ （Hu1nqi1n！ Give my money back?。?Dont be afraid of getting told off. It was going to happen anyway.

Wise Ayi， I would like to know if you have any suggestions for living a green life. I live in Beijing and want to cut my carbon footprint.

Jim Green

If you live in Beijing， you are already very 環(huán)境友好?（hu1nj#ng y6uh2o， environmentally friendly）. Think about it， you share an apartment with several other people and you dont own a car. You take the subway or bus for your 通勤?（t4ngq！n， commute）， which often go out of their limited capacity to stuff inside as many passengers as possible. The only way you can be greener is to 屏住呼吸?（b@ngzh& h$x～， hold your breath） altogether， which is not a bad idea considering the smog. That being said， you can always give up the modern way of living and move to a village without electricity.

My girlfriend is obsessed with online shopping. She often spends her entire months salary on clothes， shoes， and makeup. My mum is not happy about it， saying she will ruin my life if we ever get married. What should I do？

Thrifty Tang

Are you kidding me？ You deserve to 孤獨終老?（g$d% zh4ngl2o， grow old and die alone）. Look at all the 單身狗?（d`nsh8ng6u， single dogs， single people）， you are going to be one of them if you ever dare to mention it in front of her. Havent you heard the old saying？ 女為悅己者容?（N） w-i yu- j@ zh0 r5ng， ladies try to look good for those who please them.） You should be 感激涕零?（g2nj～ t#l！ng， shedding tears of gratitude）. So go be a real man， and make more money for her to spend！

Got questions for our Agony Ayi？ Send them to agonyayi@theworldofchinese.com