我在哈佛的經(jīng)歷簡直是噩夢

譯/Marian 2011 繪/迷失嘟嘟

我在哈佛的經(jīng)歷簡直是噩夢

What I Have Experienced in Harvard University Was Just Nightmares

譯/Marian 2011 繪/迷失嘟嘟

Eric Kester ex perienced the Harvard no one talks about.

His tenure①tenure 英 ［'tenj?］ 美 ［'t?nj?］ n. 任期；占有 vt. 授予……終身職位at Harvard is the stuff of nightmares. He survived a brush with②brush with 擦身而過eg. But he couldn't forget his brush with fame and fortune. 但他仍對與榮譽和財富擦肩而過的往事耿耿于懷。a cheating ring, being locked out of his dorm on the first day of school in just his boxers, and being the only one of his friends to move home jobless after graduation.

Kester wrote a humor column f or T he C ri ms on, Harv ard's student newspaper, and wrote for CollegeHumor.com after graduating. Once a publisher read about his mishaps③mishaps mishap的復(fù)數(shù)形式 mishap英 ［'m?sh?p］ 美 ［'m?sh?p］ n. 災(zāi)禍；不幸事故；晦氣at Harvard, Kester was encouraged to write a book.

"Everyone seemed more accomplished than me, better than me," Kester said. "That's a lot of the same anxiety at any college, but it's really intensified④intensified加強的there at Harvard."

Kest er's lack of conf idence was justified: A t Harvard, he was surrounded by brilliant minds. Kester also joked (well, actually he was serious) that everyone at Harvard was valedictorian⑤valedictorian 英 ［,v?l?d?k't??r??n］ 美 ［'v?l?d?k't?r??n］ n. 告別演說者；致告別辭者of their high school class.

Kester couldn't catch a break⑥catch a break 交好運；松口氣eg. Smart phone users just can't seem to catch a break. 智能手機用戶似乎都沒機會喘口氣了。from the start. On his first day at school, freshman move-in day, he locked himself out of his dorm room. He was wearing just his boxers. To get the spare key to his room, Kester had to walk across Harvard Y ard, which was filled with hundreds of students and parents, in just his underwear.

"All these classmates I wanted to impress essentially just saw me do a walk of shame, Kester said. "It made every interaction after that much more anxiety ridden."

Kester continued to struggle with academics and what he wanted to major in. The pressure of Harvard's culture started to push him in the wrong direction.

Cue the cheating club. Classmates knew Kest er was st ruggling in classes and looking for an easy way to succeed. He had a class with someone in a cheating ring, who introduced him to the seedy⑦seedy 英 ［'si?d?］ 美 ［'sidi］ adj. 多種子的；結(jié)籽的；破爛的；沒精打采的；下流的world of cheaters at one of the world's most prestigious⑧prestigious 英 ［pre'st?d??s］ 美 ［pr?'st?d??s］ adj. 有名望的；享有聲望的universities. "It found me," he said.

T he cheating ring was here to help and Kester's contact wanted to give him all the information about the most common ways to cheat. The most utilized and easiest way to cheat at Harvard is hiding answers in the bathroom. The cheating ring encouraged Kester to v isit the bathroom during tests and take advantage of the answers hidden there, but at the last moment he backed out, afraid to jeopardize⑨jeopardize 英 ［'d?ep?da?z］ 美 ［'d??p?da?z］ vt. 危害；使陷危地；使受危困his academic career.

Kester admits in the book's Note From the Author that he wrote this book to impress a girl and to impress all of his classmates who went on to big business jobs after graduation—even though he just moved home to live with his parents.

He also hopes readers understand that there are good people at Harvard, many of whom made his tumultuous⑩tumultuous 英 ［tj?'m?ltj??s］ 美 ［tu'm?lt?u?s］ adj. 吵鬧的；騷亂的；狂暴的college career worth it. Kester, now 26, currently teaches at Middlesex School outside of Boston.

"I understand this isn't the Harvard everyone experienced," Kester said. "But I hope anyone reading the book, someone going into college, or an alumnus, can relate to the anxieties we all have about college."

埃里克·凱斯特從沒向別人提起過他所經(jīng)歷的別樣哈佛生活。

他的哈佛學(xué)習(xí)經(jīng)歷如同噩夢一般?？荚嚂r險些作弊，入學(xué)第一天僅穿一條四角短褲把自己鎖在宿舍外，畢業(yè)后朋友們都找到了工作而自己卻待業(yè)在家。

凱斯特曾為哈佛校報《緋紅》撰寫過一個搞笑欄目，畢業(yè)后還為CollegeHumor.com網(wǎng)站投稿。一個出版商偶爾讀到關(guān)于他在哈佛的悲慘經(jīng)歷，就鼓勵他寫作出書。

“大家看起來都比我成功，比我優(yōu)秀，” 凱斯特說，“任何大學(xué)的很多學(xué)生都存在這樣的焦慮，可實際上哈佛學(xué)生的感覺來得更強烈。”

凱斯特缺乏自信也在情理之中，哈佛大學(xué)里人才濟濟，凱斯特還開玩笑說（其實他是認(rèn)真的）：哈佛學(xué)生都曾代表他們的高中班級致過告別辭。

霉運從一開始就纏上了凱斯特。入學(xué)第一天，也就是新生入學(xué)日，他把自己鎖在宿舍門外，當(dāng)時只穿一條內(nèi)褲。如此裝束的凱斯特必須穿過聚集著上千名學(xué)生和家長的哈佛校園，才能拿到備用鑰匙。

“基本上所有我的同學(xué)都目睹了這令人難堪的一幕，我本來想給他們留下好印象的?！眲P斯特說，“這使我在以后的同學(xué)交往中更加憂心忡忡?！?/p>

凱斯特的學(xué)術(shù)和專業(yè)道路同樣坎坷不平。來自哈佛文化的壓力開始把他推向錯誤的方向。

作弊俱樂部注意到他。同學(xué)們都知道凱斯特在學(xué)習(xí)上焦頭爛額，而且正在尋找成功的捷徑。他和某作弊俱樂部的一位成員同時上過課，這位同學(xué)把他帶入世界上最負(fù)盛名的高等學(xué)府之一哈佛污濁的作弊生世界。“可以說，它發(fā)現(xiàn)了我?！彼f。

作弊俱樂部旨在為作弊者提供幫助，凱斯特的聯(lián)系人希望他掌握最常用的作弊手段。最常用也最簡單的辦法就是把答案藏在衛(wèi)生間里。作弊俱樂部鼓勵凱斯特考試時借口去衛(wèi)生間，趁機搞到藏在那里的答案。但在關(guān)鍵時刻，他因擔(dān)心危及自己的學(xué)業(yè)而退縮了。

凱斯特在該書的《編者按》中坦承，雖然他現(xiàn)在又搬回了父母的家跟他們住在一起，但他還是希望借這本書能給一個女孩和畢業(yè)后為大企業(yè)工作的所有同學(xué)留下深刻印象。

他同時希望讀者們明白，哈佛還是有優(yōu)秀學(xué)生的，他們中許多人沒有在喧囂的大學(xué)生活中虛度年華。現(xiàn)年26歲的凱斯特目前在波士頓城郊的米德爾塞克斯學(xué)校任教。

“我知道，這不是大家眼中的哈佛，” 凱斯特說，“但我希望，讀這本書的每個人、即將踏入大學(xué)校門的學(xué)子或畢業(yè)生，都能夠認(rèn)同我們大家都有所體會的大學(xué)焦慮?！?/p>