孫佳慧

Linguistic advice for when youre broke and need a loan人生在世，總歸避不開(kāi)借錢(qián)與還錢(qián)那些事兒.

Your true friends will be there through thick and thin， good and bad—unless you need money. Oh， yes， your friends will be there when you want to talk about your colorectal surgery or Big Bang Theory fan fiction， but the moment you need a loan， youll find them staring at their shoes and kicking the dirt. Nothing kills a good friendship like loaning or borrowing cash， but， sometimes you have no other choice. Here are some tips on asking for a handout in Chinese without killing your friendships.

The first thing that one should keep in mind is that you should probably not use the word “money.” People prefer to describe their difficulty in a more euphemistic manner； for that there is 手頭緊 （sh6ut5u j@n）， which roughly means “tight fists.” If you dont want to give a specific description about what happened to you， you can go with this all-purpose term：

Its hard to explain， but recently my fists are a little tight. So， I have to come to you for help.

Zh8n b& h2oy#si k`ik6u， d3nsh# w6 zu#j#n sh6ut5u y6udi2nr j@n， zh@h2o zh2o n@ b`ngm1ng.

真不好意思開(kāi)口，但是我最近手頭有點(diǎn)兒緊，只好找你幫忙。

There you go. Now no one needs to know that you gambled all your money away or that you spent it on that nice Nigerian prince you met online. Its hard to explain， so cough up. They may ask：

Well， how much do you need？

N@ x$y3o du4shao qi1n？

你需要多少錢(qián)？

Say the number and add “你方便嗎 （N@ f`ngbi3n ma）？” This “Are you convenient？” has at least two meanings： “Do you have enough money at hand？” and “Are you willing to lend it to me？” Regardless， it looks like a yes-or-no question.

A： I need 5，000 RMB. Is that convenient？

W6 x$y3o w^qi`n ku3i qi1n. N@ f`ngbi3n ma ？

我需要五千塊錢(qián)。你方便嗎？

B： I just have 3，000 at hand.

W6 xi3nz3i sh6ut5u zh@y6u s`nqi`n.

我現(xiàn)在手頭只有三千。

A： That will also help. Could you lend it to me now？

N3 y0 x！ng. N9ng xi`n ji- g0i w6 ma？

那也行。能先借給我嗎？

Nobody likes lending money， so if they hesitate， its human nature； some people would more happily part with a limb than their beloved， precious money. You need to win their trust. For example， you could make a promise about the return date and explain how the interest will be paid. Heck， write them a receipt if it makes them feel better.

A： I will return your money in three months with interest. I am writing a receipt.

S`n g- yu- zh～h7u， li1n b0n d3i l# hu1n g0i n@， w6 zh- ji& xi0 ji-ti1o.

三個(gè)月之后，連本帶利還給你，我這就寫(xiě)借條。

B： You dont need to do that.

B%y7ng zh-me m1fan.

不用這么麻煩。

A： I insist. Its said that， ‘Financial matters should be settled clearly even between brothers.

H1ishi y3o de. Q～nxi4ngdi m！ng su3nzh3ng ma.

還是要的。親兄弟明算賬嘛。

Lending to a friend whos genuinely in need can be like delivering coal on a cold， snowy day， or 雪中送炭 （xu0 zh4ng s7ng t3n）. As a general rule， 救急不救窮 （ji& j！ b% ji& qi5ng）， that is， you lend financial aid to those in an emergency， but not those who are perennially in need of money. If you find yourself in the position of the lender facing a not-so-urgent situation， you wont want to say “no.” Youll tap-dance around it， but you dont want to look like a jerk. For this tactic， some pretexts are necessary.

If its not obvious， you need to plead poverty. To end the conversation quickly， the best method is to make it clear that you have no money. Based on this principle， the only thing you need to do is to give some believable whereabouts for your cash.

Id like to， but all my money is tied up in stocks.

W6 y0 xi2ng ji- g0i n@， d3n sh6ushang de qi1n d4u b-i g^pi3o t3ol1o le.

我也想借給你，但手上的錢(qián)都被股票套牢了。

Or， the “Double 11” shopping circus can be blamed.

If only youd come to me a week earlier！

I spent my paycheck during Double 11.

N@ y3oshi sh3ng g- x～ngq～ l1i zh2o w6 ji& h2o le！ W6 shu`ngsh！y～ b2 g4ngz～ d4u hu` le.

你要是上個(gè)星期來(lái)找我就好了！我雙十一把工資都花了。

The second strategy is finding a scapegoat， claiming that you are not the one who controls the purse strings. Just transfer the responsibility to your parents or spouse and say that you have no say in financial matters.

My wife manages the money in our family and I am afraid she wont agree.

W6men ji` sh# w6 l2opo gu2n qi1n， k6ngp3 t` b%hu# t5ngy#.

我們家是我老婆管錢(qián)，恐怕她不會(huì)同意。

The most effective way to avoid lenders is to live a low-key life and show them you dont have much to offer. Nip any attempt to borrow money in the bud. Folk wisdom tells us： if you are poor， no one bothers visiting even if you live downtown， but if you are wealthy， distant relatives come to your door even if you live deep inside a mountain. （貧居鬧市無(wú)人問(wèn)，富在深山有遠(yuǎn)親。P！ng j$ n3osh# w% r9n w-n， f& z3i sh8nsh`n y6u yu2nq～n.）

If you are faced with a true friend that you really care for， be as generous as you like， but remember that no matter how good of a friend they are， they may be a horrible debtor. When the deadline is due and they dont have your money or a reasonable explanation， things can get very ugly. As we say in Chinese， 欠債還錢(qián)，天經(jīng)地義。（Qi3nzh3i hu1nqi1n， ti`n j～ng d# y#. Paying back debts is a mandate of heaven.） Still， be gentle.

A： I have a vague recollection that I lent you some money. Is that right？

W6 y@nyu8 j#de h2oxi3ng ji- gu7 qi1n g0i n@. Y6u zh- hu！ sh# ma ？

我隱約記得好像借過(guò)錢(qián)給你。有這回事嗎？

B： Yes， you did. I will return the money tomorrow.

Sh# de， w6 m！ngti`n hu1n n@.

是的，我明天還你。

A： No rush. I was just asking.

B& zh1oj！， w6 ji&shi; w-n y！xi3.

不著急，我就是問(wèn)一下。

A perhaps more Machiavellian approach would be to ask after their well-being.

A： The other day you said you were kind of hard up. Is everything OK now？ Do you need some more loans？

N3 ti`n n@ shu4 sh6ut5u y6udi2nr j@n. Xi3nz3i z0nme y3ng le？ X$ bu x$ y3o z3i ji- n@ di2nr qi1n？

那天你說(shuō)手頭有點(diǎn)兒緊。現(xiàn)在怎么樣了？需不需要再借你點(diǎn)兒錢(qián)？

B： The problem is solved， all thanks to your help. I will return the money soon.

W-nt！ y@j～ng ji0ju9 le， du4ku～ n@ b`ngm1ng. W6 hu# j@nku3i hu1nqi1n.

問(wèn)題已經(jīng)解決了，多虧你幫忙。我會(huì)盡快還錢(qián)。

This is a very risky strategy， however， because they may actually need to borrow more and youve just painted yourself into a corner. So feel free to make up your own excuse.

A： I am sorry to ask， but theres an emergency. Can you give me that money I lent you last time？

B& h2oy#si， w6 y6u j@nj！ q！ngku3ng. N@ n9ng b2 sh3ng c# de qi1n hu1n g0i w6 ma？

不好意思，我有緊急情況。你能把上次的錢(qián)還給我嗎？

Whether youre the lender or borrower， its always good to pay your debts on time. Remember： 好借好還，再借不難 （H2o ji- h2o hu1n， z3i ji- b& n1n. Return what you borrow on time， youll be welcome to borrow next time）.