盧·奧格斯頓
我生命中最為幸福的時(shí)光,就是在家中享受天倫之樂,這樣的日子并不多。
——托馬斯·杰斐遜
On the first day of school, as I introduced myself to my new class, one little girl named Patricia caught my attention. She looked so much like my own daughter, Darcie, I had to give my head a shake. As the months went by I noticed how her mannerisms and even certain behaviors were similar to Darcies, even though she was only eight and Darcie was now nineteen. She even wore her hair the same way Darcie had in grade school.
At the parent-teacher meeting in November, I enjoyed meeting Patricias mom, Jenny. I shared with her how much her daughter resembled mine, and wished I had brought a picture along to show her the similarity. I then mentioned that Darcie was adopted, even wondering about the possibility of the two girls being related somehow—the resemblance was so uncanny. As Jenny was leaving, I said, “Yes, Darcie was born on July 19, 1975, so if you had a relative who gave up a baby for adoption, maybe it was Darcie.” Being a family private person, I was startled at myself at this sudden confidence. I attributed it to my nervousness about the interviews and put it out of my mind.
I forgot about this episode until the March interview rolled around. This time Patricias father, Garth, was also present. Again, I had forgotten to bring a picture of Darcie to show Jenny. Oh, well, I will, one of these days, I thought.
Then, at the end of June, on the last day of school, my phone rang. To my surprise, it was Jenny. In a strange voice, she said, “Ive been struggling with whether or not to make this call all year. But today, it was now or never.” And then, out of the blue, she said, “I think Im your daughters natural mother.”
I was stunned. This possibility had honestly never entered my head. Its a good thing there was a chair by the phone because my legs felt like rubber. I thought back to our first interview last November. Poor Jenny—what a shock she must have had that night!
Over the phone, Jenny and I exchanged the information we had both been given at the time of adoption. It was emotionally draining, and we were both choking back tears as we spoke. I learned that day that Jennys husband, Garth, was Darcies natural father as well. Patricia and Darcie were truly full genetic sisters. No wonder they looked and behaved so much alike.
Afterwards, I sat down and had a good cry. I wasnt feeling insecure or threatened, but rather totally drained and somewhat relieved. As an adoptive mom, I always knew that someday my children might want to find their natural parents. I had just hoped that they wouldnt find out that their mother had died of overdose, or that their dad was in jail. Jenny and Garth seemed to be fine people, and I was as pleased as could be. Patricia had been in my class for a whole year, and I knew a fair bit about her life. Had Darcie been raised in their family, her life might have been quite similar to the life she had in ours. All in all, I thought, Darcie could feel very proud.
Jenny had asked me to tell Darcie if I wanted to. She and Garth would put no pressure on her. If she wanted to contact them—great! If not, they would respect that.
On a Tuesday when Darcie got home from work, I called her upstairs to talk. After reassuring her that nothing was wrong, I put my arms around her and said, “Darcie, I spoke to your birth mother on Friday.” She was shocked and totally speechless. When I asked her if she thought she might like to meet her, she replied, “I dont know, this feels weird.” When I explained that Id actually met Jenny on several occasions, she wondered if she looked like her.
As the week passed, she asked for more information as she was ready. She found it easier to absorb small pieces of information, and she couldnt decide whether or not she wanted to meet Jenny and Garth, I said: “Look Darcie, it took Jenny almost a whole year to decide to call me. Please take all the time you want. There is no pressure to make a decision.”
A few months later, she felt ready, but definitely wanted me with her. I was glad about this—adoption doesnt just happen to the baby, it happens to the parents, too. I needed to be a part of this.
Darcie was feeling a bit insecure. With us she knew unconditional love, but with Jenny and Garth she felt shed have to gain acceptance by some accomplishment or look or both. Over the next few months, she lost some weight, found a new job, dyed her hair three times, and had it permed, straightened and cut.
My adopted son, Dale, wondered why she was in such a flap. “These people are just strangers,” he said, “why does she even want to meet them?” I replied, “It must be meant to be, Dale. Look at the odds here. This city has a population of over 600,000! We adopted Darcie when we lived in the west end, Jenny and Garth lived centrally, and now we all live in the east end!” I was truly in awe of the strange trail of unlikely coincidences that all these years later had brought us to the same neighborhood, and placed Patricia in my classroom.
By June 1997, Darcie asked me to arrange a meeting with her birth family. Jenny was pleased but cautious, wanting to be sure that Darcie was ready. She also wasnt sure she was prepared for Patricia and her son, Jordan, to know about Darcie.
When the day finally arrived, Darcie was so nervous that I had to greet Jenny and Garth, and bring them into the kitchen. After my introduction, Jenny walked towards Darcie and wrapped her arms around her. They both began to cry as Jenny held the daughter she had given up so many years ago.
When we had all calmed down, we settled in the family room and the conversation flowed easily. Darcie showed them her baby album and school pictures, and asked lots of questions. She learned that Garth had been sixteen, and Jenny only fourteen, when she was born. They had given her up out of love, knowing they were not ready to be parents. Six years later they were married and had always longed to know her. When they learned from me she had grown up close by in a good family, it seemed like a miracle, and they were overjoyed. When Jenny and Garth finally left late that night, there were lots of hugs all around.
Jenny and Garth had told their children they had given up a child for adoption, but they hadnt shared the recent contact or my involvement. A week later, they did, and Jenny asked Darcie if she would like to meet Jordan and Patricia, who were her full brother and sister.
Darcie excitedly agreed, and this time, I was excited, too! Everyone had lots to say, and it felt a lot like a family party! When Patricia entered our home and saw Darcie for the first time, she was over the moon with excitement and exclaimed: “Oh mom, she looks like you!” She was so excited to have an older sister, she was like a kid in a candy store. She wanted to see Darcies room, her shoes, the rest of the house, our back yard. She couldnt sit still!
Darcie and Jenny keep in touch by phone from time to time and exchange birthday cards.
Darcie is married now, with a baby of her own. Patricia loves to baby-sit for Darcie and her husband, and Jenny and Garth are thrilled to know their first grandchild. The sad loss of their youth has been replaced with joy and healing, and I can honestly say it is a feeling of contentment and peace that we all share.
開學(xué)第一天,在向新班級(jí)作自我介紹時(shí),一個(gè)名叫帕特里夏的小女孩引起了我的注意。她的長相酷似我女兒達(dá)茜,讓我恍惚間不得不搖了搖頭。幾個(gè)月過去,我留意到她的言談舉止乃至某些行為都與達(dá)茜極為相似,盡管她只有8歲而達(dá)茜已經(jīng)19歲。甚至她的發(fā)型都和達(dá)茜上小學(xué)時(shí)的發(fā)型一模一樣。
11月的家長會(huì)上,我很高興見到了帕特里夏的媽媽珍妮。我告訴她,帕特里夏和我女兒是如何地相像,真希望身邊有張照片讓她親眼瞧瞧。然后我提到達(dá)茜是收養(yǎng)的,甚至琢磨兩個(gè)女孩兒會(huì)不會(huì)有血緣關(guān)系,因?yàn)樗齻儗?shí)在像得不可思議。珍妮臨走時(shí),我說:“達(dá)茜出生在1975年7月19日,假如你有一位親戚當(dāng)年曾把孩子送人收養(yǎng),說不定就是達(dá)茜?!蔽沂莻€(gè)注重家庭隱私的人,當(dāng)時(shí)突然信心滿滿地說出這番話,我自己都吃驚不已。我把這歸咎于家長—老師見面會(huì)的緊張,繼而拋之腦后。
我全然忘卻這個(gè)小插曲,直到3月份的家長會(huì)來臨。這次,帕特里夏的父親加思也在。然而,我又忘記帶達(dá)茜的照片給珍妮看了。好吧,總有哪天我會(huì)記得的,我想。
隨后在6月末,學(xué)期最后一天,我的電話鈴響了。出乎意料,竟是珍妮打來的。電話那頭的聲音有點(diǎn)兒奇怪,她說:“一整年來,我一直糾結(jié)著要不要打這個(gè)電話。如果今天不說,我可能永遠(yuǎn)不會(huì)說了?!比缓螅翢o預(yù)兆地,她說:“我想,我應(yīng)該是你女兒的親生母親?!?/p>
我一時(shí)驚呆了。說實(shí)話,我從沒想過會(huì)有這種可能性。我的兩腿發(fā)軟跟橡皮似的,幸好電話旁邊有一把椅子。我回想起去年11月的第一次會(huì)面,可憐的珍妮,那天晚上她該有多么震驚!
在電話里,珍妮和我交換了當(dāng)年領(lǐng)養(yǎng)時(shí)各自所知道的信息。這個(gè)過程讓人心力交瘁,我們說話時(shí)都強(qiáng)忍淚水。那天我得知,珍妮的丈夫加思也是達(dá)茜的親生父親。帕特里夏和達(dá)茜是真正的親生姐妹,難怪她們的相貌和舉止如此相似。
接完電話,我坐下來痛痛快快地哭了一場。并不是因?yàn)楦械讲话不蚋杏X受到威脅,而是完全精疲力竭,某種程度上也算松了一口氣。作為養(yǎng)母,我一直都明白,可能有一天孩子們會(huì)想要尋找親生父母。我只是希望,最后他們不會(huì)發(fā)現(xiàn)自己的母親死于吸毒過量,或者自己的父親在蹲監(jiān)獄。珍妮和加思看起來都是好人,我感到非常高興。帕特里夏在我的班級(jí)里整整一年,我對(duì)她的生活有一定了解。如果達(dá)茜在他們家庭中長大,她所過的生活應(yīng)該跟在我家十分相似。總之,達(dá)茜會(huì)感到非常自豪吧,我想。
珍妮表示,如果我愿意的話,可以把實(shí)情告訴達(dá)茜。她和加思不會(huì)給達(dá)茜任何壓力。如果達(dá)茜想聯(lián)系他們,那再好不過!如果不愿意,他們尊重她的決定。
一個(gè)周二,達(dá)茜下班回家后,我喊她到樓上談一談。我安慰她沒什么壞事情,然后摟著她說:“達(dá)茜,周五的時(shí)候,我和你的親生母親談過了?!彼痼@得說不出話來。我問她是否愿意見面時(shí),她回答道:“我不知道,這感覺怪怪的。”當(dāng)我坦承曾經(jīng)見過珍妮幾次時(shí),她好奇自己和珍妮長得像不像。
一周過去,達(dá)茜逐漸做好心理準(zhǔn)備,便詢問了更多事情。她發(fā)現(xiàn),一點(diǎn)一點(diǎn)地了解會(huì)更容易接受。她還是不確定要不要與珍妮和加思見面,我告訴她:“達(dá)茜,你看,珍妮用了快一年時(shí)間才下定決心給我打電話。你可以慢慢來,做決定時(shí)不要有任何壓力。”
幾個(gè)月后,她覺得準(zhǔn)備好了,但很肯定需要我陪著她。對(duì)此我很開心,因?yàn)轭I(lǐng)養(yǎng)不僅是孩子的事,也是養(yǎng)父母的事。我需要參與其中。
達(dá)茜表現(xiàn)出些許不安。她知道我們給予的是無條件的愛,但對(duì)于珍妮和加思,她覺得自己需要通過一些成就或外表甚或兩者兼?zhèn)鋪慝@得認(rèn)可。接下來幾個(gè)月,她減了些體重,換了份新工作,染了三次頭發(fā),燙了發(fā),然后又拉直,又剪短。
我的養(yǎng)子戴爾不明白為什么她這么緊張。“他們不過是陌生人,”他說,“為什么她竟然想見他們?”我回答道:“這是命中注定的,戴爾??纯催@個(gè)巧合!這座城市有60多萬人口,收養(yǎng)達(dá)茜時(shí)我們住在城市西邊,珍妮和加思住在市中心?,F(xiàn)在,我們都住到了城市東邊!”我深感驚嘆,是多么不可思議的機(jī)緣,才讓我們多年之后聚到同一社區(qū),又讓帕特里夏進(jìn)了我教的班級(jí)。
1997年6月,達(dá)茜請我安排與她親生家庭的會(huì)面。珍妮很開心,但還是很謹(jǐn)慎,想確定達(dá)茜是否真的準(zhǔn)備好了。她也不確定,自己是否準(zhǔn)備好讓帕特里夏和兒子喬丹知道達(dá)茜的事情。
那一天終于到來,達(dá)茜非常緊張,只好由我迎接珍妮和加思,帶他們進(jìn)了廚房。在我作了介紹之后,珍妮走向達(dá)茜環(huán)抱住她。珍妮抱著自己多年前放棄的女兒,她們都哭了。
等大家都平靜下來,我們在客廳坐下,自然而然地開始攀談。達(dá)茜給他們看自己兒時(shí)的相冊和在校時(shí)的照片,又問了很多問題。她知道了自己出生時(shí),加思16歲,而珍妮才14歲。他們是出于愛才放棄她的,他們知道自己沒有做好為人父母的準(zhǔn)備。6年后他們結(jié)婚了,一直渴望能再見到她。當(dāng)他們從我這里得知,她已經(jīng)在鄰近的一個(gè)好家庭里安然長大,簡直就像個(gè)奇跡,這讓他們喜出望外。那天珍妮和加思待到很晚才走,大家紛紛擁抱告別。
珍妮和加思告訴過他們的孩子,他們曾經(jīng)把一個(gè)孩子送人領(lǐng)養(yǎng),但沒有說最近重新取得聯(lián)系以及還涉及我的事情。一周后,他們對(duì)孩子說了事情始末。珍妮問達(dá)茜,是否愿意見見親弟弟喬丹和妹妹帕特里夏。
達(dá)茜興奮地同意了,這一次我也很興奮!每個(gè)人都有很多話想說,感覺就像一次家庭聚會(huì)!走進(jìn)我家第一眼看到達(dá)茜時(shí),帕特里夏便欣喜若狂地喊道:“?。寢?,她和你長得好像!”她很興奮自己有了一個(gè)姐姐,開心極了。她想看看達(dá)茜的房間、鞋子,家里的其他房間以及我們的后院,她一刻也坐不住了!
后來,達(dá)茜和珍妮時(shí)不時(shí)通過電話聯(lián)系,也互相寄送生日賀卡。
現(xiàn)在達(dá)茜已經(jīng)結(jié)婚了,有了一個(gè)自己的孩子。帕特里夏很樂意幫達(dá)茜夫婦照看孩子,珍妮和加思特別激動(dòng)自己有了第一個(gè)外孫。他們青春時(shí)代的骨肉分離之痛,已被歡樂和治愈所代替。坦誠地說,我們都感受到了那份滿足與祥和。
(譯者為“《英語世界》杯”翻譯大賽獲獎(jiǎng)?wù)撸└?王善武)