陳傳光

My hero isnt an idol or a famous person but someone close to me—my mum. She is not tall. She is thin. She has long black hair but① big eyes. She is kind and often helps people who are in trouble. I love my mother.

My mum is a worker. She is very busy. She gets up early to cook meals for us. Then she goes to work. She works very hard. She always says we should try our best to do work well.

At home， my mum does almost everything for us. She takes good care of us. I can cook some simple dishes because my mum showed me. She always says teenagers should learn some basic skills and not depend too many② on parents. At weekends， my mum visits my grandparents and talks with them.

I have a good mother. She gives all her love to us. She is my real hero in my heart. Im proud of her.

江蘇省連云港市羅陽(yáng)中學(xué)九年級(jí)（2）班 朱攀

1. 優(yōu)點(diǎn)：

英雄不一定都是揚(yáng)名立萬(wàn)的大人物，有很多英雄都是默默無(wú)聞卻無(wú)私奉獻(xiàn)的平凡人，他們就在我們身邊，是我們熟悉的人。正如小作者在文中所寫，他的媽媽就是他心目中的英雄。小作者描述的日常生活中的一點(diǎn)一滴，體現(xiàn)了母愛(ài)的平凡而偉大。本文先勾勒了人物外表，而后重點(diǎn)描繪了人物的內(nèi)在，是一篇寫人的佳作。

2. 需要修改的地方：

①“but”改為“and”。前后文是并列關(guān)系。

②“too many”改為“too much”。“too many”只能修飾可數(shù)名詞復(fù)數(shù)，“too much”既可修飾不可數(shù)名詞，也可修飾動(dòng)詞。此處“too much”修飾動(dòng)詞“depend”。

3. 評(píng)分：

按江蘇省連云港市中考英語(yǔ)作文滿分25分的評(píng)分標(biāo)準(zhǔn)，本文修改前可得22分。