增添視角，豐富續(xù)寫(xiě)內(nèi)容

彭向梅

【問(wèn)題導(dǎo)讀】

在讀后續(xù)寫(xiě)過(guò)程中，學(xué)生們很容易忽略視角在讀后續(xù)寫(xiě)中的作用。視角是指通過(guò)從不同角度描述事件或情境，使故事或敘述更加豐富和立體。這能夠幫助學(xué)生們更全面地理解故事的情境和角色的動(dòng)機(jī)，從而增強(qiáng)故事的吸引力和說(shuō)服力。但在寫(xiě)作過(guò)程中，學(xué)生們?nèi)绻荒芾斫夂瓦\(yùn)用增添視角的微技能，這可能會(huì)導(dǎo)致續(xù)寫(xiě)的故事出現(xiàn)以下幾種問(wèn)題：

1. 故事維度單一

故事可能會(huì)局限在單一的視角，通常是主角的視角，這樣的故事缺乏深度，可能無(wú)法充分展示不同人物之間的互動(dòng)和沖突。

2. 角色缺乏深度

如果沒(méi)有運(yùn)用多角度視角，故事中的角色可能會(huì)顯得平面和單調(diào)，角色的情感、動(dòng)機(jī)和背景可能不夠豐富，導(dǎo)致角色缺乏真實(shí)感和吸引力。

3. 情感共鳴受限

故事的情感層次可能會(huì)受到限制，單一的視角難以充分表達(dá)人物復(fù)雜的情感和心理狀態(tài)，從而減弱讀者的情感共鳴和故事的感染力。

4. 缺乏新穎性和創(chuàng)造性

故事可能會(huì)因?yàn)槿狈Σ煌囊暯呛托碌慕庾x而顯得陳舊，增添視角可以帶來(lái)新的思考和創(chuàng)造性的故事元素。

5. 信息和背景不全面

故事可能無(wú)法全面展示事件的多方面信息和相關(guān)背景，特別是在涉及復(fù)雜情境或多方利益沖突時(shí)。不同視角可以幫助揭示故事的全貌，提供更全面的理解。

【名師導(dǎo)學(xué)】

增添視角的微技能在小說(shuō)、故事等類(lèi)型的寫(xiě)作中很常見(jiàn)。例如，在寫(xiě)小說(shuō)時(shí)，作者可能會(huì)先從主角的視角描述事件，然后切換到其他角色的視角，展示他們對(duì)同一事件的不同理解和感受。增添視角的微技能既可以運(yùn)用到前文的閱讀分析中，也可以運(yùn)用到情節(jié)預(yù)測(cè)的準(zhǔn)備過(guò)程中。在三大主題語(yǔ)境中，學(xué)生都可以運(yùn)用視角意識(shí)，通過(guò)增添視角，豐富寫(xiě)作內(nèi)容。

人與社會(huì)主題：在人與社會(huì)主題的讀后續(xù)寫(xiě)中，增添視角可能涉及對(duì)社會(huì)現(xiàn)象的多維度理解，如通過(guò)分析社會(huì)成員的不同經(jīng)歷和背景來(lái)展現(xiàn)社會(huì)問(wèn)題的多面性。

人與自我主題：在人與自我主題的讀后續(xù)寫(xiě)中，增添視角能夠通過(guò)展示主角的內(nèi)心矛盾、成長(zhǎng)過(guò)程或自我認(rèn)知的變化來(lái)豐富故事。

人與自然主題：在人與自然主題的讀后續(xù)寫(xiě)中，增添視角能夠通過(guò)描寫(xiě)不同人物與自然的互動(dòng)和體驗(yàn)來(lái)揭示自然的多樣性和人類(lèi)對(duì)自然的不同態(tài)度。

【案例導(dǎo)引】

閱讀下面短文，根據(jù)所給情節(jié)進(jìn)行續(xù)寫(xiě)，使之構(gòu)成一個(gè)完整的故事。

Once there lived a girl named Melanie. The little girl was living with a dream. Shewanted to be a ballet dancer. Her body was very flexible and she had a strong willpower.Melanie＇s parents never knew of the great dancing skills their daughter had until one day，they saw the little girl dancing with the beautiful steps of a ballerina.

“Isn＇t it strange？ Melanie is dancing so well without any formal training！”her mother said.

“We must give her ballet lessons to help her improve her skills，”her father said.

The following day， Melanie＇s parents took her to a local dance training school. Theteacher asked Melanie to dance. The little girl was happy and showed some of her favoritedance steps. However， the teacher didn＇t seem interested in her performance.

“That＇s OK. You can leave now！”the teacher said.

Melanie was shocked to hear this. So were her parents. They couldn＇t believe their ears.“

“The girl is common. She does not have the possibility to become a ballerina，”the dance teacher said.“Don＇t let her waste her time dreaming of becoming a dancer.”

Disappointed， Melanie and her parents returned home. Tears rolled down Melanie＇sface. Her dream was broken within a matter of minutes. Without confidence， Melanienever attempted to dance again. She completed her studies and went on to become ateacher in school. Life was good and she kept herself busy with family and work. However，whenever she happened to pass the school＇s ballet room， memories of childhood dreamsdanced before her eyes. This time she met an unacquainted yet different ballet teacher，who would inspire others to pursue their dreams.

注意：續(xù)寫(xiě)詞數(shù)應(yīng)為150左右。

Paragraph 1：

One day， the ballet teacher at her school was late._____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Paragraph 2：

“What a performance， Melanie！ You are a true ballerina！”said the ballet teacher entering the classroom.__________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

一、故事梳理

本故事圍繞Melanie展開(kāi)，她自幼夢(mèng)想成為芭蕾舞者。她盡管天生具有舞蹈天賦，卻因一次失敗的舞蹈學(xué)習(xí)經(jīng)歷而放棄了夢(mèng)想。多年后，作為一名教師的她，在學(xué)校意外地與芭蕾舞重新有了交集，這喚醒了她對(duì)舞蹈的熱愛(ài)。我們可以使用視角分析法，梳理前文情節(jié)線和感情線。

二、語(yǔ)言分析

現(xiàn)在使用視角分析微技能對(duì)前文語(yǔ)言進(jìn)行分析。

Melanie 的視角：

原文：Without confidence， Melanie never attempted to dance again. 由于缺乏自信，Melanie再也沒(méi)有嘗試過(guò)跳舞。

分析： 這句話反映了Melanie內(nèi)心的失望和挫敗感，描述了她在遭到否定后放棄夢(mèng)想的情感狀態(tài)。

父母的視角：

原文：“Isnt it strange？ Melanie is dancing so well without any formal tranining！”hermother said.“這是不是很奇怪？Melanie沒(méi)有受過(guò)任何正規(guī)訓(xùn)練都跳舞跳得很好！”她的母親說(shuō)道。

“We must give her ballet lessons to help her improve her skills，”her father said.“我們必須給她上芭蕾舞課，以幫助她提高技能?！彼母赣H說(shuō)道。

分析：這兩句話體現(xiàn)了父母對(duì)Melanie的天賦的認(rèn)可和支持以及他們對(duì)女兒未來(lái)的期望和關(guān)心。

以前的舞蹈老師的視角：

原文：“The girl is common. She does not have the possibility to become a ballerina，”the dance teacher said.“這個(gè)女孩很普通。她沒(méi)有成為芭蕾舞者的可能?！蔽璧咐蠋熣f(shuō)道。

分析：這句話表現(xiàn)出了以前的舞蹈老師對(duì)Melanie的舞蹈天賦的誤解和嚴(yán)苛的評(píng)價(jià)。

視角微技能還可以輔助故事預(yù)測(cè)。

Melanie 的未來(lái)視角：

預(yù)測(cè)：Melanie might rediscover her passion for ballet and achieve success despiteinitial setbacks. 盡管最初的挫折，Melanie可能會(huì)重新發(fā)現(xiàn)她對(duì)芭蕾舞的熱情，并取得成功。

分析：這種預(yù)測(cè)反映了對(duì)Melanie的內(nèi)在韌性和潛力的積極看法，表明她可能會(huì)克服早期的失敗，實(shí)現(xiàn)她的夢(mèng)想。

父母的期望視角：

預(yù)測(cè)：Her parents may continue to support and encourage her， hoping she will pursueher dream again. 她的父母可能會(huì)繼續(xù)支持和鼓勵(lì)她，希望她再次追求她的夢(mèng)想。

分析：這種預(yù)測(cè)體現(xiàn)了父母對(duì)Melanie 的堅(jiān)定的支持和對(duì)她未來(lái)能夠成功的信心。

新舞蹈老師的視角：

預(yù)測(cè)：The dance teacher， observing Melanies talent， suggested Melanie join advanced classes. 舞蹈老師發(fā)現(xiàn)了Melanie的舞蹈天賦，并建議她參加高級(jí)舞蹈課程。

分析：這種預(yù)測(cè)暗示了新舞蹈老師對(duì)Melanie才能的發(fā)現(xiàn)與肯定。

三、常用招式

1. 借助動(dòng)物視角，讓環(huán)境由靜變動(dòng)

原文：She sat down on the park bench and began to read her new book. 她在公園的長(zhǎng)椅上坐下，開(kāi)始讀她的新書(shū)。

增添視角：從公園的鳥(niǎo)兒視角來(lái)看，在附近的一棵樹(shù)上，一只鳥(niǎo)看著這個(gè)女人在公園的長(zhǎng)椅上坐下，打開(kāi)她的新書(shū)。它飛去，然后加入了同伴之中。

In a nearby tree， a bird watched as the woman settled down on the park benchand opened her new book. It flew off to join its companions.

2. 借助道具視角，豐富人物內(nèi)心

原文：He shot hard on the basketball court， hoping to win the game. 他在籃球場(chǎng)上奮力投籃，希望能贏得比賽。

增添視角：從籃球的視角來(lái)看，這是一種強(qiáng)有力的動(dòng)作——被抓住并被投向籃球筐，這種力量說(shuō)明了球員贏得比賽的決心。

The basketball was snatched up and then launched towards the hoop， with a forcethat spoke of the players determination to win the game.

3. 借助他人視角，增強(qiáng)感受描寫(xiě)

原文：They were enjoying their dinner in the restaurant， talking and laughing. 他們?cè)诓蛷d里享受著晚餐，有說(shuō)有笑。

增添視角：從服務(wù)員的視角來(lái)看，服務(wù)員正端著一盤(pán)菜，不禁注意到坐在角落里桌子旁的那群人。他們正享受著晚餐，笑聲在餐廳里回蕩，這讓他的長(zhǎng)時(shí)間輪班不那么累了。

The waiter， balancing a tray of dishes， couldnt help but notice the group at the cor?ner table. They were enjoying their dinner， their laughter echoing around the restaurant，making his long shift a little more bearable.

【參考范文】

（加黑部分體現(xiàn)了增添視角的微技能）

Paragraph 1：

One day， the ballet teacher at her school was late. Melanie was asked to keep an eye on the girls so that they would behave themselves. Once inside the ballet room， all her oldmemories flooded back. She couldn＇t control herself anymore. She found herself demon?strating a few ballet steps to the girls. The children watched in awe， their eyes re?flecting a mix of surprise and admiration. Her inner struggle seemed to vanish witheach step she took， as she rediscovered the joy she once found in dance.

Paragraph 2：

“What a perfect dance， Melanie！ You are a true ballerina！”said the ballet teacherentering the classroom. This unexpected praise was a gift to her wounded spirit. Herparents， who had arrived to pick her up， stood at the door， their faces beaming withpride. Their support for their daughter and recognition of her talent were evident. Thedance teacher， observing Melanie＇s talent， suggested Melanie join advanced classes.This moment marked a new beginning for Melanie， not only relighting her passionbut also healing old wounds and fulfilling her long?cherished dream.

【模擬導(dǎo)練】

閱讀下面短文，根據(jù)所給情節(jié)進(jìn)行續(xù)寫(xiě)，使之構(gòu)成一個(gè)完整的故事。

When I was a young boy， my mother would place spoonfuls of vegetables onto myplate whether I wanted them or not and the rule in our family was that we always had toclean our plates. However， I rarely saw my mother eat the vegetables herself. She alwaysserved us first. She seemed never hungry.

She worked for a rich lady in town， and I always assumed that the reason why shedidn＇t have our tasteless meals was that she had eaten meats and sweets in the rich lady＇skitchen. Our meals were boring， and there was never enough since there were ten of us—my parents plus eight children.

One afternoon my older sisters were sick， so they couldn＇t take care of me. Therefore，my mother had no choice but to bring me with her. It was a long winter day and as myfather hadn＇t had much work， we had even less food than usual. So I was very excited to goto the rich lady＇s house.

My mother placed me in a corner while she rolled out pie crust （餅皮）. Then shecooked some meat， and by the afternoon， the pleasant smell filled the kitchen and wasmaking its way into my empty stomach. Then， a bell rang in the kitchen and my mothertold me“Don＇t move”and then left.

I tried to do as told， but then I thought it wouldn＇t matter if I ate just one blackberry.So I put a single blackberry into my mouth. What an explosion of flavor！ The wonderfultaste hitting my empty stomach was more than I could handle！ It wasn＇t until I was staringat the empty bowl that I noticed the empty， unbaked pie crust sitting on the table waitingfor the berries. I looked around for more berries， but there was none. Suddenly， I heard foot?steps approaching， so I quickly hid into the cupboard.

注意：續(xù)寫(xiě)詞數(shù)應(yīng)為150左右。

Paragraph 1：

Just at the moment， my mother entered the kitchen， following a well?dressed lady._____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Paragraph 2：

After the lady left， I crept （爬行） out of the cupboard with tears streaming down my face._____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

【評(píng)價(jià)導(dǎo)思】

1. 在我的續(xù)寫(xiě)中，增加小男孩和母親的視角對(duì)故事情節(jié)和感情描寫(xiě)產(chǎn)生了哪些影響？這種視角變化是否能讓故事的情感層次更加豐富？

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

2. 這種視角增加是如何幫助展現(xiàn)故事中的主要沖突和解決過(guò)程的？它是否影響了讀者對(duì)故事情節(jié)和角色動(dòng)機(jī)的理解？

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

3. 增加的視角是否有效地增強(qiáng)了故事的吸引力？這些視角是否使讀者有新的思考或者對(duì)角色及其行動(dòng)有更深入的理解？

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________