我被“大媽”了

by Kate Auletta

I dont know why this bothers me so much， being called“maam注.” I am， after all， 30， pregnant[懷孕] and happen to have some laugh lines that could be construed[理解] as wrinkles[皺紋].

It happened recently on the subway coming home from work. The subways were packed[擁擠的] because train service was down courtesy of[承蒙某人的好意] Hurricane Sandy . There I stood， holding onto the pole， balancing my growing tummy， my bag and my awesome game of Tetris[俄羅斯方塊] on my iPhone.

A man， no more than 40， sat reading his newspaper， occasionally glancing up at me clearly having that internal monologue[獨白] wherein[在那里] he debated with himself whether I was， in fact， pregnant and therefore he should give up his seat， or just fat. A few stops went by， and a woman sitting in front of me offered me her seat. I politely declined[拒絕]， thinking how good it felt to stand up after sitting all day.

And then it happened. A shrill[刺耳的]， 20-something voice broke the silence as the train clacked[喀噠聲響] over the bridge. “Maam？” she said. I didnt respond， thinking she couldnt possibly be talking to me. “Maam？” the young woman likely born in the 1990s said again.“Would you like to sit down？”

I was too stunned[感到驚訝] to respond. This kind young woman， who looked to be quietly doing her homework， was calling me maam. Has it really come to this？ After realizing the silence， I quickly said， “No， Im fine， but thank you.”

I spent the rest of the train ride feeling—what？—uncertain， definitely unhappy and maybe even a little bit sad.

While Im under no false pretenses[欺詐] that Im a spring chicken[（俚語）年輕人]， I still consider myself to be in my post-graduate years. In fact， I planned to remain in my postgraduate years for quite a long time. Have those times come and gone？ Am I now relegated[淪落] to the role of being someones mother， even though I wont literally be for a few more months？ I still bristle[憤怒] ever-soslightly when someone calls me a woman rather than a girl （whole other loaded issue， I know）.

Am I overreacting？ Did a stranger on the subway see me—a pregnant woman—and automatically[自動地] call me maam just out of courtesy？ Possibly.

In reflecting on the moment a few weeks later， I think what jarred[動搖] me most about my maaming wasnt just that a younger woman acknowledged my post-graduate status in public. Maybe what really got me was that she recognized that Ive moved on to the next phase of my life—before I could admit it to myself.

我不知道為什么被喚作“大媽”這件事會令我如此困擾。畢竟，我才30歲，懷有身孕，臉上偶爾有些可以被認(rèn)為是皺紋的笑紋。

這事兒最近發(fā)生在地鐵上，我下班回家途中。因為這是桑迪颶風(fēng)期間依然運行服務(wù)的列車，所以車上擠滿了人。我就站在那里，抓著吊桿，維持著我那日漸膨脹的肚子、手提包與蘋果手機(jī)里超棒的俄羅斯方塊游戲之間的平衡。

一個不到四十歲的男人，正坐著看報紙，間或抬眼看看我，顯然在心里糾結(jié)著我是真的懷孕了，他該讓座，還是只是肥胖。幾個遲疑瞬間過后，坐在我前面的一個女士給我讓座。我禮貌地拒絕了，想著坐了一整天后站一下，感覺很好。

然后事情發(fā)生了。一個刺耳的、二十多歲的年輕嗓音在列車噼啪作響地過橋時打破了沉默?！按髬?？”她說。我沒有回應(yīng)，認(rèn)為她叫的不可能是我。“大媽？”那個很可能是9 0后的年輕女子再次說道?！澳灰聛?？”

我震驚到無法回應(yīng)她。這個看起來正在安靜做作業(yè)的善良的年輕女子，叫我大媽！怎么會這樣？在意識到（周圍的）沉默后，我馬上回答：“不用了，我這樣很好，但還是謝謝你?！?/p>

在之后的乘車時間里，我一直沉浸在復(fù)雜的感覺中——什么？——不敢相信，很不開心，也許還有點難過。

當(dāng)然我并不是巧立名目地假裝自己是個年輕少女，但我仍認(rèn)為自己還處于讀研的歲月中。事實上，我計劃在很長的一段時間里保持讀研時的狀態(tài)。那些歲月已經(jīng)離我遠(yuǎn)去了嗎？即使在幾個月后我就成為某個人的母親，但現(xiàn)在我就要進(jìn)入這個角色了嗎？現(xiàn)在，我還是會因為被喚作女人而不是女孩子感到些許生氣（完全是另一個沉重的話題，我知道）。

是我反應(yīng)過度了嗎？一個陌生人在地鐵里看到我——一個懷孕的女人——不經(jīng)思索地叫我大媽只是出于禮貌嗎？也許是吧。

幾周后，在我反復(fù)思考那個瞬間之時，我想到這個大媽稱號最刺激我的并不只是因為那個比我年輕一點的女人公開道破了我的研究生身份。真正令我生氣的也許是她認(rèn)為我已經(jīng)進(jìn)入了人生的下一個階段——而我自己還沒承認(rèn)這一點。