張造云

My parents went to visit my grandparents. They would come back tomorrow. I had to cook for myself this evening.

I thought it was easy to cook rice. First I washed the rice with water. Then I added enough water to cook. When the rice was OK， I begin① to cook meat. I saw mother cook meat with onions. So I cut some onions. Then my eyes were so uncomfortable that they could not open any longer. I shut up my mouth， with tear② in eyes.

My classmate Chen Dalong came to my house and asked me to help with his math. He looked at me and asked， “What are you crying for？”

“The onions make my eyes uncomfortable and I cant help crying.”

“I have a good way to cut onions. You should put the onions into water. When you cut the onions， the water will keep the onions wet. You have③ a try，” he said.

湖南省永州市冷水灘區(qū)竹山橋?qū)W校八（59）班 陳文秀

1. 優(yōu)點：

這篇文章富有生活氣息，讀了之后深受啟發(fā)。小作者記錄自己學做飯、切洋蔥的生活小事。文章生動有趣，對話自然，毫無做作。

2. 需要修改的地方：

① begin改為began。前面是過去時態(tài)，前后時態(tài)要保持一致；

② tear改為tears。tear作“眼淚”講是可數(shù)名詞，所以此處應用其復數(shù)形式“tears”；

③ have改為can have。根據(jù)上下文，建議對方試一試，用情態(tài)動詞can。

3.評分：

按湖南省永州市中考英語作文滿分15分的評分標準，本文修改前可得13分。