幽默小故事

丁紅艷

Half Dead

Sam cant swim. A few days ago he fell into the river. He called for help. A young man jumped into the water and pulled him out.

“That young man saved your life，” said his wife， “Shouldnt we give him a pound？”

“I was half dead when he pulled me out，” said Sam， “Give him 50 pence， dear.”

半死不活

薩姆不會游泳，幾天前他掉到河里了，大喊救命。一位年輕小伙子跳到水里把他拉了上來。

“那位小伙子救了你的命，”他妻子說道：“難道我們不應(yīng)該給他一英鎊嗎？”

“他把我拉上來時我已經(jīng)半死不活了，”薩姆說：“親愛的，給他50便士吧！”

I Didnt Notice

A man in the prison1 asked the new comer why he was sent there. The new comer answered. “I am out of luck， I think. A few days ago， I was walking in the street when I saw a piece of dirty rope. I thought nobody wanted it so I picked it up.”

“But it is not against the law to pick up a piece of rope and take it home！”

“I told you I had bad luck， didnt I？” the man sighed2， “The trouble is that I didnt notice there was a horse at the other end of that rope.”

我沒注意

監(jiān)獄里，一個人問新來的犯人為什么被關(guān)進(jìn)來。新來的犯人說：“我想我真是倒霉。幾天前，我在街上走的時候，看到一根臟繩子，以為沒人要了，便撿了起來?！?/p>

“但是撿根繩子帶回家并不犯法??！”

“我沒告訴過你我有多倒霉嗎？”那個人嘆氣說道，“問題是我沒有注意到繩子的另一端拴著一匹馬?！?/p>

Stupid Question

Dan was the doorman of a club in a big city. Every day thousands of people passed his door， and many people stopped and asked him， “Whats the time， please？”

After a few months， Dan said to himself， “Im not going to answer all those stupid people any more. Im going to buy a big clock and put it upon the wall here.” Then he did so.

“Now people arent going to stop and ask me the time.” he thought happily. But after that， a lot of people stopped， looked at the clock and then asked Dan， “Is that clock right？”

愚蠢的問題

丹在一個大城市的某個俱樂部當(dāng)守門人。每天都有數(shù)千人經(jīng)過他的門口，而且許多人都會停下來問他：“請問現(xiàn)在幾點(diǎn)？”

幾個月后，丹對自己說：“我不想再回答這些蠢人提出的問題了，我要去買一只大鐘，把它掛在這兒的墻上?！庇谑撬I了一只鐘，把它掛在墻上。

“現(xiàn)在人們總不會再停下來問我時間了?！彼吲d地想?？墒菑哪且院螅刻烊杂性S多人停下來，看看鐘，然后問丹：“這鐘準(zhǔn)嗎？”

Coincidence3

A woman was singing. One of the guests turned to a man by his side and shouted at the singer. “What a terrible voice！” And then he asked. “Do you know who she is？”

“Yes，” was the answer， “She is my wife.”

“Oh， I beg your pardon，” the man said， “Of course her voice is not bad， but the song is really bad. I wonder who wrote the awful song.”

“I did，” the man answered.

巧合

一位女子正在唱歌，一位客人轉(zhuǎn)向他身旁的男子吼道：“什么破嗓子！”接著問道：“你知道她是誰嗎？”

“知道，她是我妻子。”那人答道。

“噢，實(shí)在對不起?！笨腿苏f：“其實(shí)她的嗓子還是不錯的，只是這首歌太差勁了。也不知是誰寫了這樣糟糕的歌?！?/p>

“我寫的?！蹦侨舜鸬?。

The Broom4 Seller and the Barber5

A man who sold brooms went into a barbers shop to get shaved6. The barber bought one of his brooms， and， when he had shaved him， asked for the price of it.

“Two pence，” said the man.

“No， no，” said the barber， “I will give you a penny， and if you do not think that enough， you may take your broom again.”

The man took it， and asked what he had to pay for his shave.

“A penny，” said the barber.

“I will give you a half-penny， and if that is not enough， you may put my beard on again.”

賣掃帚的人和理發(fā)師

一個賣掃帚的人去一家理發(fā)店刮胡子。理發(fā)師向他買了一把掃帚。當(dāng)理發(fā)師給他弄完后，問了一下掃帚的價錢。

賣掃帚的人說：“兩便士?！?/p>

“不，不，”理發(fā)師說，“我只出一便士。如果你認(rèn)為不夠的話，可以把掃帚拿回去?！?/p>

賣掃帚的人取回了掃帚，隨后問刮胡子要付多少錢。

理發(fā)師說：“一便士?！?/p>

賣掃帚的人說：“我只能給你半個便士，如果你認(rèn)為不夠的話，你可以把胡子再替我裝上?！?/p>