Mom,I Miss You

You left home after you had a fight with my father and never returned①ever since. At that time I was only two.From then on,my father began to drink and smoke every day.When I was four,he died in an accident.I lost him.

I live with my grandparents.They have taken lots of trouble to bring me up.When I saw other children’s parents to take②them to the park,to the school or to the cinema. How I envy them!

In my dreams,I always see you and hear your voice.You’re a nice woman.I throw myself to you and you take me in your arms closely.How happy I was then!But when I wake up,everything is still like what it was before.

I asked grandma where you had been③and when you would be back.She said she didn’t know,but she said if I were a good child,you would be back soon.So I have been studying hard.I’m one of the best students in the school.Teachers and students all like me.I have been expecting you return④every day.

Mom,do you still remember me?Do you know my wish?Will you please be back soon?

I miss you,Mom.

安徽省濉溪縣四鋪中心學(xué)校八（3）班朱敏

【欄目要求】

1.將學(xué)生習(xí)作根據(jù)中考分值給出成績;2.在應(yīng)該修改的地方劃線并標注序號;

3.根據(jù)所標序號進行修改并說明修改的理由;4.給學(xué)生習(xí)作點評<優(yōu)點與不足>;

5.請點評名師提供簡歷一份，包括：學(xué)校、職務(wù)、職稱、榮譽、教研教學(xué)成果、照片一張。

投稿郵箱：zxsyy2007@163.com或whzxsyy@163.com

來稿請寄：430079華中師范大學(xué)外國語學(xué)院《中學(xué)生英語》雜志社收

本期點評名師

姜經(jīng)志男，中學(xué)英語高級教師，省級骨干教師，淮北市優(yōu)秀教師，中國外語學(xué)習(xí)研究會會員，《學(xué)英語》，《英語周報》特約編輯、《中學(xué)生英語》兼職編委。多年來，在省級以上報刊發(fā)表文章800余篇，并有多篇論文獲獎。曾主編《初中生英語滿分作文大全》《英語奧林匹克》《新目標英語八年級暑假作業(yè)》，參編《高中英語知識點反饋與閱讀》《初中英語題典大全》《21世紀英語學(xué)習(xí)指南》《初中英語新作文》《中學(xué)生英語水平測試》等10余冊，輔導(dǎo)學(xué)生30余人次在國家和省級英語競賽中獲獎。

點評

1.優(yōu)點：

這是一篇情真意切、充滿感情的文章。它是作者用心完成的。本文告訴廣大父母親：自己的言行要對孩子負責(zé)，不要讓孩子過早失去父母的愛。

2.需要修改的地方：

①never returned改為have never returned。ever since意為“從那以后”，常與現(xiàn)在完成時連用。

②to take改為take。see sb.do sth.意為“看見某人做了某事”。see后面應(yīng)接不帶to的動詞不定式。

③had been改為had gone。have been to表示“曾經(jīng)去過某地”，現(xiàn)在已不在那里了；have(has)gone to意為“到某地去了”，表示到了某地或正在去某地的途中，總之，說話時該人不在現(xiàn)場。

④return改為to return。expect sb.to do sth.意為“期待某人做某事”。

3.評分：

按中考英語作文滿分20分的標準，本文修改前可得18分。