陜西富平縣迤山中學(xué)高一（1）班 陳家琪指導(dǎo)老師 倚月芬

Dear Mrs Ji，

As Mother’s Day is approaching,I want to express my gratitude to you for the great contributions you have made since I was born.

You are the greatest person in my life.It has been a long time since I wrote to you last time.As the saying goes,“A letter unites people like nothing else；it can make them cry；it can make them laugh.” You like writing,and I’ve heard from you for several times in the past decade.To tell you the truth,the letters you sent to me are all carefully preserved.Every time I read these letters,there will be “strange feelings ”crowding in.So I cherish the memories of your letters in my heart.Being a responsible and considerate mother is not easy,I know.And I have to admit that we sometimes have disagreements,but you are always on my side.

You are also the best instructor in my career.You,my great mother,are always leading me to my bright future.You have taught me a lot,not only in my study,but also in every respect of my life.You taught me to share,to be kind,to be honest and to be grateful.Without your guidance,I wouldn’t make any great progress in my life.So I want to send you something special on this special day.I will just write down these sentences for you to express my genuine feelings.

I am proud that I have such an outstanding mum.Like the sun,you light up the way forward for me.Like the vehicle,you drive me to anywhere I want to go.For years you are always on my side,supporting me and encouraging me to do things that I dare not do.Life is hard,but it is you that give me confidence to carry on,holding a positive attitude towards life.

You are the best mum that a son has ever had.You are the most splendid woman that I have ever known.Happy Mother’s Day,my mum.

Yours sincerely,

Jiaqi

老師點(diǎn)評(píng)

5月13日適逢母親節(jié)。我很欣慰，陳家琪同學(xué)能以一份特殊的禮物給媽媽帶來最美的驚喜和感動(dòng)。

這篇文章呈現(xiàn)了諸多亮點(diǎn)。

一、語言扎實(shí)、表達(dá)豐富

通覽全文，不難看出小作者語言功底扎實(shí)，文字生動(dòng)，行文流暢，層次井然，篇章連貫性好，高級(jí)句型應(yīng)用也是恰如其分。比如在第1段應(yīng)用了狀語從句和定語從句，第2段使用了since引導(dǎo)的狀語從句，as引導(dǎo)非限制性定語從句，every time引導(dǎo)的時(shí)間狀語從句，非謂語動(dòng)詞crowding in以及強(qiáng)調(diào)句型都生動(dòng)地表達(dá)了作者記憶中的珍貴畫面和感恩之情。

二、善用修辭、彰顯底蘊(yùn)

文章有效地使用了過渡詞和排比句，并能恰到好處地引用名句，體現(xiàn)了小作者的綜合素養(yǎng)。比如“As the saying goes ‘A letter unites people like nothing else；it can make them cry；it can make them laugh.’”文中出現(xiàn)多個(gè)比喻排比使文章增色，如 “Like the sun,you light up the way forward for me.Like the vehicle,you drive me to any-where I want to go.”

三、筆調(diào)輕松、情感飽滿

從情感表達(dá)角度看，通篇文字情感飽滿，筆調(diào)輕松自然，“Life is hard,but it is you that give me confidence to carry on,holding a positive attitude towards life.”流暢地將對(duì)母親的愛表達(dá)得淋漓盡致。文章結(jié)尾處“You are the best mum that a son has ever had.You are the most splendid woman that I have ever known.”將對(duì)母親的愛推向高潮！

四、思維品質(zhì)、立德樹人

從學(xué)科素養(yǎng)看，小作者懂感恩善應(yīng)用，能將知識(shí)學(xué)習(xí)與技能發(fā)展融入平時(shí)語篇應(yīng)用中，符合我們英語學(xué)科素養(yǎng)中所強(qiáng)調(diào)的語言能力促進(jìn)思維品質(zhì)的形成這一過程，也符合“立德樹人”的育人目標(biāo)。

總之，無論是語言應(yīng)用還是情感色彩，出自高一學(xué)子之手，實(shí)屬一篇佳作!