Hello, Im Liu Dongdong from Luoyang Middle School. My family is not rich, and① I love it very much.
There are three people in my family. They are my mother, my father and me. My father and my mother are in the same school. My mother is thirty-six years old. She is a teacher. She likes red, but she doesnt like red shoes. My father is thirty-seven years old. He is a teacher, too. He teach② P.E. And he is good in③ ping-pong. He often plays ping-pong with me after school. I am a student. I like music and P.E. I like singing best.
What about your family?
江蘇省連云港市羅陽(yáng)中學(xué)七(1)班 劉棟棟
本期點(diǎn)評(píng)名師
陳傳光 男,江蘇省連云港市羅陽(yáng)中學(xué)高級(jí)教師,從事教育工作逾15年。江蘇省教育學(xué)會(huì)會(huì)員,連云港市優(yōu)秀教育園丁;曾獲英語(yǔ)專業(yè)技能大賽市一等獎(jiǎng),班主任基本功大賽市一等獎(jiǎng);指導(dǎo)學(xué)生在各類競(jìng)賽中取得了不錯(cuò)的成績(jī),多人獲得省級(jí)獎(jiǎng)和地市級(jí)獎(jiǎng)。
1. 優(yōu)點(diǎn):
本文是一篇介紹家庭的文章,層次分明,思路清晰。小作者開(kāi)篇表示非常熱愛(ài)自己的家,接著介紹了媽媽和爸爸的年齡、工作及愛(ài)好。但是本文介紹作者本人的篇幅比較少,可以適當(dāng)增加一些對(duì)自己的描述。結(jié)尾通過(guò)設(shè)置問(wèn)題“What about your family?”緊扣主題,形成首尾呼應(yīng)。本文是一篇值得借鑒的范文。
2. 需要修改的地方:
①and改為but。此處上下文是轉(zhuǎn)折關(guān)系。
②teach改為teaches。he是第三人稱單數(shù)代詞,故使用teaches。
③in改為at。be good at是固定結(jié)構(gòu),意為“擅長(zhǎng)……”。
3. 評(píng)分:
按江蘇省連云港市中考英語(yǔ)作文滿分25分的評(píng)分標(biāo)準(zhǔn),本文修改前可得22分。
中學(xué)生英語(yǔ)·閱讀與寫(xiě)作2021年3期