2023年6月大學(xué)英語四、六級作文試題評析（三）

賈從永

四? ? ? ? 級

Directions： Suppose the student union of your university is organizing an online discussion on interpersonal relationships. You are to write an essay on ways to maintain a warm and friendly relationship with your classmates and on the benefits of such a relationship. You will have 30 minutes for the task. You should write at least 120 words but no more than 180 words.

這道大學(xué)英語四級作文試題要求考生論述如何維持溫暖而友好的同學(xué)關(guān)系以及這種關(guān)系的益處，但一篇四級作文只能有一個重點，我們應(yīng)該把題目中的哪一點作為本文的重點呢？一般來說，只有在充分分析原因的基礎(chǔ)上提出的措施才具有針對性和可行性，所以我們最好把維持溫暖而友好的同學(xué)關(guān)系的益處（即為什么要維持溫暖而友好的同學(xué)關(guān)系）作為本文論述的重點。至于如何維持這樣的同學(xué)關(guān)系，我們只需在結(jié)尾段中簡潔地提出一條措施即可。

本文可以寫三個段落。第一段提出本文所要討論的話題。我們可以首先指出溫暖而友好的同學(xué)關(guān)系對一個人的大學(xué)經(jīng)歷有著巨大的影響。接著引用上海大學(xué)的一項研究作為證明——和人際關(guān)系弱的學(xué)生相比，與同學(xué)關(guān)系牢固的大學(xué)生學(xué)習(xí)成績更好，承受的壓力也更小。

第二段論述維持溫暖而友好的同學(xué)關(guān)系的益處。我們在論述一個觀點時要有分類意識，即善于從不同的方面或?qū)用嬲归_論述。就本文而言，我們不妨從學(xué)習(xí)成績和心理健康兩個方面展開。首先，積極的同學(xué)關(guān)系能夠顯著地幫助大學(xué)生在學(xué)習(xí)方面取得成功。為了增加說服力，我們需要對這方面略作展開：當(dāng)一個大學(xué)生與同學(xué)關(guān)系密切，他會更有動力上課和參加課堂討論，從而有助于他更深刻地理解教材。其次，相互支持的朋輩網(wǎng)絡(luò)可以減輕大學(xué)生的壓力、焦慮和孤獨感，從而改善他的心理健康?？傊髮W(xué)生總能夠從友好的同學(xué)關(guān)系中受益。

本文可以用措施法結(jié)尾，即提出解決問題的方法。第三段可以指出維持溫暖而友好的同學(xué)關(guān)系的黃金法則是樂于助人。當(dāng)同學(xué)遇到困難時，要向他們伸出援助之手。這是鞏固持久關(guān)系的可靠方法。下面請看參考范文：

A warm and friendly relationship with classmates makes a huge difference in ones college experience. According to a Shanghai University study， college students with strong relationships with their classmates demonstrated higher academic achievement and reported lower levels of stress compared to those with weak social connections.

A positive peer relationship is a significant contributor to academic success. When a college student has a close relationship with his classmates， he is more likely to feel motivated to attend classes and engage in class discussion， which helps him to gain a deeper understanding of the teaching material. Plus， a supportive peer network alleviates a students stress， anxiety and feeling of isolation， thus improving his mental well-being. In a word， a college student is bound to gain from establishing rapport with his fellow students.

As to how to maintain a warm and friendly relationship with your classmates， heres a golden rule： Be helpful！ Always lend a helping hand to your schoolmates when they are in difficulty. It is a sure way to cement a lasting relationship. （173 words）

語言亮點借鑒：

1. A positive peer relationship is a significant contributor to academic success. 積極的同學(xué)關(guān)系是促成學(xué)業(yè)成功的一個顯著因素。

2. Plus， a supportive peer network alleviates a students stress， anxiety and feeling of isolation， thus improving his mental well-being. 此外，熱心支持的朋輩網(wǎng)絡(luò)可以減輕學(xué)生的壓力、焦慮和孤獨感，從而改善他的心理健康。plus另外。這是一個表示并列關(guān)系的過渡詞語。thus improving his mental well-being是一個現(xiàn)在分詞短語作狀語，表示結(jié)果。

3. In a word， a college student is bound to gain from establishing rapport with his fellow students. 總之，大學(xué)生一定能從與同學(xué)建立的融洽關(guān)系中受益。be bound to do sth 一定會做某事。gain from從……中受益。establish / build up / develop （a） rapport with sb與某人建立融洽的關(guān)系。

4. It is a sure way to cement a lasting relationship. 這是一個鞏固持久關(guān)系的可靠方法。cement加強(qiáng)，鞏固。

六? ? ? ? 級

Directions： For this part， you are allowed 30 minutes to write an essay that begins with the sentence “Today there is a growing awareness that mental well-being needs to be given as much attention as physical health.” You can make comments， cite examples or use your personal experiences to develop your essay. You should write at least 150 words but no more than 200 words.

這道大學(xué)英語六級作文試題要求考生論述的話題是人們越來越意識到心理健康需要與身體健康一樣受到重視。我們在審題時要善于簡化題目，抓住本質(zhì)。這道題的本質(zhì)是要求考生論述心理健康的重要性。抓住了這個本質(zhì)，我們就可以從心理健康對人們的身體健康和工作表現(xiàn)的影響的角度展開論述。

這篇作文可以寫三個段落。第一段先指出現(xiàn)在人們越來越意識到心理健康需要和身體健康一樣受到重視。然后我們援引上海大學(xué)的一項研究來說明心理健康問題的嚴(yán)重性——四分之一的該校學(xué)生報告在上一年經(jīng)歷了影響他們學(xué)業(yè)的焦慮、沮喪和孤獨。

第二段論述心理健康的重要性。我們可以先指出心理健康和身體健康一樣重要，然后從心理健康對身體健康和工作表現(xiàn)的影響來闡述其重要性。我們可以采用正反論證，即從正反兩方面進(jìn)行說理，通過對比來增強(qiáng)說服力。首先，心理健康的人往往享有身體健康。作為對比，我們接著指出有心理健康問題的人則很難保持身體健康，比如長期有心理壓力的人經(jīng)常有各種身體健康問題。其次，心理健康還非常有助于在工作中表現(xiàn)出色，因為快樂的工人通常效率更高。相反，有心理健康問題的人經(jīng)常難以集中精力、保持有條理和與同事進(jìn)行交流。在嚴(yán)重的情況下，心理健康問題甚至造成失業(yè)。

本文可以用建議法結(jié)尾，即第三段提出解決問題的建議。考慮到心理健康在人們的生活中所起的重要作用，衛(wèi)生部門必須采取有效措施以確保人們在感情上痛苦時能夠容易地得到專業(yè)的咨詢。下面請看參考范文：

Today there is a growing awareness that mental well-being needs to be given as much attention as physical health. A recent Shanghai University survey found that one in four of its students reported experiencing anxiety， depression or loneliness that affected their studies in the preceding year.

The health of the mind is just as important as the health of the body. Mentally fit people tend to enjoy good physical health. People struggling with mental health challenges， however， can hardly stay physically well. For example， people suffering from chronic stress often have physical health problems. Plus， good mental health is a strong contributor to good performance at work， as happy workers are usually more productive. Conversely， people afflicted with poor mental conditions often struggle to concentrate， stay organized and communicate with co-workers. In severe cases， mental health problems can even lead to job loss.

Considering how much of a role mental health plays in peoples life， it is imperative that health authorities take effective measures to ensure that people have easy access to professional counseling when they are emotionally distressed. （179 words）

語言亮點借鑒：

1. A recent Shanghai University survey found that one in four of its students reported experiencing anxiety， depression or loneliness that affected their studies in the preceding year. 上海大學(xué)最近所做的一項研究發(fā)現(xiàn)，四分之一的該校學(xué)生報告在上一年里經(jīng)歷過影響他們學(xué)習(xí)的焦慮、沮喪或者孤獨。affect（尤指不利地）影響。

2. Mentally fit people tend to enjoy good physical health. 心理健康的人往往享有身體健康。tend to do sth往往做某事。

3. Conversely， people afflicted with poor mental conditions often struggle to concentrate， stay organized and communicate with co-workers.反過來，有心理問題的人經(jīng)常難以集中注意力、保持井然有序和與同事交流。conversely反過來，是做正反論證時的常用過渡語。struggle to do sth艱難地做某事。

4. Considering how much of a role mental health plays in peoples life， it is imperative that health authorities take effective measures to ensure that people have easy access to professional counseling when they are emotionally distressed.考慮到心理健康在人們生活中所起的重要作用，衛(wèi)生部門必須采取有效的措施，以確保人們在感情痛苦時能夠容易地得到專業(yè)的咨詢。it is imperative that...最重要的是……，當(dāng)務(wù)之急是……；這是提建議的一個常用句型。

* 上海外國語大學(xué)國際新聞碩士，講師，專注大學(xué)英語寫作教學(xué)十余年。