陳科芳

概要寫作是一種常見的學術型寫作任務。它是一種“閱讀+寫作”的復合型任務，因此對中學生的閱讀理解能力、概括歸納能力和書面表達能力等均提出了很高的要求。

概要寫作很重要的一個技巧是準確提取信息。信息提取有一定的技巧。首先，要分析閱讀材料的類型。閱讀材料若是一個故事，可以試著找找When，Who，Why，What，Where 和How。其中，最重要的要點是“某人（Who）做了何事（What）”。若是夾敘夾議的文章，還要加上故事的寓意（即5W1H+moral）。如果閱讀材料是議論文，則要根據文章的結構找出其論點、論據和結論，因為這些是關鍵信息的主要所在。而對現(xiàn)象類說明文的閱讀材料，則要找出造成這種現(xiàn)象的原因、解決這種現(xiàn)象或問題的措施或建議。以上只是泛泛而論，具體要根據情況，靈活運用，千萬不可教條化。

本次要介紹的信息提取的一個重要方法，是找出段落的主題句（Topic Sentence）。英語段落的一個比較顯著的特點是，一段一個主題。一般英語的段落不會太長，平均長度在六行左右，一段交代一件事情，段落之間有過渡和連接。每一段往往有一個主題句，主題句相對高頻率出現(xiàn)的位置往往在于段首或者段末，當然，也有出現(xiàn)在段中的情況。具體如何確定主題句，則要依據文章的主旨和段落的發(fā)展情況，來進行分析和判斷。

接下來我們結合德清某高中幾篇高三學生習作，來看一下如何根據段落主題句確定信息主旨，并且結合信息處理和語言判斷來分析學生存在的信息處理問題和語言表達利弊。

[閱讀材料]

概要寫作（滿分25分）：閱讀下面短文，根據其內容寫一篇60詞左右的內容概要。

While many of us go to sleep before midnight， some teenagers choose to stay up much later. They are not driven by the burning desire to write a better essay or achieve a higher grade. Instead， they are busy playing online games. Known as young internet addicts， they have long been a problem in China. A report released in 2010 by the China Youth Association for Network Development showed that there were over 24 million young internet addicts among Chinas young urban internet users. The report also said that over 18 million youth had a tendency to develop internet addiction.

To deal with the problem of internet addiction among teenagers， the Cyberspace Administration of China released draft regulations in January which carried out a ban on online gaming. If the regulations are adopted， under-18s would be banned from playing online games between midnight and 8 am.

As soon as the governments draft law surfaced， it drew great attention from the public. Some applauded the law as a way to better protect minors （未成年人） ， saying that too much overnight gaming is harmful to minors health and believing the period between midnight and 8 am to be vital to human physical functions. However， others wondered whether it would be practicable if it came into effect， as minors could just borrow their parents IDs to register accounts to play online games. The Guangming Daily suggested that parents should help their teenagers find a balance between the cyber world and the real world.

China is by no means the only one trying to fight against teenage gaming addiction. Germany introduced a regulation in 2002 in an attempt to stop minors from playing online games from 10 pm to 6 am. Meanwhile， the UK， the US and Australia have forced a rating system on computer games to make sure that teenagers cannot access “adult” content such as violence， sex or bad language.

[段落主題句分析]

第一段：主題句應該為“Known as young internet addicts， they have long been a problem in China.”這一段主要指出青少年沉迷于網絡不能自拔，以至于熬夜打游戲這樣的事實。這個主題句之前的部分，是來引出問題的。而這個主題句之后的部分，也就是report部分，則是用來支撐這個問題或者觀點的。

第二段：主題句應該為“To deal with the problem of internet addiction among teenagers， the Cyberspace Administration of China released draft regulations in January which carried out a ban on online gaming.”這一段比較短，兩句話的主次關系很分明。

第三段：主題句應該為“As soon as the governments draft law surfaced， it drew great attention from the public.”但這個“public”的態(tài)度如何，則要分正反兩面來說。段落中的“However”是個明顯的標記詞，說明既有贊同的，也有反對的。這個信息結構還是一目了然的。

第四段：主題句應該為“China is by no means the only one trying to fight against teenage gaming addiction.”說明中國不是唯一一個反對青少年游戲上癮的國家，后面就列舉了一些其他國家的例子。

所以說，根據大的話題“反對青少年游戲上癮”，可以基本明了這篇短文想要表達的中心思想。再根據每一段的具體情況，尤其是確定主題句落在哪里，就可以比較清晰地分析相應信息，并進行信息處理。概要寫作，無非就是把獲取到的信息，用自己的話語比較流暢無誤地表達出來即可。

我們來看一下示例的范文，是否跟幾個主題句要表達的內容大同小異呢？答案是顯而易見的。

One possible version：

Many teenagers in China have become addicted to overnight online games. Thus， the government released a draft law to solve the long-lasting issue. Some people welcomed the law because it is beneficial to the teenagers health， while others doubted whether it would be effective. Actually， many other countries have also been making laws against the youth online addiction.

學生習作1 （建議：21分）

Internet addiction among teenagers is a long-standing and head-scratching problem in China. Aimed at solving it， a controversal draft of restricting their time spent on online games from midnight to 8 am has been released while some emphasized its benefits in the protection of teenagers， others doubted it for the difficulty to put into practice. Actually， many countries have also waged a war against the addiction by taking similar measures.

點評1

總的來說，這篇習作反映出了該學生具有較高的英語水平。從信息的把握來看，準確無誤，沒有遺漏。從語言組織來說，總體顯得比較熟練自然，該有的起承轉合也都應用了。詞匯量也比較豐富，如“a long-standing and head-scratching problem”“taking similar measures”等，雖然“controversal”拼錯了，但至少還是了解這個詞的用法和意義的（應該為controversial）。語義之間的關照也比較得體，如講到“many countries”的時候，后面用了“similar measure”，就達到了較好的語義關聯(lián)和呼應。比較明顯的問題發(fā)生在：“Aimed at solving it， a controversal draft...”這個句子感覺比較奇怪、不夠自然，應該調整句式，改為“The government has come up with/released a controversial draft which aims at...”之類的表達?！皐hile some emphasized its benefits in the protection of teenagers， others doubted it for the difficulty to put into practice”也應該單獨成句，跟前面用句號隔開。

學生習作2 （建議：18分）

In China， many teenagers stay up late because of internet addiction. To solve this problem， some regulations were released to ban online gaming， which attracted the publics attention. Some supported the law while some worried that teenagers would borrow their parents ID.

In fact， not only China is trying to do that， so do the UK and other foreign countries.

點評2

這篇習作，雖然語言比較簡潔平易，但總體信息還是把握得比較準確和完整的。從信息處理來說，“while some worried that teenagers would borrow their parents ID”這部分不是特別理想，因為沒有很好說明青少年借用父母的身份證干嗎用，要讀者來猜想或者補足信息自然是不太可取的做法?？傮w語言平實流暢，無太多明顯錯誤。其中，最后一句“so do the UK and other foreign countries”中的 “do”應該改為“are”，因為是承接上一句“not only China is trying to do that”來說的。而且，既然使用了“not only”結構，最好使用“but also”來呼應。英語總體而言是比較精致的語言，講究一致，重視配合，所以學生在寫作的時候，一定要注意檢查核對，否則一不小心就會犯錯誤。

學生習作3 （建議：13分）

It has long been a problem that some teenagers stay up later to play online games in China. It would ban under-18s playing online games between midnight and 8 am to deal with the problem. Some people thought it was a way to better protect minors. However， other people wondered weather it would be a new problem that the minors borrowed their parents ID to play game. So the parents had to help the kids find the balance between the cyber and real world. Meanwhile， China is not the only one to fight against teenage gaming addiction. So are Germany， the UK and the US.

點評3

從信息處理角度來說，雖然該學生比較完整地把握了信息的主要脈絡，但在組織表達方面，顯得比較薄弱?；疽蕾囉谠?，甚至悄悄“借用”了個別句子，如“borrowed their parents ID to play game”“find the balance between the cyber and real world”，反映出其語言的掌控和組織能力還是存在一定欠缺的。比較明顯的問題如下：（1）主語和賓語的使用。典型的例子就是“it”的使用。學生總共四次使用“it”，遺憾的是，除了開頭的形式主語之外，其他每一處“it”的使用都語義比較模糊?！癐t would ban under-18s playing online games”的主語“It”，因為承接了上一句“It has long been a problem”中的主語，而顯得非常有誤導性?！癝ome people thought it”，“it”具體指代什么，不甚清晰?！皁ther people wondered weather it would be a new problem”中的“it”也存在這個問題。（2）句子之間的承接。“to deal with the problem”跟第一句中的“a problem”的聯(lián)系顯得非常松散，建議把這部分移到該句的開頭，這樣前后兩句之間的聯(lián)系會更緊密。“China is not the only one to fight against teenage gaming addiction. So are Germany， the UK and the US.”兩句之間的承接也存在問題，因為上一句中出現(xiàn)“not”這一否定詞，下一句中用“so”就顯得格格不入。（3）句子和詞匯的誤用?！皁ther people wondered weather it would be a new problem that the minors borrowed their parents ID to play game”中的“that”應該改為“if”，因為這是一種假設?！皐eather”這一詞拼寫錯誤（正確拼法為whether）。

學生習作4（建議：8分）

Today， the problem of teenage gaming addiction is becoming more serious. China Chinese government decided to adopt the regulations to ban minors from playing online games between midnight to 8 am. But， it was not enough， some people thought parents should help minors to control time in playing online games. Not only China， many countries have their own way to protect minors from online games.

點評4

從信息處理的角度來看，這篇學生習作最大的問題出在“But， it was not enough， some people thought parents should help minors to control time in playing online games”一句。原文中，政府準備出臺政策，對政府出臺政策這事，人們持有不同觀點。但該生改變了信息的原意，說成“it was not enough”，意思是政府出臺政策還不夠。這有違于原本信息，當然也有違于概要寫作的基本原則。除了信息的失真，還存在信息的缺失，比如人們對政府出臺政策的正反兩方觀點，就沒有得到體現(xiàn)。從語言角度來看，也是比較勉強的，如“China Chinese government”（沒有這個說法）、“But， it was not enough， some people...”（應該適當斷句）、“Not only China， many countries have their own way...”（缺少語義關聯(lián)詞）。

學生習作5（建議：5分）

Some teenagers didnt achieve a higher grade by stay up much later to play online games. To deal with this problem， the Cyberspace Administration of China did more. But those couldnt change it， many protect minors played online games in register accounts. We should learn from another people to deal with it.

點評5

從信息處理來說，該學生明顯抓不住信息的重點所在?！癮chieve a higher grade”在原文中是一個很次要的信息，而在該學生的習作中，卻被煞有其事地提出來，而且“achieve a higher grade by stay up much later”和“play online games”中間居然用一個“to”（表示目的）連接起來，給讀者造成不小的理解困難?！皌he Cyberspace Administration of China did more”所提供的信息非常模糊（vague）?！癇ut those couldnt change it”這一句問題也很大：為何用But？ those指代誰？it到底指向什么？跟下半句的關聯(lián)是什么？“many protect minors played online games in register accounts”這部分存在明顯語法錯誤。最后一句“We should learn from another people to deal with it”除了有語言問題，提供的信息更是讓人云里霧里，而其實原文中最后一段的意思是其他國家也在采取類似措施?？梢哉f，通篇來看，該考生完全沒有抓住信息的實質內容，語言水準也比較低下。