從一篇作文透析人物類話題的寫(xiě)作技巧

to follow

Just as an old Chinese proverb goes， "Aspire to inspire until I expire！01"

Nelson Mandela， a great hero and giant of a man， tells us by using

his own experience that fortitude in the face of adversity and perseverance on your dream are the golden rules to the success02. To put it another

way around， it is impossible that Nelson Mandela can fulfill his dream to change the world without the courage to embrace unexpected setbacks and challenges03.

Nelson Mandela was born in Transkei， South Africa， on July 18， 1918. His father was Chief Henry Mandela of the Tembu Tribe. Mandela himself was educated at the University College of Fort Hare and the University of Witwatersrand and was awarded a law degree in 1942. He then joined the African National Congress in 1944 and was engaged in resistance against the ruling National Party's apartheid policies after 1948.

Mandela was elected the country's president04 in 1994. He served until 1999. Mandela's autobiography， Long Walk to Freedom， was published in 1994. In his life time， he won nearly 100 awards. In 1993， he was honored with the Nobel Peace Prize， which was to commend05 his contribution to end racial discrimination.

On June 12， 1964， Mandela was sentenced to life imprisonment. From 1964 to 1982， he was incarcerated at Robben Island prison， off Cape Town. Thereafter， he was at Pollsmoor prison， which is on the mainland. During his years in prison， Nelson Mandela's reputation grew steadily. He was widely accepted as the most significant black leader in South Africa and became a potent symbol of resistance the anti-apartheid movement06. He consistently refused to compromise his political position to obtain his freedom.07

Nelson Mandela was released on February 18， 1990. After his release， he plunged himself wholeheartedly into08 his lifetime work， striving to attain the goals he and other like-minded people had set out almost four decades earlier. He once said， "As I walked out the door toward the gate that would lead to my freedom， I knew if I didn't leave my bitterness and hatred behind， I'd still be in prison.09"

In my opinion， it was optimism and courage， as well as the fortitude in the face of unexpected setbacks that were the significant qualities of this great man's road to success10.

提到人物類話題作文，同學(xué)們應(yīng)該并不陌生。若是此時(shí)讓大家就“對(duì)某個(gè)具體人物的看法”暢所欲言，相信很多同學(xué)腦海里最先冒出來(lái)的是一些“高大上”的形容詞，或是一些結(jié)論性的點(diǎn)評(píng)語(yǔ)句，而這些對(duì)于寫(xiě)好人物類話題作文還遠(yuǎn)遠(yuǎn)不夠。事實(shí)上，寫(xiě)好人物類話題作文關(guān)鍵在于兩點(diǎn)：一是如何形象而又深刻地將這些形容詞和句子傳達(dá)給讀者，二是怎樣讓人物躍然紙上。而關(guān)于這兩方面，相信大家在讀過(guò)南京中華中學(xué)高三13班陳彥清同學(xué)的這篇作文之后會(huì)找到一些靈感。

dreams

The Secret of Success

through

01 本文在開(kāi)篇引用諺語(yǔ)Aspire to inspire until I expire （生命不息，奮斗不止），將文章的主題和文中人物的精神思想以非常精煉的形式傳達(dá)給了讀者，寫(xiě)作手法十分巧妙。

02 此處的success應(yīng)為泛指，無(wú)需添加定冠詞the。

03 本句表達(dá)不夠地道，建議修改為：To put it another way， it would have been impossible for Nelson Mandela to fulfill his dream of changing the world without having the courage to embrace unexpected setbacks and challenges.

04 本句位于段首，建議將句中的the country's president改為president of South Africa，這樣不僅能讓意思傳達(dá)得更加清晰、準(zhǔn)確，而且也能使句子更地道。

05 這個(gè)定語(yǔ)從句用在此處非但沒(méi)有為文章增色，反而使句子有點(diǎn)冗長(zhǎng)、累贅。“為了表?yè)P(yáng)……”完全可以用短語(yǔ)in commendation for來(lái)表達(dá)，這樣句子既簡(jiǎn)潔又地道。修改后句子變?yōu)椋篽e was honored with the Nobel Peace Prize in commendation for his contribution ...

總評(píng)

在本文中，作者以優(yōu)美而又不失嚴(yán)謹(jǐn)?shù)墓P觸為我們勾畫(huà)出了曼德拉總統(tǒng)樂(lè)觀、勇敢、堅(jiān)毅的形象。同時(shí)，通過(guò)精煉的敘事方式，作者以有限的篇幅向讀者盡量完整地講述了曼德拉總統(tǒng)偉大的、無(wú)私奉獻(xiàn)的一生中的諸多重大事件。更加難能可貴的是，作者在對(duì)人物、事件進(jìn)行客觀描述的同時(shí)，也兼顧了自己的獨(dú)立思考和總結(jié)。讀畢，不論是從文章的整體布局，還是具體詞句的使用，我們都不難看出作者扎實(shí)、深厚的英文功底和良好的駕馭文字的能力。從整體上看，除個(gè)別語(yǔ)句在語(yǔ)法上存在瑕疵，本文實(shí)屬一篇佳作。

教師簡(jiǎn)介：

陶凱，北京新東方學(xué)校優(yōu)能中學(xué)優(yōu)秀教師，主講中考英語(yǔ)，教學(xué)經(jīng)驗(yàn)豐富，曾在北京、山東、河北、遼寧等省市做講座，面授學(xué)員達(dá)萬(wàn)余人；曾獲“北京新東方學(xué)校2013 財(cái)年優(yōu)秀教師”稱號(hào)。

技巧小結(jié)

1

適當(dāng)使用諺語(yǔ)和名人語(yǔ)錄，如文章倒數(shù)第二段引用的曼德拉總統(tǒng)的名言：As I walked out the door toward the gate that would lead to my freedom， I knew if I didn't leave my bitterness and hatred behind， I'd still be in prison. 既是文章情節(jié)的自然發(fā)展，又能從側(cè)面凝練概括地描繪出人物的性格特征，比直接對(duì)人物進(jìn)行描述更有說(shuō)服力。

2

描寫(xiě)人物時(shí)要多用能夠體現(xiàn)出人物性格特征的詞匯，如optimism、courage、fortitude等，讓人物形象更生動(dòng)。

3

適當(dāng)使用高級(jí)句型，如點(diǎn)評(píng)10中的強(qiáng)調(diào)句，來(lái)豐富表達(dá)，為文章增加亮點(diǎn)。

4

透過(guò)核心事件刻畫(huà)人物的重要性格特征，避免機(jī)械地堆砌大量形容詞或一些結(jié)論性的點(diǎn)評(píng)語(yǔ)句。

06 本句存在一個(gè)語(yǔ)法上的小瑕疵，曼德拉總統(tǒng)應(yīng)該是“在”反種族隔離運(yùn)動(dòng)中成為一個(gè)強(qiáng)有力的抵抗代表，因此需在the anti-apartheid movement前添加介詞in。

07 本句不論在內(nèi)容上還是在形式上都使用得非常精彩。作者通過(guò)consistently、refuse to compromise等將曼德拉總統(tǒng)不屈不撓的斗爭(zhēng)精神和大公無(wú)私的奉獻(xiàn)精神表達(dá)得淋漓盡致。

08 動(dòng)詞短語(yǔ)plunge ... into意為“突然投入到……中”，此處使用不當(dāng)，建議使用短語(yǔ)devote ... to。

09 此處引用曼德拉總統(tǒng)的經(jīng)典語(yǔ)錄，將人物樂(lè)觀、寬容、勇敢和堅(jiān)定的形象更加直觀地呈現(xiàn)到讀者眼前，讓讀者真切地感受到曼德拉總統(tǒng)的人格魅力。與此同時(shí)，本句也為最后一段作者進(jìn)行總結(jié)和概括全文做了鋪墊。

10 這是一個(gè)it was ... that ...結(jié)構(gòu)的強(qiáng)調(diào)句，作者使用得非常好，不僅在文章結(jié)尾處突出了重點(diǎn)，還使文章句式看起來(lái)豐富多樣，可謂一箭雙雕。