趙伐

【寫(xiě)作任務(wù)】

假定你是李華，是某國(guó)際學(xué)校的音樂(lè)俱樂(lè)部（Music Club）負(fù)責(zé)人。為了提升同學(xué)們的音樂(lè)欣賞水平并擴(kuò)大俱樂(lè)部的影響力，該俱樂(lè)部決定招納新成員，請(qǐng)你用英語(yǔ)寫(xiě)一則納新啟事，內(nèi)容包括：（1）納新時(shí)間和地點(diǎn);（2）對(duì)新成員的要求;（3）俱樂(lè)部的活動(dòng)。

【學(xué)生原文】

Members Wanted

Members are wanted for Music Club⑴. Those interested can sign up at the Club office before this Friday.

Basic requirements for member⑵are enthusiasm in music⑶ and capacity of playing at least one kind of instrument. Once you become part of us， you’ll be able to participate in a wide range of activities ranging from⑷enjoying various music every Thursday to sharing your?favorite songs with other club members every Friday.

Every⑸student qualified is welcome to join us！

Music Club

【趙教授批改】

（1）Members are wanted改為New members are wanted。但這種寫(xiě)法，以及后面的Those interested can sign up... 讀起來(lái)顯得比較impersonal，不夠親切。用被動(dòng)式就會(huì)產(chǎn)生這種效果。另外，be wanted讓人聯(lián)想到“緝拿”（英語(yǔ)國(guó)家通緝罪犯的布告就用這個(gè)表達(dá)）;建議改為New members are welcome to our Music Club！

（2）Basic requirements for member are改為Basic requirements for successful candidates include. 因?yàn)閙ember指已經(jīng)是成員了，而successful candidates指即將成功地作為成員。

（3）requirement指a quality or qualification that one must have in order to be allowed to do something or to be suitable for something（做某事或適合做某事的必備條件，包括品質(zhì)、素質(zhì)、資格、能力等），但enthusiasm是指情感，不是品質(zhì)或能力。這句話可以改為Basic requirements for successful candidates include the capacity of playing at least one kind of music instruments， plus enthusiasm in music.

（4）這句話用了兩個(gè)range，屬于贅述（redundancy），改為participate in activities ranging from... 或participate in a wide range of activities from… to...;另外，various music改為various music works/pieces.

（5）every的意思是“所有人（沒(méi)有例外）”（each and all of the members of a group considered singly and without exception），語(yǔ)氣有強(qiáng)迫之嫌，改為Anyone qualified is welcome to join us.

【總結(jié)】

這則啟事寫(xiě)得不錯(cuò)，清楚明了，幾個(gè)要點(diǎn)都寫(xiě)到了。存在的問(wèn)題主要在語(yǔ)言上，如用詞須更準(zhǔn)確、避免贅述等。