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      巧用曲折性原則寫好個(gè)人成長(zhǎng)類讀后續(xù)寫

      2024-03-13 13:22:35李奕群
      瘋狂英語·新閱版 2024年1期
      關(guān)鍵詞:卡里個(gè)人成長(zhǎng)升華

      李奕群

      【問題導(dǎo)讀】

      讀后續(xù)寫中的故事續(xù)寫除了要求學(xué)生掌握豐富的詞匯和句式外,還要求學(xué)生具備內(nèi)容構(gòu)思和情節(jié)銜接的能力。在寫作中,我們發(fā)現(xiàn)很多同學(xué)續(xù)寫的內(nèi)容平淡,缺乏吸引力,不能抓住讀者的眼球。這是因?yàn)樗麄冊(cè)趦?nèi)容構(gòu)思上出了問題,整個(gè)故事的情節(jié)構(gòu)思沒有沖突和高潮,即沒有遵守曲折性原則。

      【名師導(dǎo)學(xué)】

      凡是故事都應(yīng)有起伏或矛盾沖突,其中的人物會(huì)遇到不同類型的困難,這些困難往往最終能得到解決。但情節(jié)設(shè)計(jì)不能過于復(fù)雜或離奇,否則讀者(閱卷老師)不能快速讀懂你想表達(dá)的內(nèi)容。而且往往文章中出現(xiàn)的矛盾是負(fù)面的,如何在接下來的續(xù)寫中將“負(fù)”轉(zhuǎn)為“正”就非常重要,有時(shí)候轉(zhuǎn)“正”之后,同學(xué)們需要自己再次挖掘隱含內(nèi)容,再轉(zhuǎn)“負(fù)”,最后再轉(zhuǎn)“正”。這就是同學(xué)們?cè)谶M(jìn)行讀后續(xù)寫寫作時(shí)應(yīng)該遵守的曲折性原則。高考中的讀后續(xù)寫多傾向于弘揚(yáng)真善美,宣揚(yáng)正能量,因此這種“負(fù)”轉(zhuǎn)“正”的構(gòu)思可以廣泛運(yùn)用于個(gè)人成長(zhǎng)類的讀后續(xù)寫中。

      【案例導(dǎo)引】

      閱讀下面短文,根據(jù)所給情節(jié)進(jìn)行續(xù)寫,使之構(gòu)成一個(gè)完整的故事。

      I could feel the excitement rising in me as I held the beautifully wrapped present inmy hands. I felt the string of the package soft and then, unable to contain my curiosity anylonger, I tore it open. It was a bright, brand new laptop. I had scored straight A's as for myO level examination and this was my reward. I had always envied my friends who wereexchanging news about“ chat rooms”,“ instant messaging” and“ e?mailing”, all of which I?knew nothing about. Now I was going to find out.

      It started out simply enough. I was searching for some information online when I cameacross a social networking site. Soon I became addicted to my new?found electronic friend.I began to spend more and more time on the Internet. I had never imagined that the daywould come when I would be controlled entirely by the glowing screen before me. WheneverI was not glued to these social networking sites, I would be going through gossip orfashion websites.

      As time passed, I realized that I was addicted to the Internet. During weekends, whenI had more time on my hands, I could easily spend a few hours on my laptop. It came to apoint where I chose to lock myself in my room, refusing to come out and take part in familydiscussions. I preferred to stay connected to the friends on the Internet, although I hadnever met them. Soon I was spending the whole hours of the morning surfing the Internet.Sleep was reduced to small naps and my grades at school also began getting from bad toworse.

      注意:續(xù)寫詞數(shù)應(yīng)為150左右。

      Paragraph 1:

      It was about this time that my parents noticed my change.______________

      Paragraph 2:

      Then one day, my father took away my laptop.____________________

      一、故事梳理

      這篇文章以第一人稱視角講述了作者因沉迷于網(wǎng)絡(luò)而荒廢學(xué)業(yè)的故事。作者考試成績(jī)獲得全優(yōu),父母給他買了一臺(tái)全新的筆記本電腦作為獎(jiǎng)勵(lì)。漸漸地,作者開始沉迷于網(wǎng)絡(luò),不再與父母交流,學(xué)習(xí)成績(jī)也一落千丈。我們可以用“5W原則”來分析文章結(jié)構(gòu)和內(nèi)容:

      二、語言分析

      通過觀察,我們發(fā)現(xiàn)原文對(duì)成長(zhǎng)前的苦惱進(jìn)行了大篇幅的描寫,即對(duì)負(fù)面情緒有很多描寫。比如:

      1. I began to spend more and more time on the Internet.( Para. 2)

      我開始花越來越多的時(shí)間在網(wǎng)絡(luò)上。

      2. I had never imagined that the day would come when I would be controlled entirely by the glowing screen before me.( Para. 2)

      我從來沒有想過,有一天我會(huì)完全被我面前發(fā)光的屏幕所控制。

      3. As time passed, I realized that I was addicted to the Internet.( Para. 3)

      隨著時(shí)間的推移,我意識(shí)到我迷上了互聯(lián)網(wǎng)。

      4. It came to a point where I chose to lock myself in my room, refusing to come out and take part in family discussions.( Para. 3)

      后來,我選擇把自己鎖在房間里,拒絕出來參加家庭討論。

      三、常用招式

      成長(zhǎng)類故事構(gòu)造“三步曲”:

      第一步——成長(zhǎng)前(負(fù)面情緒)

      ●孤獨(dú)

      I never made friends easily, and for a time I did little more than get on speaking termswith some boys. 我從來不輕易交朋友,有一段時(shí)間,我除了和一些男孩談笑風(fēng)生之外,幾乎沒有做什么。

      ●傷心

      1. I found nothing in my pocket, a fact that seemed like a spear piercing into my heartwhich started to bleed immediately. 我在口袋里什么也沒發(fā)現(xiàn),這個(gè)事實(shí)就像一把長(zhǎng)矛刺進(jìn)我的心臟,我的心臟立刻開始流血。

      2. Looking around anxiously, I almost burst into crying. 看了看周圍,我焦急地幾乎哭了起來。

      ●慚愧

      1. She was overwhelmed/overcome/consumed with guilt and shame. 她充滿了內(nèi)疚和羞愧。

      2. A wave of guilt swept over me and I had to admit the fact that I had gone to themovies and that was the real reason why I was late. 一股罪惡感席卷了我,我不得不承認(rèn)我去看電影了,這就是我遲到的真正原因。

      ●嘲笑

      They laughed loudly with screaming words like“ What a finest broken watch!”. 他們大聲地笑著,尖叫著說類似“多漂亮的破表?。 钡脑捳Z。

      ●絕望

      “My mother wouldn't let me bring it,” I lied, desperation boiling inside me.“ 我媽媽不讓我?guī)?。”我撒謊道,絕望在我心中沸騰。

      ●緊張

      1. Meanwhile, Karie sat restlessly in her seat with her fingers crossed. 與此同時(shí),卡里不安地坐在座位上,手指交叉著。

      2. She told the teacher the truth, with her heart thumping/pounding/pumping like a drum. 她把真相告訴了老師,心怦怦直跳。

      3. Having paced up and down restlessly in front of the teacher's office, she finally gathered courage and plodded in. 她在老師辦公室前不安地踱來踱去,終于鼓起勇氣,邁著沉重的步伐地走了進(jìn)去。

      ●害怕

      I unknowingly avoided interacting with anyone because I was afraid they'd laugh atme in my face. 我不自覺地避免與任何人交流,因?yàn)槲遗滤麄儺?dāng)面嘲笑我。

      第二步——成長(zhǎng)中(蛻變與塑造)

      ●驚訝

      Raising her eyebrows in surprise, Mrs Rossi froze, as if rooted on the ground. 羅西夫人驚訝地?fù)P起眉毛,愣住了,仿佛在地上扎了根。

      ●希望

      Jayce looked up to him, his eyes sparkling with hope and determination. 杰斯抬起頭看著他,眼睛里閃爍著希望和決心。

      ●教育與成長(zhǎng)

      1.“ That's not the right way. Patience, Will. Patience,” a voice echoed in my ears afterthe boys left.“ 那不是正確的方式。耐心點(diǎn),威爾,耐心點(diǎn)?!蹦泻冸x開后,一個(gè)聲音在我耳邊回響。

      2.“ What was done was done,” I thought to myself.“ What is important now is to docorrect things next.”“ 過去的事過去了。”我心里想,“現(xiàn)在重要的是下一步做正確的事情?!?/p>

      3. Though anger, embarrassment and sadness hung heavily in the air, the voice drewme to the awareness of the mistakes I had made when I attempted to impress the boys. 雖然憤怒、尷尬和悲傷沉重地彌漫在空氣中,但這個(gè)聲音讓我意識(shí)到我在試圖讓那些男孩留下深刻印象時(shí)犯下的錯(cuò)誤。

      第三步——成長(zhǎng)后(正面情緒+升華)

      ●喜悅

      1. Karie grinned as she read the label on the box. 卡里一邊看盒子上的標(biāo)簽,一邊咧嘴一笑。

      2. Hearing that, Karie grinned from ear to ear, a wave of happiness flooding over her.聽到這話,卡里笑得合不攏嘴,一股幸福的浪潮涌上她的心頭。

      ●感激

      I looked at her, tears of love and gratitude welling up in my eyes. 我看著她,愛與感激的淚水奪眶而出。

      ●升華

      1. I knew for sure that every time I lost patience in the future I would remember mygrandfather's words. 我確信,將來每當(dāng)我失去耐心時(shí),我都會(huì)想起祖父的話。

      2. It was the first time that I had truly realized the meaning of the gift—patience. 這是我第一次真正體會(huì)到這份禮物的意義——耐心。

      【參考范文】

      Paragraph 1:

      It was about this time that my parents noticed my change. They voiced their disap?proval. It became obvious to them that I was spending too much time on the Internet. I wasasked to slow down my usage of the Internet. Yet, however hard I tried, I was unable topull myself away, unable to end my chat sessions, and unable to concentrate on mylessons. I was desperate for just another click, just another look at my e?mail or mes?sage board.( 成長(zhǎng)前:負(fù)面情緒)

      Paragraph 2:

      Then one day, my father took away my laptop. I cried and objected but in vain. Dadhad made up his mind. But over time, I realized that Dad and Mum had alwayswanted the best for me.( 成長(zhǎng)中:蛻變與塑造) That was when I decided to take the bigstep—to conquer my Internet addiction. Quitting was harder than I had expected. But withdogged determination, I knew that I would be able to do it. It was never too late tochange. (成長(zhǎng)后:正面情緒+升華)

      【模擬導(dǎo)練】

      閱讀下面短文,根據(jù)所給情節(jié)進(jìn)行續(xù)寫,使之構(gòu)成一個(gè)完整的故事。

      Ring a bell

      Ms Tracy looked up from her yellow notebook and cleared her throat. The noise in theclass died down as we turned towards her.“ We're going to help a charity to collect moneyby ringing a bell. Each of you will ring it for four hours,” she announced. As the words lefther lips, complaints could be heard around the room. Unwillingly, I dug for my planner andlooked for notes. I could use the four hours of ringing a stupid bell to study for the SAT.Was this supposed to be a joke? I joined the students around the table and signed up forthe first day of break—to get it over with.

      A few weeks later, I was standing next to the big blue?and?white Walmart. There wasanother guy holding a jar across from me. Great, I was going to be stuck here ringing a bellwith a guy who was trying to get donations for another charity. To top it off, it was onlyabout 4.4 ℃.

      Slowly, I put on the red dress bearing the symbol of charity. I hoped that I had alreadyspent two minutes doing that. Ring! Ring! A group of older women came up with theirwalking sticks to drop in some change. А man came by and put some coins in. I checkedmy phone. Just 10 minutes had passed.

      A strong bitterly?cold wind blew against my freezing face. I was starting to regretignoring my moms advice to wear a scarf. I looked up, wishing that time would pass morequickly. A few birds swept around the poles. The sky was gently blue. Palm trees waved inthe cold wind. How comfortable it might be to curl (蜷縮) up with a hot cup of tea and abook on the cozy sofa! Then another ring brought me back to reality.

      注意:續(xù)寫詞數(shù)應(yīng)為150左右。

      Paragraph 1:

      From the parking lot stepped out a poorly?dressed man, walking with difficulty towards me.

      Paragraph 2:

      Inspired by his generosity, I continued to ring my bell happily.

      【評(píng)價(jià)導(dǎo)思】

      1. 這篇文章是否屬于個(gè)人成長(zhǎng)類讀后續(xù)寫?

      2. 文章中設(shè)置了哪些沖突?有哪些成長(zhǎng)前的負(fù)面情緒的描寫?

      3. 我可以怎樣運(yùn)用曲折性原則和成長(zhǎng)類故事“三步曲”進(jìn)行續(xù)寫?

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