廖英

近幾年，高考書面表達命題形式逐漸由限制型向開放型過渡，給同學們提供了更大的發(fā)揮空間。作為開放性作文的一種形式，漫畫作文往往要求同學們將有豐富寓意的圖畫轉(zhuǎn)變成文字形式。以下讓我們從科學技術(shù)這個話題切入來談談如何構(gòu)思行文此類文章，請看下列話題：

請根據(jù)下面提示，寫一篇短文，詞數(shù)不少于120.

You are discussing the following picture with your friend Jim. Now you are telling him how you understand the picture and what makes you think so.

點撥 漫畫家往往從政治事件或生活現(xiàn)象中取材，通過夸張、比喻、象征、寓意等手法，表現(xiàn)為幽默、詼諧的畫面，借以諷刺、批評或歌頌某些人和事。攻克此類文章的關(guān)鍵在于仔細分析、觀察細節(jié)。通過仔細讀圖，我們可以把這幅漫畫概括出以下三個內(nèi)容要點：祖父的生日聚會；子孫晚輩都在場卻個個為“低頭族”；祖父很失望無助。這幅漫畫的寓意是：當今社會人們迷戀電子產(chǎn)品，彼此間越來越冷漠。

把握了寓意后，接下來就應思考如何謀篇布局了。我們大體上可以將文章分為三段。第一段主要是讀圖，即描述漫畫中的信息。第一句話應該開門見山地說明漫畫中討論的是什么事情，然后進一步描述細節(jié)，點明漫畫的象征意義。第二段是全文的重點，可以具體分析圖畫中折射的社會現(xiàn)象： 1. 數(shù)碼產(chǎn)品讓人癡迷。2. 過度沉迷依賴科技產(chǎn)品的后果。同學們在提出一個總論點之后，可借助“firstly， secondly， thirdly”等形式提出分支論點，從而讓觀點更清晰具體。第三段是總結(jié)段落，應闡明自己的觀點，如平衡科技和生活的關(guān)系。

習作一

As the picture shown， it is the day that every children should celebrate their grandfathers birthday， also should accompany with their grandfather， while his guys are all lost in playing their ceilphone！ What a ridiculous scene！ This phenomenon should be attached much importance by citizens.

Being too accustomed to their ceilphone， their mental and physical health will be seriously effected. The authentic world of internet couldnt give us the real and accessible comfort and motivation. We are under the control of those machine that has no emotion， no real sense. There is no escaping the fact that playing ceilphone will straightly hurt our eyes and sprain.

Instead of playing the ceilphone while we are available， we should do some energetic and beneficial activity， such as taking exercise， having a reading in a quiet afternoon when you are alone， all of these could also help us remove our attention to the electronic machine and do something meaningful.

點評 這是一篇中檔習作。其優(yōu)點是：

1. 作者運用了一些高級詞匯表達。高考作文中的高級詞匯主要指的是高中階段所學的詞匯。也就是說作者能夠很好的活學活用。如：available， accessible， phenomenon， be accustomed to.

2. 語言表達基本流暢，層次分明。每段都有一個主題句，觀點明確。

3. 句式多樣，巧用感嘆句，激發(fā)情感上的共鳴，如：what a ridiculous scene！此外作者嘗試運用了一些高級句式表達，如：there is no escaping the fact that...，以及第一段的it is the day that...這一強調(diào)句型。

不足之處是：

1. 個別表達不正確，基本知識掌握不牢固。拼寫錯誤ceilphone，effected，正確形式應為cell phone， affected。此外，個別單復數(shù)對應不一致，如：every children， those machine， some activity。另外，一些固定短語識記不清楚，如attach importance to， 作者運用過程中少了個to。accompany with sb 應改為accompany sb。

2. 在嘗試一些高級表達過程中出現(xiàn)了一些錯誤，如：being too accustomed to their cell phone， their mental and physical health...，此處系表結(jié)構(gòu)的動詞短語在作狀語而非主語，應去掉being。As the picture shown應改為 as is shown in the picture 或as the picture shows。

3. 第二段內(nèi)容可以再充實一下，將電子產(chǎn)品帶來的身體和心理上的危害更加具體化一些。同時也可以添加一下銜接過渡詞，如：firstly， secondly，讓觀點更清晰。

習作二

As is shown in the drawing， at the Grandpas birthday party， the four children as well as their parents are just fixing their eyes on phone screens， leaving the old man sighing alone. What is to blame for spoiling the harmonious atmosphere？ Without doubt， it is peoples addiction to digital products.

With the technology developing rapidly， multifunctional cell phones are being wildly used. We can keep in touch with our friends and comment on current affairs despite the limitation of distance and time. But every coin has two sides. Gradually a controversial question arises-Do these advanced products indeed make our life simpler or happier？ Perhaps not. To begin with， being exposed to the screen for too long will do harm to our health， such as nearsightedness and pain in the neck. Secondly， absorbed in playing with cell phones， we may easily get distracted， which may lead to some safety concern especially when we are crossing the road. Last but not the least， we are so trapped in the virtual world that we may gradually lose the ability to communicate with others face to face

It is high time that we should reflect ourselves. While you are chatting with strangers online， why not set aside some time to talk with your parents？ As technology is created and developed to color our life rather than turn us into separate ones， making proper use of it is of critical importance.

點評 這是一篇高檔習作。

1. 本文結(jié)構(gòu)清晰，銜接過渡自然。作者采用三段體，每個段落主題突出，各有側(cè)重又緊密聯(lián)系。同時每段主要采用主題句加支撐句的形式，很好的運用了邏輯銜接詞，如：to begin with， secondly， last but not the least， while。

2. 本文詞匯豐富多樣，活學活用，作者語用意識強。如高級表達controversial； arise； fix...on； be exposed to； be absorbed in； be trapped in； set aside； comment on. 同時也有一些自己課外積累的表達，如harmonious， distract， virtual world， be of critical importance。

3. 長短句結(jié)合，抑揚頓挫。以下這些高級句型可供我們學習。

The four children …are just fixing…， leaving the old man sighing alone.（V-ing作狀語）

With the technology developing rapidly…（with復合結(jié)構(gòu)）

Being exposed to the screen for too long will do…（動名詞作主語）

Absorbed in playing with cell phones， we may easily…（V-ed作狀語）

It is high time that we should…（固定句型）

4. 巧用問句，頻邀讀者共思考。在寫作技巧上，作者在每段中都和貼切的使用了一個問句，前兩段中采用自問自答的形式，清晰表明自己觀點看法。文末的反問句則邀請讀者反思自身行為，達到了文斷意不斷的效果。

拓展 高中英語教材中有不少關(guān)于科學技術(shù)的話題單元，如人教修訂版必修2 Unit3 Computers，必修5 Life in the future，選修7 Unit2 Robots，選修8 Unit3 Inventors and inventions。同學們可回歸課本的這些話題來激活相關(guān)詞匯表達并打開自己的思維。同時，著名Ted演講集里面也有關(guān)于此類話題的英語原聲視頻，如Sherry Turkle的Connected， but alone. 相信同學們觀看后感觸會更多更深。endprint

相關(guān)詞匯：

digital products/devices數(shù)碼產(chǎn)品

flood the market…涌入市場

sigh and frown 嘆氣和皺眉頭

with a disappointed look 帶著失望的表情

be occupied/engaged/absorbed/busy in忙于做……

kill time打發(fā)時間

be addicted to 沉溺于；對……上癮

virtual world虛擬世界

psychological barrier心理隔閡

lack face-to-face communication缺乏面對面交流

相關(guān)語句：

（1）The drawing depicts/mirrors/reflects a common social phenomenon that...

（2）All the children are holding digital products in hands， each smiling to their ear， leaving the grandpa alone.

（3）With the development of technology， human life has changed tremendously.

（4）Digital products are being widely used in all phrases of society and all works of life.

（5）With the internet， it is convenient and fast for people to get a variety of information.

（6） Not only are we able to connect others whenever we want， but also wandering in the virtual world provides us with temporary comfort in the high-paced modern society.

（7）Despite the convenience of digital devices， there still remain many problems worth paying attention to.

（8）Being addicted to them will bring many negative consequences.

（9）Accustomed to living with them， we are bound to have trouble in distinguishing the virtual world from the real world.

（10）So addicted to technology are we that weve reached a stage where we expect more from technology but less from each other.

（11） Full advantage should be taken of this technology to improve the quality of our life.

（12）However fancy and advanced digital products may become， it should be kept in mind that we should be their masters rather than at the mercy of them.