谷約

中美在文化上存在著諸多差異，這些差異導(dǎo)致兩國人民在交流和溝通時出現(xiàn)了一些理解障礙。這一點也同樣存在于留學(xué)文書的寫作中。很多申請者在文書里寫了一些極具中國特色的內(nèi)容，卻沒有在文中加入必要的背景介紹和文化注解，想當(dāng)然地以為讀者（美國大學(xué)招生官）可以完全讀懂。但在很多情況下，對方并不了解你想表達(dá)的意思，這樣會使文書效果大打折扣。

就拿“苦讀”的概念來說吧。很多申請者都喜歡在文書里走“苦情”路線，用大量筆墨描寫自己的“苦讀”經(jīng)歷。中國自古就有“頭懸梁錐刺股”的故事和“十年寒窗無人問，一舉成名天下知”的俗諺。簡而言之，中國人認(rèn)為學(xué)習(xí)是要吃苦的，“學(xué)海無涯苦作舟”。但是，這個看似簡單的概念要傳達(dá)給美國讀者卻有相當(dāng)?shù)碾y度。這其中的原因就是文化差異：在英語里，根本就沒有“吃苦”這一說法。在美國文化中，讀書是件快樂的事。美國人甚至不認(rèn)為“吃苦”是優(yōu)秀的品質(zhì)，他們更看重的是讀書的目的和結(jié)果。所以，我們在輸出本土（東方）價值觀的時候，一定要考慮西方讀者是否能夠理解和接受。倘若不能，就有必要進(jìn)行適當(dāng)?shù)男薷幕蛟黾幼⒔狻?/p>

下面是一個留學(xué)文書的改后例文。學(xué)生希望在文書中引用“頭懸梁錐刺股”的故事，所以我們在對其英文原稿進(jìn)行改寫時，在講清楚故事的基礎(chǔ)上，反其道而行之，對“苦讀”的觀念表示反對。這樣一來就避免了把申請者塑造成死讀書的書呆子形象，會使其更容易贏得招生官的青睞。請看如下改后的部分例文。

In ancient China， there were two rather famous students-turned-scholars named Sun Jing and Su Qin. They studied very hard， but when they studied for a long period of time， they would get tired and eventually doze off. To fight exhaustion and stay awake， Sun Jing tied his hair to a house beam while Su Qin stuck an awl in his calf.

Almost everyone in China at some point in his or her life has heard this story. Many teachers and parents motivate their kids by repeating the story again and again. The idea being communicated is that learning is all about “eating bitterness”： meaning that learning is no fun. One has to endure severe hardship， stay up late reciting， writing and cramming for exams before one can savor the sweetness of graduation as a straight A student. I am not a perfect straight A student in the Chinese traditional sense …

除了文化典故，任何中國獨有而美國沒有的概念都需要謹(jǐn)慎處理，做必要的解釋，以免引起誤解。常見的概念主要包括以下三類。

1. 計量單位。米、公里、斤、公斤等需要換算成英制，人民幣要換算成美元。

2. 地名。一般中國的地名譯成英語時用拼音表示，但是除了北京、上海和廣州，大多城市如果僅僅給出拼音，外國讀者對它們基本沒什么概念，所以申請者在寫作時最好附上城市的具體方位。例如，溫州就可以寫為“Wenzhou， a prefecture-level city in southeastern Zhejiang province on Chinas east coast”，這樣的表述就非常精準(zhǔn)。當(dāng)然，如果外國讀者連溫州在中國的哪里都不知道的話，那就更不可能了解那里是私營中小企業(yè)的集中地。所以，有時申請者甚至需要進(jìn)行更為具體的補(bǔ)充說明。比如，有一個學(xué)生申請會計專業(yè)，在寫長期職業(yè)目標(biāo)時，他說要去溫州幫助解決那里的私人借貸問題。所以在文中第一次提到溫州時，他就需要做一點詳細(xì)說明，即“Wenzhou， a prefecture-level coastal city in southeastern Zhejiang province famous for the vitality of its privately-owned small and medium-sized enterprises （SME）”。

3. 校園生活相關(guān)概念。對課代表、班長、團(tuán)委書記、用作稱呼或頭銜的“老師”（如王老師）等要做相關(guān)解釋，這些概念美國學(xué)校里都沒有。

實例講解

下面筆者對申請者寫的一篇短文（Essay）進(jìn)行分析，詳細(xì)講解如何對留學(xué)文書中涉及的中國特色元素進(jìn)行必要的“西化”，以及解決其他可能造成讀者誤解而需要修改的問題。該申請者學(xué)的是漢語語言學(xué)，申請去美國讀東亞語言文化碩士學(xué)位。由于版面有限，評析時暫忽略文書中的語言問題。

英文原稿和評析

I dream of being a teacher like my middle school Chinese teacher， Mr. Wang—a teacher can have a life-long influence on students； a teacher who is passionate about knowledge and who imparts this passion to the students. Many friends and fellow classmates of mine want to major in subjects that will lead to lucrative jobs， but I am obsessed with Chinese wenyanwen and classical literature， so I went to study Chinese Linguistics at Fudan University （FU）.

評析：在中國，“中學(xué)”既能指初中又能指高中，但在美國，初、高中各有相應(yīng)的表述，middle school指初中，high school指高中，兩者不能混為一談。Chinese teacher既可以表示“語文老師”，也可以是“中國老師”，需解釋清楚?！拔难晕摹敝苯佑闷匆舯硎緯屚鈬x者不知道指的是什么。

I met Professor Zhang at FU who taught me Chinese Phonology （音韻學(xué)）. Prof. Zhang is renowned for his pragmatic style of researching and strict style of teaching. For all his assignments I had to spend a lot of time looking into different references and books. My hard work was approved by his invitation to assist him in the collating of one of his books. Among his assistants I was the only undergraduate. Through this work I had the chance to learn my professors views on Classical Chinese phonology as well as some new theories. My knowledge was greatly enriched and my research scope broadened. Through this experience I learned to be more patient and conscientious in academics studies.

評析：段中描寫自己刻苦學(xué)習(xí)和自我表揚(yáng)的文字需要修改。招生官想看到的是苦讀讀出了什么成果，協(xié)助老師具體做了什么，學(xué)到的新理論有哪些，老師所著的書的價值是什么等。這些內(nèi)容在申請者的文書中均沒有體現(xiàn)。劃線部分都是泛泛而談，沒有實質(zhì)內(nèi)容。

In September， I organized the phonologist Mr. Wangs lectures into text （to be published）. Through this process I learned many theories that were very fresh to me and was deeply moved by Mr. Wangs passion for academic research. I also gained a profound interest in ancient Chinese phonetic sounds. Later on， I organized a seminar on the phonetic history of ancient Chinese. Through free discussion we determined the topic for each issues discussion， and after the seminar we also read a lot of articles and shared each others knowledge. Thus we benefited a great deal from the seminars.

評析：本段主要存在的問題是部分信息沒有交代清楚，比如September沒有給出具體年份，Mr. Wang未交代是誰，兩個organize的意思也不夠明確（第一個指編輯、復(fù)印、排版還是謄寫？第二個organize是指發(fā)起會議、主持會議還是預(yù)訂場地？）。

Then， I began to compose my undergraduate thesis under the strict supervision of Prof. XX. My thesis is titled “The Brief Evolutionary History of the Category Yue.” I had to check all the material in this aspect from the Pre-Qin period till the present. So I stayed in the library everyday and looked up nearly one hundred books. Little by little I became clear of the evolution of yue and arranged it in chronological order. My final thesis was over eighty thousand characters， after four revisions under Prof. XX， whose strict requirements had taught me a lot during this process.

評析：本段中同樣有很多信息沒有交代清楚，比如Pre-Qin period （先秦）具體指哪個歷史階段，the Category Yue （上古韻部“月”）指什么，論文解答了什么難題等。另外作者通過旁敲側(cè)擊（比如老師嚴(yán)厲、我整天泡在圖書館等）來暗示自己論文質(zhì)量高也不妥。因為中美文化不同，美國大學(xué)的招生官根本體會不到作者的良苦用心，相反，他們會覺得作者是因為論文缺乏實質(zhì)內(nèi)容才把一些無關(guān)緊要的細(xì)節(jié)拿來說事。

The guidance of a good teacher far surpasses the knowledge taught in class. I hope through this chance of studying abroad I will learn more profound theoretical knowledge and more developed ways of doing research， and thus I can become a good teacher whose passion for knowledge will pass on to the students so they can pursue knowledge.

評析：中國學(xué)生特別喜歡使用knowledge這個詞，但這個詞的意思非常空泛。像learn knowledge這樣的表達(dá)是錯誤的，因為learn已經(jīng)包含了知識這個概念，再加上knowledge就是畫蛇添足，正確表述為acquire knowledge。

改后例文和評析

通過評析，我們可以看出上面的文書主要存在兩方面問題：其一，塑造“苦讀”形象，無法引起外國讀者的共鳴；其二，對有中國特色的概念沒有給出必要的解釋，缺乏具體信息，描寫空泛。針對這些問題，我們做了相應(yīng)的修改。請看改后例文。

I consider myself somewhat artistically inclined. My interests range from musicals and dancing to photography and paintings. No matter how busy my schedule is， I always find time to go to a favorite show or start a new scrapbook album. However， these interests pale in comparison to my intense love of language. As a linguistics major， I see language， or rather the source of the power of language， both in its origin and in its current functioning， as directly related to human physiological， neurological， intellectual and cultural complexity. Language plays a central role in all aspects of human activity.

評析：本段關(guān)于申請者愛好廣泛的描寫使其擺脫了書呆子形象，并通過比較表達(dá)了他對學(xué)習(xí)語言的興趣。

Besides my native Chinese language and its classical form， called wenyanwen， or Literary Chinese used from about 3，000 years ago to the early 20th century， I have also studied English and Japanese. When I showed up for my first Japanese lesson， my Japanese teacher asked why Japanese. Most students in class said because a foreign language was a prerequisite （先決條件） for graduation or because they wanted to emigrate to Japan some day. When it was my turn， I had to think for a second. I knew I was not there because it was in partial fulfillment of my degree program or because I could land a good-paying job in a Japanese firm. I therefore told the class that I was there because I loved the sounds of the Japanese language； I loved to figure out how the Japanese， as a language isolate， could have been so accommodating to foreign influences from Chinese and English and many other languages and yet never have to worry about losing its own identity.

評析：鑒于作者申請的是東亞語言文化專業(yè)，我們在本段比較詳細(xì)地介紹了其對漢語和外語的興趣。

I grew up at a time when China was in a frenzy to modernize. It was all too familiar to hear rags-to-riches stories of people making small investments in the stock market or real estate business and striking gold almost overnight. So， when I applied and was accepted by the Chinese Linguistics program at Fudan University （FU）， the inevitable questions from many relatives and friends were—“Why not finance or economics？” or “Why not law or political science？” or simply “Why？！”

It was almost as if I had to feel guilty about going for an obscure and probably least salable （暢銷的） degree program in the job market. Not that I disliked money； not that I was uninterested in the political and legal affairs at home and abroad； I chose Chinese Linguistics because that was where my passion lay. Classical Chinese literature and poetry excite me the way archeological sites excite a historian. Of all the subject matters in my high school years， Chinese was my favorite. Mr. Wang， my Chinese teacher， introduced me to the world of ancient texts. These texts were made easy thanks to his tremendous insights in phonology， syntax， grammar and history. FUs Chinese Linguistics program is arguably the best in China. There， I delved deeper into the finer points of phonology， particularly the evolution of the category yue， a topic that became the focus of my graduation thesis. The objective of the study was to restore historical features and characteristics of yue as an independent section in ancient and modern-day Chinese phonology. I relied on my solid training in wenyanwen， vernacular and modern Chinese， a combined quantitative and qualitative methodology and my extensive readings on Chinese philosophy， history， literature， religion and Confucian classics to successfully complete what is， by all accounts， a voluminous thesis both in terms of length， 80，000 plus Chinese characters， and time span， covering more than 2，000 years worth of reference materials.

評析：上述兩段描寫申請者的學(xué)術(shù)和科研成就，突出了具體信息和細(xì)節(jié)，把“先秦”這個概念改為“兩千多年的時間跨度”，讓讀者一目了然。

Additionally， I did research on the controversial debates on the Chinese-Tibetan genealogical linguistic link. I am particularly proud of my contribution as a member of the editorial staff for Professor XXX in his “Han Tone—an Inheritance and Innovation of Chinese Phonology， ”considered by many in the Chinese linguistics circle as the most comprehensive study to date of historical Chinese dialects using zone-distinguishing approach and quantitative methods.

評析：對英文原文的兩個organize做了修改，使表述清晰明白。

Throughout history Chinese culture has had a great influence on neighboring East Asian languages. Korean and Japanese both have writing systems employing Chinese characters. Phonologically， the Chinese influence has been just as significant. But the influence has not always been one-way. Since Japans Meiji Restoration， China has found itself more at the receiving end of Japanese neologisms that used Chinese roots to translate European concepts， such as politics， chemistry， physics and science. Without such importation， modern Chinese language would be quite different and Chinas modernization itself would have been more difficult， if not impossible. The last couple of decades saw a dramatic surge of popularity of Korean culture in China， be it Korean music or soap operas. This phenomenon has been the subject of much discussion among researchers including linguists.

I am profoundly interested in the interconnectedness of China， Japan and Korea as well as their divergent paths in the development of their cultures and languages. All three have interacted with the Western world to reconstitute their own received cultures into modern societies， which， in turn have emerged as influential players on the world stage. The commonalities have not always produced good will and harmony. There have been conflicts and even wars， not to mention ongoing territorial disputes. If not managed well， hostilities can easily get out of control. Granted that politicians， diplomats， business people and scientists can all play an important role in resolving conflicts and fostering goodwill and neighborliness， but as an aspiring educator in Chinese and East Asian studies， I see myself as a cultural ambassador whose responsibility is to bring about people-to-people exchanges and cultural cross-fertilization. I am a strong believer in the power of our languages， mutually enriched by sharing and borrowing， to heal wounds， and to make peace.

評析：上述兩段說明東亞文化既存在共通之處，也存在矛盾和沖突，從而順利引出“我”希望利用自己的專業(yè)興趣和專長，使它們能互通有無、取長補(bǔ)短。