每當(dāng)春日來(lái)臨，你是否又要面對(duì)那不得不面對(duì)的問(wèn)題——減肥？別人苗條、纖細(xì)、骨感，你卻圓圓滾滾、滿(mǎn)身贅肉，你是否又想把自己狠狠餓上幾天？在不影響身體健康的前提下，追求健美的身材，無(wú)可厚非，但若因減肥導(dǎo)致健康受損，那真是得不償失。本文作者是一個(gè)已減肥十年的姑娘，她為何對(duì)節(jié)食深?lèi)和唇^？她究竟經(jīng)歷了怎樣的痛苦？讓我們一同來(lái)看。

每當(dāng)春日來(lái)臨，你是否又要面對(duì)那不得不面對(duì)的問(wèn)題—減肥？別人苗條、纖細(xì)、骨感，你卻圓圓滾滾、滿(mǎn)身贅肉，你是否又想把自己狠狠餓上幾天？在不影響身體健康的前提下，追求健美的身材，無(wú)可厚非，但若因減肥導(dǎo)致健康受損，那真是得不償失。本文作者是一個(gè)已減肥十年的姑娘，她為何對(duì)節(jié)食深?lèi)和唇^？她究竟經(jīng)歷了怎樣的痛苦？讓我們一同來(lái)看。

“Ive noticed youve gained a little weight，” Mom said as we sat in the car. I was 11 years old and my body was just beginning to hint at hips. She reached over， tugging on the new roll of stomach fat that was hiding under my t-shirt. “Getting a little pudgy1），” she teased.

Id been too busy feeling awkward that I was morphing into what adults called “busty2）” to specifically zero in on3） what my stomach had been up to—no good4）， as it turned out. I crossed my arms over my stomach， feeling the soft roll of skin and fat that was just above my jeans. I sat up a little straighter， hoping that would flatten things out5） a bit. I tried to suck it in.

Mom talked about how unnecessary weight gain can make parts of your body pudgy， flabby6）. “I guess I have noticed that my legs have gotten more jiggly7），” I said， looking down at my legs self-consciously.

“If you start dieting and exercising， you could get attractive， toned legs，” Mom said. She told me how a lot of adult women struggle with weight management， herself included. She hoped she could save me from the pain of yo-yo dieting8） as an adult by teaching me how to maintain my ideal weight while I was still young. If wed asked a doctor， they likely would have said dieting for an 11 year old was a health risk. But we didnt ask a doctor. My moms own body-image demons clouded her ability to determine what was truly best for my body.

After our conversation， Mom put me on a diet. She began monitoring what I ate. “Kelsey，” Mom said disapprovingly， “thats too much ranch dressing9）. You wont be able to lose weight if you eat your salad like that.” And she made sure I didnt have seconds10） after dinner.

“But Im still hungry，” I protested at first.

“Youre not really hungry，” Mom replied. She said Id stretched my stomach out through overeating， and it would eventually shrink back to its right size. In the meantime， I was going to be haunted by phantom11） hunger pangs.

The fake hunger felt awfully real， and it seemed to only get worse as more time went by. When I saw a celebrity on TV who had had her stomach stapled12）， I asked if it was something I could get. When I was told no， I decided that Id get it the moment I was an adult. Maybe if my stomach was surgically corrected Id finally feel full again.

When I lost weight， Mom celebrated. She encouraged me to pull out my flatter-stomach clothes that Id banished to the back of my closet. Id pull out my white form-fitting polo shirt and smile at my reflection. Mom would tell me how flattering13） the shirt was on me “now.” But then Id gain a few more pounds and the moment would be gone.

When I hit middle school I worried about my weight more than I worried about boys. I didnt understand that curves added weight—healthy weight. As my body began to shift into a curvier mold， I frantically tried to diet the weight that came with boobs and thighs away. I thought I was trying to manage my weight， but what I was trying to manage was puberty14）.

When I was diagnosed with asthma15） and given a daily inhaler16）， I didnt take it. My parents couldnt figure out why. I let them think I was an absentminded17） and irresponsible pre-teen. I was too embarrassed to tell them the truth： Being thin was more important than breathing. I didnt take my meds because I had heard steroids18） could cause weight gain. I knew this wasnt something other people would understand， so I kept it to myself.

How little I was eating became my biggest secret. And at some point my body and food anxiety crossed the line into abnormal anorexia19）. I started secretly skipping meals on a regular basis， cutting my food into tiny bites and then counting to twenty before swallowing so eating would take as long as possible. I tracked the most minor fluctuations in the numbers on the scale. Eating became more and more complex and anxiety-causing as I continually added self-induced restrictions to my already limited calorie intake. My obsessive eating-disorder20）-induced dieting sucked not only the calories but the joy out of life.

When I was in my early 20s I had a revelation about dieting after being very sick with the flu. Id dropped several sizes. When I stood in the dressing room I was shocked that Id lost so much weight. I had been pining21） after my dream size for years， and now I was smaller.

Id thought about dieting more than anything else for 10 years： This is what Id been living for. But the gratification from achieving a decade-long goal didnt last a second. My first thought after realizing the number on the tag： “Maybe I could go even smaller！” Maybe that would be it. Maybe then Id feel comfortable in my own body. Maybe then Id feel happy and beautiful and sexy. Maybe …

But then I came to the sad realization that the game was rigged22）. The elusive numbers Id been chasing—pants sizes， dress sizes， numbers on the bathroom scale—would always be replaced by a different， smaller number. When you have an eating disorder， you never reach your goal weight.

A new year is supposedly a time for fresh starts， but it always feels like the same old thing： Everyone is bombarded23） with fat-shaming and promises that well finally feel happy and whole24） in our bodies if only we buy the new latest and greatest dieting or fitness product. All of the magazine covers at the checkout stand will showcase new diets with claims that these are the magic tricks youve been looking for all these years. The local gyms will advertise specials， claiming “New Year， New You！” With all that diet talk， if Im not careful I could have a relapse25）， which is why celebrating how far Ive come in my eating disorder recovery is a necessary part of surviving January.

This year Im celebrating that I can now eat a bowl of potato chips without crying afterwards.

Im celebrating how last summer I wore a bikini for the very first time in my life， and I didnt go on a diet first.

Im celebrating that Ive gotten to the point26） in my recovery that Im able to work out without weight loss being the goal.

I lived on a diet for years. Dieting has controlled so much of my life. Its been the haunting， nagging， lying voice in my ear. This diet season， as others are setting New Years resolutions， Im celebrating recovery goals. Im celebrating that I learned how to eat again because life didnt finally start when I reached my goal weight. Life started when I finally told dieting to fuck off.

“我發(fā)覺(jué)你又長(zhǎng)胖了一點(diǎn)?！蔽覀冏谲?chē)上時(shí)媽媽這么說(shuō)。我當(dāng)時(shí)11歲，身上的胖剛剛開(kāi)始在臀部顯出來(lái)。她把手伸過(guò)來(lái)，捏了捏T恤下面我肚子上新長(zhǎng)出的那圈贅肉。“有點(diǎn)圓潤(rùn)了喲。”她取笑道。

我當(dāng)時(shí)的體型用大人的話(huà)說(shuō)已經(jīng)變得“豐滿(mǎn)”，我只顧著為此尷尬，根本顧不上特別關(guān)注我的肚子已經(jīng)胖到了什么程度─實(shí)際情況是，已經(jīng)很胖。我雙臂交叉，放到肚子上，能感覺(jué)到牛仔褲上方那圈軟軟的贅肉。我坐直了一些，希望借此能讓肚子變平一點(diǎn)。我還努力吸氣，想把肚子收進(jìn)去。

媽媽跟我說(shuō)過(guò)，不必要的增重如何讓身體某些部位變得胖而松弛?！拔蚁胛易⒁獾搅?，我腿上的贅肉都一顫一顫的?！蔽乙贿呎f(shuō)，一邊難為情地低下頭看著雙腿。

“如果你開(kāi)始節(jié)食和鍛煉，你的腿就會(huì)變得強(qiáng)健而迷人。”媽媽說(shuō)道。她告訴我許多成年女性，包括她自己在內(nèi)，都為了保持體重而奮力掙扎。她教我如何從小保持理想的體重，希望能借此使我免受長(zhǎng)大后不斷節(jié)食又反彈的痛苦。如果當(dāng)時(shí)我們咨詢(xún)醫(yī)生的話(huà)，他們可能會(huì)說(shuō)，對(duì)于一個(gè)11歲的孩子來(lái)說(shuō)，節(jié)食有害健康。但是我們沒(méi)有問(wèn)醫(yī)生。我媽媽自己執(zhí)著于體型的心魔蒙蔽了她的判斷力，使她無(wú)法斷定什么對(duì)我的身體才是真正最好的。

此次談話(huà)后，媽媽就讓我節(jié)食，并開(kāi)始監(jiān)督我的飲食?！皠P爾西，”媽媽反對(duì)道，“沙拉醬太多啦。如果像這樣吃沙拉，你是不可能瘦下來(lái)的?！彼龥Q不會(huì)讓我晚飯過(guò)后再加餐。

“但我還是餓啊?！逼鸪酰視?huì)抗議。

“你并不是真餓?！眿寢尨鸬馈Ｋf(shuō)我的胃因暴飲暴食給撐大了，但最終它會(huì)縮回到正常大小。與此同時(shí)，我會(huì)被精神性饑餓糾纏。

這種假性饑餓感覺(jué)相當(dāng)真實(shí)。隨著時(shí)間的推移，情況似乎只變得越來(lái)越嚴(yán)重。當(dāng)我在電視上看到一個(gè)名人做了縮胃手術(shù)時(shí)，我就問(wèn)我是否也能這樣做。當(dāng)被告知不能時(shí)，我決定一長(zhǎng)大成人就去做這個(gè)手術(shù)。如果我的胃用手術(shù)矯正一下的話(huà)，我或許最終會(huì)再次有飽腹感的。

我體重減輕時(shí)，媽媽歡呼雀躍。她鼓勵(lì)我把發(fā)落到衣柜最里面那些顯得小腹平坦的衣服拿出來(lái)。我會(huì)拿出白色的修身polo衫，沖著鏡子中的自己微笑。媽媽會(huì)告訴我，“此刻”這件襯衫穿在身上顯得我身材非常好。但之后我會(huì)再長(zhǎng)幾磅肉，那一刻將不復(fù)存在。

上中學(xué)的時(shí)候，與關(guān)注男生比起來(lái)，我更擔(dān)心的是我的體重。那時(shí)我不知道身材曲線(xiàn)會(huì)增加體重──健康的體重。由于我的身體變得更加曲線(xiàn)玲瓏，我就發(fā)瘋一樣地試圖通過(guò)節(jié)食把因胸部和大腿發(fā)育帶來(lái)的體重減去。我自以為是在努力控制體重，但是我努力控制的其實(shí)是我的青春期。

我被診斷出患了哮喘，每天都要用一次吸入器，但是我沒(méi)有用。我的父母不理解其中的原因。我讓他們覺(jué)得我是一個(gè)心不在焉、沒(méi)有責(zé)任感的孩子。但我實(shí)在不好意思告訴他們實(shí)情：保持苗條遠(yuǎn)比呼吸重要得多。我不服藥的原因是，我聽(tīng)說(shuō)類(lèi)固醇會(huì)導(dǎo)致體重增加。我知道這不是其他人能理解的，所以我對(duì)此只字不提。

我吃得有多么少成了我最大的秘密。終于有一天，我對(duì)身體和食物的焦慮超越正常界限，變成了厭食癥。我開(kāi)始經(jīng)常偷偷地不吃正餐，把食物切成一口一塊的小塊，嚼20下再咽下去，這樣進(jìn)食的時(shí)間就會(huì)盡可能長(zhǎng)一些。我記錄了體重秤上最細(xì)微的數(shù)據(jù)變化。我攝入的熱量本來(lái)已經(jīng)很有限，在此基礎(chǔ)上我又不斷增加新的限制，于是進(jìn)食變得越來(lái)越復(fù)雜，越來(lái)越令人焦慮。進(jìn)食障礙引發(fā)我過(guò)度節(jié)食，不僅減少了熱量攝入，也吞噬了我生活的樂(lè)趣。

20歲剛出頭的時(shí)候，我患了一場(chǎng)重感冒，這讓我認(rèn)識(shí)到節(jié)食的真相。我瘦了幾個(gè)尺碼。站在更衣室里，我非常震驚自己竟然減掉了那么多體重。這些年來(lái)，我一直在追求我的理想尺碼。而如今，我比這個(gè)尺碼還要瘦。

十年來(lái)，我對(duì)節(jié)食的關(guān)注超過(guò)其他任何事：這一直是我人生的意義。但是，實(shí)現(xiàn)一個(gè)追求了十年的目標(biāo)，得到的滿(mǎn)足感連一秒鐘都沒(méi)有持續(xù)。成功瘦到吊牌上的尺碼后，我的第一反應(yīng)是：“或許我還可以再瘦一些！”或許再瘦一點(diǎn)就到位了。或許那時(shí)我會(huì)對(duì)自己的身體感到自在?；蛟S那時(shí)我會(huì)覺(jué)得自己開(kāi)心、美麗、性感?；蛟S……

但之后我傷心地發(fā)現(xiàn)，這是場(chǎng)被人操縱的游戲。我一直在追求的那些難以達(dá)到的數(shù)字──褲子尺碼、連衣裙尺碼和浴室體重秤上的數(shù)字──永遠(yuǎn)會(huì)被另一個(gè)更小的數(shù)字所替代。如果你患了進(jìn)食障礙癥，你就永遠(yuǎn)達(dá)不到你的目標(biāo)體重。

新的一年應(yīng)該是萬(wàn)象更新的日子，但總是感覺(jué)一成不變：每個(gè)人都在被“肥胖可恥”的言論和各種承諾轟炸，這些承諾告訴我們，只要購(gòu)買(mǎi)最新最好的節(jié)食或健身產(chǎn)品，我們終將感到快樂(lè)健康。收銀臺(tái)那里所有的雜志封面都會(huì)展示各種各樣新的節(jié)食方法，聲稱(chēng)這些就是人們這么多年來(lái)一直在尋找的魔法。當(dāng)?shù)氐慕∩眇^會(huì)打出特別宣傳廣告：“新的一年，新的你！”所有這些都在談節(jié)食，一個(gè)不小心我就會(huì)重蹈覆轍，這也是我為何必須在死里逃生的1月份慶祝一下我在進(jìn)食障礙康復(fù)方面取得的成效。

今年，我要慶祝我現(xiàn)在能夠吃下一碗薯片而事后不哭了。

我要慶祝去年暑假我人生中第一次穿上了比基尼，而且我事先沒(méi)有節(jié)食。

我要慶祝我終于在康復(fù)過(guò)程中做到了這一點(diǎn)：能夠去鍛煉而不再以減肥作為目標(biāo)。

這么多年來(lái)，我一直在節(jié)食。節(jié)食已控制了我人生中如此多的歲月。它是在我耳邊一直回響的那個(gè)難以忘懷、揮之不去的謊言。這個(gè)節(jié)食季，當(dāng)其他人下定新年決心時(shí)，我慶祝自己完成了康復(fù)目標(biāo)。我要慶祝自己再次學(xué)會(huì)了怎么進(jìn)食，因?yàn)樵谖疫_(dá)到目標(biāo)體重后，生活并未真的開(kāi)始。生活開(kāi)始于我最終告訴節(jié)食：滾蛋吧！

1. pudgy [?p?d?i] adj. 矮胖的，圓胖的

2. busty [?b?sti] adj. （女子）胸部豐滿(mǎn)的

3. zero in on：向……集中注意力

4. no good：糟糕，沒(méi)用

1. pudgy [?p?d?i] adj. 矮胖的，圓胖的

2. busty [?b?sti] adj. （女子）胸部豐滿(mǎn)的

3. zero in on：向……集中注意力

4. no good：糟糕，沒(méi)用

5. flatten out：使變平

6. flabby [?fl?bi] adj. 松弛的；肥胖的

7. jiggly [&apos；d??ɡli] adj. 抖動(dòng)的；急顫的；搖晃的

8. yo-yo dieting：“溜溜球”瘦身，指減肥者采用過(guò)度節(jié)食的方法而導(dǎo)致身體出現(xiàn)迅速減重又迅速反彈的情況。

9. ranch dressing：牧場(chǎng)調(diào)料，是一種沙拉醬。

10. seconds：[復(fù)]添菜；再來(lái)的一份食物

11. phantom [?f?nt?m] adj. 幻覺(jué)的；虛假的

12. 此處指一種用于減肥的縮胃手術(shù)。

13. flattering [?fl?t（?）r??] adj. 使人顯得更漂亮的

14. puberty [?pju?b?（r）ti] n. 青春期

15. asthma [??sm?] n. 氣喘，哮喘

16. inhaler [?n?he?l?（r）] n. （用于吸入特定藥品的）吸入器

17. absentminded [??bs?nt?ma?nd?d] adj. 心不在焉的；茫然的

18. steroid [?st??r??d] n. [生]類(lèi)固醇

19. anorexia [??n??reksi?] n. （尤指女性由于害怕變胖而拒絕適當(dāng)進(jìn)食所引起的）厭食（癥）；食欲缺乏

20. eating disorder：進(jìn)食障礙，是以進(jìn)食行為異常為顯著特征的一組綜合征。這組疾病主要包括神經(jīng)性厭食癥和神經(jīng)性貪食癥。

21. pining [&apos；pa?n??] adj. 渴望的；苦思的

New Oriental English .

. New Oriental English

22. rig [riɡ] vt. （采取不正當(dāng)手段的）操縱

23. bombard [b?m?bɑ?（r）d] vt. 連珠炮似的提問(wèn)；不斷批評(píng)

24. whole [h??l] adj. 健康的，健壯的

25. relapse [r??l?ps] n. （病好轉(zhuǎn)后）復(fù)發(fā)；故態(tài)復(fù)萌；重新墮落

26. get to the point：抓住重點(diǎn)；進(jìn)入正題