研習(xí)雅思范文策略（三）

文/唐老雅

在前兩期，老雅闡述了我們應(yīng)該選擇適合自己水平的范文來研習(xí)，以及研習(xí)中應(yīng)該注重思維邏輯和語言表達(dá)兩個(gè)方面。本期老雅將再用一個(gè)實(shí)際例子，即老雅為2016年9月15日雅思考試真題創(chuàng)作的范文，給各位烤鴨實(shí)際展示一下，到底應(yīng)該如何研習(xí)雅思范文。

題目

More and more people buy and use their own car. Do you think the advantages of this trend for individuals outweigh its disadvantages for environment?

老雅范文及研習(xí)提示

第1段Just 50 years ago, to own a car was quite a luxury, but today, cars have found their way into many households. Statistics show in China alone, there are over 140 million cars running on road every day. While cars have brought conveniences to their users, they have imposed great pressure on the environment.

研習(xí)提示：本段是開頭段。研習(xí)開頭段的重點(diǎn)是看它如何引出話題，并對(duì)題目進(jìn)行重述，以及如何表達(dá)自己的總體觀點(diǎn)。引出話題的方法很多，但不少烤鴨喜歡使用模板開頭法，比如，“with the development of the society...”或者“when it comes to the issue of...”等，這些模板的確是萬能的，幾乎適合任何話題，但恰恰因?yàn)槠淙f能性，它也就失去了個(gè)性化，讓作文開頭千篇一律，沒有任何特色。老雅建議：根據(jù)題目的實(shí)際內(nèi)容，可以考慮在引出話題的時(shí)候?qū)⑵渚唧w化。也就是說，不要簡單粗暴地提出一個(gè)話題，而是對(duì)這個(gè)話題進(jìn)行適當(dāng)具體說明。在本例中，題目的原話是：More and more people buy and use their own car. 我們當(dāng)然可以這樣開頭：With the development of economy,now many people can afford to buy and use their own car. 但這種開頭顯得過于一般，不容易打動(dòng)考官。如果我們把題目中“越來越多的人購買和使用自己的汽車”具體化，我們可能就會(huì)問：大約是什么時(shí)候越來越多的人購買汽車？到底有多少人購買汽車？這樣，我們就可以在這個(gè)開頭中提供更多與討論相關(guān)的細(xì)節(jié)了。請(qǐng)烤鴨記住：在作文中提供相關(guān)具體細(xì)節(jié)越多，作文的水平就越高。老雅的范文是這樣開頭的：Just 50 years ago, to own a car was quite a luxury, but today, cars have found their way into many households. 這就是引入了購買汽車的話題，然后接下去再補(bǔ)充細(xì)節(jié)：Statistics show in China alone, there are over 140 million cars running on road every day. 這個(gè)細(xì)節(jié)就比較具體生動(dòng)地改寫題目中“越來越多的人購買和使用自己的汽車”這句話了。

各位烤鴨可以馬上來練習(xí)一下，看以下兩題雅思作文應(yīng)該如何開頭。

1. City dwellers seldom socialize with their neighbors today and the sense of community has been lost. Why has this happened and how to solve this problem?（2016年9月24日真題）

2. The government should control the amount of violence in films and on television in order to decrease the level of violent crime in society. To what extent do you agree or disagree?（2017年5月20日真題）

然后，請(qǐng)各位將自己寫的與老雅范文來比較一下。

1. Now we have numerous newspaper reports about a child being robbed without anybody offering to help him or a ninety-year-old poor woman dead at home for days without anybody knowing it. All these reports point to one key problem that face dwellers in cities, especially big cities: they seldom interact with their neighbors, much less to say they care about their neighbors and they feel lonely because they do not feel they belong to any community.

2. There seems to be more and more violence in films and on TV these days such as beating, murdering, gun fighting, blood shedding, among others. As I see it, the excessive exposure to these violent scenes will greatly affect the theatergoers and TV viewers, thus increasing the likelihood of their committing the same violent crimes in real life, so I would strongly suggest that the amount of violence in films and TV be controlled in order to decrease the crime rate in society.

第2段Modern city life has made the car an indispensable means of transport. Though most cities today have fairly advanced transportation systems like the bus and metro, they tend to be extremely crowded, especially in rush hours. This means you might come to your office late or miss some important appointments. If you drive your own car, these problems may well be avoided.At the same time, when you plan to take your family for a trip out of town, you may also enjoy the flexibility of when to start off and when to return, rather than spending time waiting for the bus to arrive.

研習(xí)提示：本段討論使用自己的汽車可能帶來的好處，分兩個(gè)方面討論：一是自己開車可以避免上班遲到或錯(cuò)過重要約會(huì)，二是自己開車和家人外出時(shí)也更方便。那么如何才能清晰地論證這兩層意思呢？請(qǐng)各位烤鴨先看本段的結(jié)構(gòu)：第一句從總體上提煉“現(xiàn)代城市生活使得汽車成為一種不可或缺的交通手段”，接下來先講一個(gè)方面，然后用at the same time引出另外一個(gè)方面，這樣的結(jié)構(gòu)可從整體上確保邏輯連貫。然后，我們?cè)偕钊肟蠢涎艑?duì)第一層意思的論述：“雖然多數(shù)城市都有很發(fā)達(dá)的公交和地鐵系統(tǒng)，但它們非常擁擠，尤其是在高峰擁堵時(shí)刻。這就意味著你可能上班遲到或者錯(cuò)過重要約會(huì)。如果你開自己的車，這些問題就可以避免?！边@三句話環(huán)環(huán)相扣，自然接續(xù)。第二層論述則從自己開車可以靈活安排出發(fā)時(shí)間和回家時(shí)間，不必浪費(fèi)時(shí)間等車來論證。

語言方面，烤鴨們可以重點(diǎn)看看這些詞匯：indispensable（不可或缺的）、advanced（高級(jí)的）、appointment（約會(huì)）、flexibility（靈活性）、start off（出發(fā)）。從句子長度安排來看，本段共5個(gè)句子，分別為短句—長句—短句—短句—長句，顯得錯(cuò)落有致。在論證第二層意思時(shí)，老雅使用了一個(gè)長句，其原因是之前的兩個(gè)句子都屬于短句，這里寫一個(gè)長句可以起到改變行文節(jié)奏的作用。但若仔細(xì)看，這個(gè)長句的結(jié)構(gòu)其實(shí)一點(diǎn)也不復(fù)雜：when you...，you may also enjoy...，rather than...。大家平時(shí)在段落寫作中，也可以有意識(shí)地練習(xí)混合長短句來表達(dá)思想。

第3段However, the increased use of cars has caused serious consequences for our environment. Many experts, for instance, attribute the worsening air quality in big cities to the cars’ exhaust gas emission and the dust that rises after them. This accusation is perhaps well-grounded if you make a little comparison between the air quality 50 years ago and that now. In addition to the waste gas and dust, cars also make unbearable noises, which is a headache to all city dwellers. Just imagine a time you are shocked awake from your cozy dream by the sharp braking screech of a car passing by your house!

研習(xí)提示：本段論證私家車的增多給環(huán)境帶來的壓力，還是從兩個(gè)方面來展開論述：一是汽車尾氣帶來的空氣污染，二是汽車噪音給城市居民帶來的困擾。本段從一個(gè)統(tǒng)領(lǐng)的主題句the increased use of cars has caused serious consequences for our environment開始，然后討論空氣污染問題（共2句），最后討論噪音問題（共2句）。這樣，本段共5句話，結(jié)構(gòu)非常均衡。其中，在討論噪音問題時(shí)，使用了一個(gè)想象的情境（“想象一下，某次一輛汽車從你屋前經(jīng)過，刺耳的剎車聲把你從美夢(mèng)中驚醒！”），讓整篇論文擺脫了枯燥無味的說理，有相當(dāng)濃厚的個(gè)性化特色。這種論述方法被稱為“以情動(dòng)人”，很多時(shí)候可以作為“以理服人”的補(bǔ)充。在雅思作文中，如果交替使用“道理”和“感情”，文章就會(huì)顯得更加靈活生動(dòng)。

語言方面，烤鴨們可重點(diǎn)學(xué)習(xí)：consequence（后果）、attribute... to...（把……歸咎于……）、worsening（不斷惡化的）、accusation（指責(zé)，指控）、well-grounded（有根據(jù)的）等。在“Many experts attribute the worsening air quality in big cities to the cars’ exhaust gas emission and the dust that rises after them.”一句中，如果不用“attribute... to...”或相似的結(jié)構(gòu)，我們可能會(huì)這樣寫：Now, the air quality in big cities is becoming worse and worse. Many experts believe this is because of the exhaust gas the cars emit and the dust that rises after them. 這樣寫當(dāng)然也是不錯(cuò)的，但從句型緊湊的角度就做得不夠。烤鴨們可以經(jīng)常做做這樣的思維練習(xí)，即：如果不用范文中的某個(gè)句子結(jié)構(gòu)，我怎樣寫才能表達(dá)出范文中的意思？

第4段 In my view, it is unrealistic for the government to put a ban on the car ownership or use since the cars have been so important in our daily life, yet we cannot overlook the negative effects they have on the environment. To get out of this dilemma, to my mind, there are two options, the first being to develop car technology and produce cars that burn less fuel and the second, encourage the car owners to use public transportation whenever possible.

研習(xí)提示：本段表達(dá)自己的觀點(diǎn)。對(duì)于這類雙邊討論的話題，結(jié)尾段一定要鮮明地提出自己的觀點(diǎn)。本范文是這樣構(gòu)思的：政府出面來限制私人汽車的購買和使用是不現(xiàn)實(shí)的，但私家車的負(fù)面后果又不可忽視，那怎么辦呢？有兩個(gè)辦法，一是開發(fā)新的汽車技術(shù)，少用燃料，二是鼓勵(lì)私人多使用公共交通。

語言方面，烤鴨可關(guān)注這些詞匯：unrealistic（不現(xiàn)實(shí)的）、put a ban on...（限制……）、overlook（忽視）、dilemma（困境）、option（選擇）等。

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在To get out of this dilemma, to my mind, there are two options, the first being to develop car technology...一句中，注意being的正確形式，這里使用的是獨(dú)立主格結(jié)構(gòu)，being不能替換為is。這個(gè)結(jié)構(gòu)很多同學(xué)難以掌握，可以改寫如下，以確保正確性：To get out of this dilemma, to my mind, there are two options. The first is to develop car technology..., and the second is to encourage... . □