陳光偉

筆者在指導(dǎo)學(xué)生進(jìn)行讀后續(xù)寫時(shí)，通常要求學(xué)生按照“讀全文——找伏筆——巧構(gòu)思——定錨點(diǎn)——精打磨”五個(gè)步驟進(jìn)行思路的梳理和寫作。以下通過一份例題分析，介紹這五個(gè)步驟的具體操作。

[題目呈現(xiàn)]

閱讀下面材料，根據(jù)其內(nèi)容和所給段落開頭語續(xù)寫兩段，使之構(gòu)成一篇完整的短文。

My presentation was horrible. I lost the client（客戶）. My boss wouldn’t look me in the eye and the rest of my day was spent in relative silence——I was left alone， in reality. Finally， I left my air-conditioned office and of course， outside it was hot as hell（地獄）. I was hot literally and figuratively as three buses passed， too full to stop and then the one that did stop should have kept going because the air conditioning wasn’t working.

I boarded the bus but was unable to stand it， so I squeezed my way off at the next stop. I would just walk the mile and a half to home. I annoyed further， as I continued my journey. I refused to take off my jacket， purposely， maximizing my frustration（沮喪）——“when it rains， let it pour”was my philosophy（態(tài)度）.

A block from my building， I heard the water splashing（濺） and kids screaming（尖聲叫）so I knew the fire hydrant（消防栓）had been turned on. Without even thinking about taking an alternate route， I turned the corner， sure enough， there was a group of children playing water. They were politely on the lookout to stop the water from spraying on any passer-by， so when they saw me they stopped the water and when they saw my mean look， they even got quiet. The younger ones in bathing suit， the girls wearing shower caps and the boys with water guns all stared at me as I started to pass by.

Then I noticed a little one， no older than five， holding a water gun down by his side， eyeing me a little harder than the others. I eyed him back. Then his brother， who I had seen around the neighborhood， nodded at him like he was saying，“I dare you.” My eyes tightened a little further as I communicated my own“I dare you”to the five-year-old. Then his eyes moved， planning his escape route through the alley， and in that split second I knew I was going to get soaked.

注意：

1. 所續(xù)寫短文的詞數(shù)應(yīng)為150左右;

2. 續(xù)寫部分分為兩段， 每段的開頭語已為你寫好。

And he got me， behind my ear， before he ran towards his exit.

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I couldn’t remember my last fight._____________________

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[步驟詳解]

步驟一，讀全文，構(gòu)思續(xù)寫框架

我們在讀完全篇和給出的段首句之后，可以對文章進(jìn)行總結(jié)和合理預(yù)測：作者從文章開始因丟掉客戶受到老板的冷眼心情沮喪，到回家途中酷熱天氣下擠車的不順，路上偶遇小孩水戰(zhàn)。文章最后一句表示一場大戰(zhàn)一觸即發(fā)。

根據(jù)“正向結(jié)局”的思路，我們可以預(yù)測后文應(yīng)該是作者通過和孩子們的水戰(zhàn)“沖突”帶來的舒爽，情緒從down到up，由郁悶沮喪到輕松愉快。

再根據(jù)所給的兩句段首句可知，第一段應(yīng)該是水戰(zhàn)的具體描寫，第二段應(yīng)該是水戰(zhàn)結(jié)束后作者的反思：他認(rèn)識(shí)到生活中盡管會(huì)有不如意，但是快樂也是無處不在的，于是調(diào)整好自己的心情，決定重新出發(fā)，信心滿滿面對生活，迎接新的挑戰(zhàn)。

構(gòu)思的時(shí)候一定要讀懂給出的兩個(gè)段首句。And he got me， behind my ear， before he ran toward his exit. 由he got me可知，小孩已經(jīng)射中我了。如果我們接下來再寫小孩如何瞄準(zhǔn)我和扣扳機(jī)，那就重復(fù)了。before he ran toward his exit說明小孩跑了。I couldn't remember my last water fight. 既然都不記得了，如果還寫自己小時(shí)候打水仗的回憶就是自相矛盾。第二段應(yīng)主要描寫作者打水仗后的感受和感悟。

步驟二，找伏筆，以增加契合度

我們應(yīng)該在所給材料中劃出一些伏筆，以便在續(xù)寫中重現(xiàn)，讓續(xù)寫和原文看起來契合度更高。如，my jacket， my “when it rain let it pour”philosophy， fire hydrant， water gun， alley， five-year-old， his brother等。

另外，我們還可以通過觀察語篇的優(yōu)質(zhì)表達(dá)感受其語言風(fēng)格，選詞方面盡量與其接近。如：squeeze my way off， water splash， bathing suit/shower cap， get soaked等。

步驟三，巧構(gòu)思，想好續(xù)寫內(nèi)容

我們在構(gòu)思時(shí)先想好每段大概可以寫幾個(gè)點(diǎn)，分幾句話寫。因行數(shù)所限，每段5個(gè)點(diǎn)就差不多了，每個(gè)點(diǎn)1～2句話，當(dāng)然還要看你寫的是長句還是短句。如：

第一段：And he got me， behind my ear， before he ran toward his exit. ①我的情緒（驚訝/不耐煩/憤怒？）——②奮起反擊（追，拿到水槍）——③其他小孩join——④情緒變好——⑤給水仗寫個(gè)結(jié)尾句（渾身濕透但開心）

第二段：I couldn’t remember my last water fight.①但這次不一樣，印象深刻——②生活中的浮躁vs冷靜——③心態(tài)要調(diào)整，發(fā)現(xiàn)生活的小美好——④thanks to the kids——⑤總結(jié)/升華

經(jīng)過這輪的構(gòu)思，相信就能緊扣主線，不會(huì)有某個(gè)點(diǎn)一發(fā)不可收拾而與主題相關(guān)性大的細(xì)節(jié)反倒描寫不夠的問題。而且基本不會(huì)超行，保證卷面相對美觀。

步驟四，定錨點(diǎn)，寫好關(guān)鍵位置句

關(guān)鍵位置句是指以下四個(gè)句子：

第一段所給首句后的句子，該段最后一個(gè)句子;

第二段所給首句后的句子，全文最后一個(gè)句子。

這些句子在文中占重要位置，對全文起到起承轉(zhuǎn)合的作用。這些句子限制了故事的發(fā)展思路和結(jié)局，寫好了能夠體現(xiàn)我們的審題以及把握原文細(xì)節(jié)的能力，體現(xiàn)我們對語篇結(jié)構(gòu)的把控能力，給閱卷老師留下良好印象。寫作前，可在草稿紙上寫下故事重要情節(jié)的單詞或詞組，簡單起草文章發(fā)展脈絡(luò)。如想降低難度，也可以使用一兩句中文簡單概括續(xù)寫段落的大意，然后朝該思路用英語續(xù)寫故事。

全文最后一個(gè)句子可以適當(dāng)對全文進(jìn)行總結(jié)或提升，讓閱卷老師覺得文章完整且有深度，讀完回味無窮。如2021八省聯(lián)考題目，陌生人幫助修車后，還偷偷返還作者給的報(bào)酬。這個(gè)故事是“助人”主題，結(jié)尾便可融入陌生家庭不計(jì)回報(bào)的幫助給作者所帶來的沖擊或者感慨，并將其向人生思考、傳遞善良等角度升華。優(yōu)秀結(jié)尾如下：

Even small acts of kindness can make a big difference. 即使是小小的善舉也能帶來很大的不同。

The memory of this unexpected encounter will never fade from my mind. 關(guān)于這次意外相遇的記憶永遠(yuǎn)不會(huì)從我的腦海中消失。

Even today， I still regard this experience as treasured memory. 直到今天，我仍然把這段經(jīng)歷當(dāng)作珍貴的回憶。

It was at that moment that I realized such acts of kindness are opportunities to know how good it feels to be kind and helpful. 就在那一刻，我意識(shí)到這樣的善舉是一個(gè)機(jī)會(huì)，讓我知道善良和樂于助人的感覺有多好。

The family made me really moved， and I finally understood it is kindness and help that make the world go around. 這個(gè)家庭讓我很感動(dòng)，我終于明白，是善良和幫助讓世界運(yùn)轉(zhuǎn)。

Since then I’ve decided to help others more， as kindness is one thing that really deserves to be passed on from one to another. 從那時(shí)起，我決定多幫助別人，因?yàn)樯屏际且患嬲龖?yīng)該傳遞的東西。

步驟五，精打磨，確保作品質(zhì)量

續(xù)寫中，在保證語言通暢的前提下，應(yīng)盡量多使用各類從句、非謂語動(dòng)詞、倒裝句、強(qiáng)調(diào)句等。另外，恰當(dāng)運(yùn)用心理描寫、環(huán)境描寫，以及描述性的動(dòng)作詞匯，來描寫細(xì)節(jié)、烘托氣氛，使文章充滿真情實(shí)感和可讀性。注意不要過多使用對話描寫，對話最多不要超過兩個(gè)話輪。最后，我們還要檢查全文的故事情節(jié)是否完整，所續(xù)寫內(nèi)容是否符合邏輯，與原文和所給段首提示語是否連貫，語法結(jié)構(gòu)、句型結(jié)構(gòu)是否使用準(zhǔn)確，所續(xù)寫內(nèi)容的詞數(shù)是否達(dá)標(biāo)，標(biāo)點(diǎn)符號的使用、單詞拼寫與字母大小寫等等。

按照這五個(gè)步驟，我們基本就能續(xù)寫出情節(jié)連貫且與原文風(fēng)格類似的作品。請看作文范例以及學(xué)生優(yōu)秀作文。

[作文范例]

And he got me， behind my ear before he ran towards the exit. Hardly could I believe that I should be bullied by a 5-year-old boy！Thinking of all that had happened that day — my loss of an important client， my cold reception from my boss， my failure to board an air-conditioned bus， I could no longer contain my anger. Swiftly I grabbed a water gun from one little devil and shot at him. Then all the other children joined in. A fierce water battle started. It was quite thrilling and was like rain pouring down. By and by the water battle became a refreshing game on such a hot day to us. I got soaked but laughed as I’d never laughed before.

I couldn’t remember my last water fight. But the one that happened today would decidedly remain deeply rooted in my memory. After the fight， all the frustration and depression that had been building up inside me came to a complete stop. I became aware that although life may not go as we expect， there is never a shortage of fun and excitement in this world. And I would be confident and brave， ready to face any challenge. I would embrace life with all my might.

[學(xué)生習(xí)作]

And he got me， behind my ear before he ran towards the exit. My mind filled with anger， I could hardly contain myself and rushed to get back at him. However， seeing the innocent eyes and teen spirit behind them， I recalled my philosophy and thus an alternative was revealed.“When it rains， let it pour”， whispering the words to myself， I turned to the fire hydrant and swiftly turned it back on. Hearing the water splashing out， the frightened kids knew what to do and all the water guns were pointed to the new player， me. As I screamed and got wet together with the kids， I could not only feel the heat disappearing， but also my frustration. My horrible presentation， my losing the client doesn’t matter anymore as I spent a wonderful time with the kids.

I couldn’t remember my last water fight. Living in the modern society， we are often encountered with unprecedented level of stress in the workplaces. Overwhelmed by frustrations and setbacks， we tend to ignore the predicaments that most of us are deprived of the chance to cool ourselves down. When my jacket was getting heavier because of the water， I could feel a part of me， filled with tension and stress， was cleansed. Rather than blaming the kids for making my ear wet， I wanted to thank them for teaching me such a lesson -- we are all engines working tirelessly on the planet but sometimes we need to cool down， both the surface and the core， to run greater miles.