劉陽(yáng)

New Bicycle新自行車

Johnny was one of those holy terrors. You know, the kind of child that is into everything, cant keep still, drives you crazy. His father was surprised when Johnnys mother suggested that they buy him a bicycle for his birthday.

“Do you really believe thatll help improve his behavior?” the father asked.

“Well, no,” the mom admitted, “But it will spread it over a wider area.”

約翰尼是個(gè)淘氣的孩子，你知道的，那種對(duì)任何事情都感興趣，完全靜不下來(lái)的孩子，簡(jiǎn)直能把人逼瘋。當(dāng)他的媽媽建議在他過(guò)生日時(shí)送他一輛自行車時(shí)，他的爸爸感到很驚訝。

“難道你認(rèn)為自行車能讓他老實(shí)一點(diǎn)嗎？”爸爸問(wèn)道。

“哦，那倒不能，”媽媽說(shuō)，“但是它能讓約翰尼到遠(yuǎn)一點(diǎn)的地方去搗亂。”

Im George我才是喬治

A man in a supermarket was pushing a cart which contained, among other things, a screaming baby. As the man proceeded along the aisles, he kept repeating softly, “Keep calm, George. Dont get excited, George. Dont yell, George.”

A lady watched with admiration and then said, “You are certainly to be commended for your patience in trying to quiet little George.”

“Lady,” he declared, “IM George!”

在超市里，一名男子推著購(gòu)物推車，里面裝著一些商品，還有一個(gè)哭鬧不停的嬰兒。男子在過(guò)道上一邊走一邊不停地輕輕說(shuō)著：“冷靜點(diǎn)，喬治，別激動(dòng)，喬治，不要叫，喬治?！?/p>

一名女子用贊賞的目光看著他，說(shuō)道：“你如此耐心地試圖讓小喬治安靜下來(lái)，實(shí)在值得稱贊！”

“女士，”這名男子說(shuō)，“我才是喬治！”

Bus Fare車費(fèi)

Before boarding a bus, a man asked the driver, “What is the fare to the train station?”

“Sixty cents,” said the driver.

The man raced alongside the bus until the next stop and then gasped,

“What is the fare now?”

“Ninety cents,” said the driver. “Youre running the wrong way.”

一名男子在上公交車前問(wèn)司機(jī)：“請(qǐng)問(wèn)去火車站要多少車費(fèi)？”

“60美分，”司機(jī)說(shuō)道。

這名男子便一路跟著公交車跑，一直跑到下一個(gè)車站，氣喘吁吁地問(wèn)道，

“那從這里算起要多少車費(fèi)呢？”

“90美分，”司機(jī)說(shuō)道，“因?yàn)槟闩艿氖欠捶较??！?/p>

Space Travel太空旅行

Betty said, “I want to do some space traveling.”

“Oh Yeah, where are you going”, said Max.

“To the sun,” said Betty. “No one has ever been there before.”

“But you will burn up before you get there,” said Max.

“I thought about that,” said Blondie. “So Im going at night.”

貝蒂說(shuō)：“我想要太空旅行?！?/p>

“那你想去哪里呢？”麥克斯說(shuō)道。

“去太陽(yáng)上面，”貝蒂說(shuō)，“因?yàn)閺膩?lái)沒(méi)有人去過(guò)那里。”

“但是你在到達(dá)太陽(yáng)之前就會(huì)被燒成灰燼的?！丙溈怂拐f(shuō)。

“我想過(guò)這個(gè)問(wèn)題，”貝蒂說(shuō)，“所以我準(zhǔn)備晚上去?！?/p>

Long Happy Life長(zhǎng)壽

A woman saw a little old man rocking in a chair on his porch.

“I couldt help noticing how happy you look,” she said. “Whats your secret for a long happy life?”

“I smoke three packs of cigarettes a day,” he said. “I also drink a case of whiskey a week, eat fatty foods, and never exercise.”

“Thats amazing,” the woman said. “How old are you?”

“Twenty-six,” he said.

一名女子看見(jiàn)一個(gè)坐在門(mén)廊邊的椅子上搖搖晃晃的小老頭，于是問(wèn)道：

“我留意到您那無(wú)比快樂(lè)的神情，”她說(shuō)，“所以想問(wèn)問(wèn)您快樂(lè)和長(zhǎng)壽的秘訣是什么？”

他說(shuō)：“我每天抽三包煙，每星期喝一箱威士忌，我還愛(ài)吃油膩的食物，而且從來(lái)不鍛煉身體?！?/p>

“這太讓人驚訝了！”女子說(shuō)道，“那您今年高壽？”

“我二十六歲?！?/p>

Perfect Mate理想伴侶

At a coffee bar, a young woman was expounding on her idea of the perfect mate to some of her friends.

“The man I marry must be a shining light among company. He must be musical. Tell jokes. Sing. Entertain. And stay home at night!”

An old granny overheard and spoke up, “Girl, if thats all you want, get a TV!”

在一家咖啡館里，一名年輕的女子正在向朋友們描述她心目中的理想伴侶。

“和我結(jié)婚的男人一定要出眾得閃閃發(fā)光，一定要有音樂(lè)細(xì)胞，會(huì)講笑話，會(huì)唱歌，能娛樂(lè)他人。而且晚上能呆在家不出門(mén)?！?/p>

一位老婦女無(wú)意中聽(tīng)到后說(shuō)：“姑娘，如果那些就是你想要的，那就嫁給電視吧?！?/p>