何建軍

根據(jù)《普通高等學(xué)校招生全國(guó)統(tǒng)一考試英語(yǔ)課考試說(shuō)明》精神，自2016年10月起，包括浙江省在內(nèi)的高考綜合改革試驗(yàn)省份，都采用了新題型。其中，寫(xiě)作部分進(jìn)行了較大的改革。寫(xiě)作由兩部分組成，其中第一節(jié)為應(yīng)用文寫(xiě)作，要求考生根據(jù)所給情景，寫(xiě)一篇80詞左右的短文。所給情景包括目的、對(duì)象、時(shí)間、地點(diǎn)、內(nèi)容等；根據(jù)情景的方式有提綱、圖畫(huà)、圖標(biāo)等。

應(yīng)用文是人們?cè)谏?、學(xué)習(xí)、工作中為處理實(shí)際事物而寫(xiě)作，且往往形成慣用格式的文章。因此，它具有實(shí)用性強(qiáng)、真實(shí)性強(qiáng)、針對(duì)性強(qiáng)、時(shí)效性強(qiáng)、格式化比較固定等特點(diǎn)。有不少體式是社會(huì)長(zhǎng)期約定俗成的，如書(shū)信就可以分為感謝信、邀請(qǐng)信、建議信、申請(qǐng)信、自薦信、 祝賀信、推薦信、 致歉信等；也有一些體式由國(guó)家統(tǒng)一規(guī)定，如公文。不論體式如何，都是為了提高辦事效率，更好地發(fā)揮它的工具作用。有了這些宗旨，應(yīng)用文的語(yǔ)言風(fēng)格必須做到恰當(dāng)準(zhǔn)確、簡(jiǎn)潔規(guī)范、樸實(shí)得體。

題型分析

書(shū)信是應(yīng)用文寫(xiě)作最重要的形式之一，該文體強(qiáng)調(diào)語(yǔ)言在生活、工作中的應(yīng)用。寫(xiě)作的要求是：內(nèi)容充實(shí)，要點(diǎn)全面；語(yǔ)言基本無(wú)誤；行文連貫，表達(dá)清楚；語(yǔ)法規(guī)則和句式結(jié)構(gòu)運(yùn)用得靈活恰當(dāng)；卷面表達(dá)正確，文字流暢，用詞用句實(shí)實(shí)在在，樸實(shí)無(wú)華，清晰流暢；具有注重段落連貫、表現(xiàn)短文主旨的交際能力；做到緊扣主題，重點(diǎn)突出，條理清晰；正確拼寫(xiě)單詞和恰當(dāng)選擇詞匯。

[ 題目要求]

參照2016年10月的高考英語(yǔ)卷，我們?cè)O(shè)計(jì)了如下寫(xiě)作練習(xí)。

假定你是李華，你的朋友Paul邀請(qǐng)你下個(gè)星期天去他們學(xué)校參加文化交流活動(dòng)并介紹中國(guó)傳統(tǒng)音樂(lè)，但是你的爺爺生病住院，不得不謝絕他的邀請(qǐng)。請(qǐng)根據(jù)下面的要點(diǎn)給Paul用英語(yǔ)寫(xiě)一封詞數(shù)為100左右的回信。

要點(diǎn)如下：

1.謝絕Paul 的邀請(qǐng)并說(shuō)明你的理由；

2.推薦你的同學(xué)Anna參加。

注意：

1.可以適當(dāng)增加細(xì)節(jié)，以使行文連貫；

2.信的開(kāi)頭和結(jié)尾已寫(xiě)好，但不計(jì)入總詞數(shù)。

Dear Paul，

Thank you very much for your invitation.____________________________

__________________________________________________________________

__________________________________________________________________

__________________

Sorry again for any inconvenience and hope you can succeed in holding the activity.

Yours，

Li Hua

[試題要點(diǎn)分析]

[答題難度提示]

[寫(xiě)作具體要求]

（一）內(nèi)容要點(diǎn)

1.謝絕Paul的邀請(qǐng)；

2.交代不能參加的原因；

3.推薦同學(xué)Anna代替自己參加；

4.介紹Anna的長(zhǎng)處，說(shuō)明能夠參加的理由。

（二）應(yīng)用詞匯和語(yǔ)法結(jié)構(gòu)的情況

1. 使用與主題相關(guān)的詞匯；

2. 能夠使用恰當(dāng)?shù)恼Z(yǔ)法結(jié)構(gòu)。

（三）上下文的連貫性

按照內(nèi)容要點(diǎn)展開(kāi)寫(xiě)作，使用恰當(dāng)?shù)倪B接詞或表達(dá)法使文章內(nèi)容連貫。

[ 寫(xiě)作構(gòu)思]

對(duì)于這封邀請(qǐng)信的回信，可采用以下步驟來(lái)構(gòu)思：

[ 參考范文]

Dear Paul，

Thank you very much for your invitation. Id love to accept it and take this opportunity to introduce traditional Chinese music to your friends， but Im sorry to inform you that I wont be able to make it. My grandpa is seriously ill in hospital and I should stay with him and look after him. As for the introduction speech， I strongly recommend my friend Anna， who is the most suitable person to take my place next Sunday. She began to learn music at an early age and has a broad knowledge of traditional Chinese music. With her active personality and perfect spoken English， she will make your activity a success.

Sorry again for the inconvenience and wish you great success in the activity.

Yours，

Li Hua

[ 習(xí)作點(diǎn)評(píng)]

[學(xué)生習(xí)作1]

Dear Paul，

Thank you very much for your invitation. Im grateful that you remember Im fond of traditional music and invited me to take part in the cultural communication activity. However， my grandfather was badly ill in hospital and I have to visit him and help look after him next Sunday. Im sorry I cant come.

But I think my classmate Anna is able to replace me to join in the activity. She also loves traditional culture and has some understandings on classical Chinese music. Besides， Anna is an active and easy-going girl. You can give her an opportunity to show herself and introduce traditional Chinese music to the students of your school. She will not only talk about her points in Chinese culture， but also take some results we discussed at ordinary time. Anna is suitable to take part in the activity.

Sorry again for any inconvenience and hope you can succeed in holding the activity.

Yours，

Li Hua

點(diǎn)評(píng)1

首先，該生習(xí)作覆蓋了所有內(nèi)容要點(diǎn)，文章的銜接與語(yǔ)言表達(dá)也比較通順流暢，但是文章的出彩點(diǎn)太少，語(yǔ)言表達(dá)太簡(jiǎn)單化。綜觀全文，文章的句型以簡(jiǎn)單句為主，缺乏句型的多樣性。在詞匯使用上，文章還基本停留在初中層面，缺乏亮點(diǎn)詞。

在文章結(jié)構(gòu)上，考生將文章分成三段：第一段謝絕Paul 的邀請(qǐng)，并說(shuō)明了由于爺爺生病要照顧而不能赴約的理由；第二段推薦同學(xué)Anna，羅列了她的一些強(qiáng)項(xiàng)，比較詳細(xì)；第三段結(jié)尾部分用禮貌的語(yǔ)言再次致歉和祝愿。

該作文建議給9分。

[學(xué)生習(xí)作2]

Dear Paul，

Thank you very much for your invitation.

Having heard the news that your school is hosting a conference about culture next Sunday， my enthusiasm gradually increases. I extraordinarily appreciate your invitation for my speech about traditional music which Ive been always obsessed in. Id like to do so and sure will I spare no time to do it at other time， this time， however， because of my grandfathers illness， I cant make it work， for its my responsibility to look after him for his great devotion towards me back in those days. Hear， Id like to express my sincere sorry about that.

As someone puts， “Once a problem arises， a solution comes behind.” I happened to have a close friend Anna， who is also fond of traditional music and is very tactful with her wonderful spoken English. As a point of mine， you may as well invite her to give the speech. I would send her telephone number to you， if you need.

Sorry again for any inconvenience and hope you can succeed in holding the activity.

Yours，

Li Hua

點(diǎn)評(píng)2

首先，文章最大的亮點(diǎn)在于高級(jí)詞句的使用。如：（一）“Having heard the news that your school is hosting a conference about culture next Sunday， my enthusiasm gradually increases.”該句在句首使用了非謂語(yǔ)動(dòng)詞，用作原因狀語(yǔ)，該句式就比because引導(dǎo)原因狀語(yǔ)從句更為精彩。（二）高級(jí)詞匯的使用體現(xiàn)了詞匯的豐富性，如：extraordinarily；enthusiasm；obsessed；tactful等。（三）句與句之間銜接得非常合乎邏輯，盡管看不到一個(gè)關(guān)聯(lián)詞。

然而，文章的不足之處也很明顯。如：conference用得不合場(chǎng)景；hear應(yīng)該改成here等。因而本篇文章定在第五檔，得14分比較合適。

[學(xué)生習(xí)作3]

Dear Paul，

Thank you very much for your invitation. I am fond of music， especially graceful and pop music. So， I was really excited when receiving your invitation for the activities of Chinese traditional music. I believe that I will enjoy myself and learn something new if I attend it. But unfortunately， I cant， for my grandpa is badly ill in hospital， my company is really needed for him now， and Im worried about him. So I dont think I will go to your school that day. Im genuinely sorry for that.

But dont worry， there is a girl who is a fan of Chinese traditional music， her name is Anna. For her， this activity is like the heaven. Although I cant join in it in person， I can look through the pictures she takes and listen to her talking about the things and details of the activity. I believe I will enjoy it.

Sorry again for any inconvenience and hope you can succeed in holding the activity.

Yours，

Li Hua

點(diǎn)評(píng)3

該作文最大的特色就是語(yǔ)言斷句特別得當(dāng)，特別是第一段；用詞的地道性是該文的第二大特點(diǎn)，比如，“my company is really needed for him now.”中的company使用自然，增添了文章的色彩。然而，最大的句式錯(cuò)誤也是在該句中。由于主語(yǔ)I與主語(yǔ)company是不同的，因此前后兩句話之間應(yīng)該加上連詞，可以改成“But unfortunately， I cant， for my grandpa is badly ill in hospital， so my company is really needed for him now.”。

總體而言，此文在用詞的豐富性上還有所欠缺；某些語(yǔ)言表達(dá)偏向口語(yǔ)化。建議給12～13分。

[學(xué)生習(xí)作4]

Dear Paul，

Thank you very much for your invitation. Its my honor to take part in the activity that will be held in your school. Id like to join in the discussion， which is about culture and traditional music， but Im sorry I cant go， for my grandfather has been ill. What a pity！

However， my classmate， Anna， who is fond of traditional culture， will be free net Sunday. I told her about your invitation. She was too excited to say a word after hearing that. She expressed that she would appreciate it greatly if you allowed her to come. Therefore， I hope that you can take her into consideration. Im sure she wont let you down when it comes to her， Ill tell you that she has been crazy about everything to do with traditional culture since she was young. As a result， she is good in this way. And at school， she always communicates with others， so she is good at expressing as well. In short， for me， she is the best choice who I can introduce to you.

Sorry again for any inconvenience and hope you can succeed in holding the activity.

Yours，

Li Hua

點(diǎn)評(píng)4

首先，文章最大的亮點(diǎn)在于句式的多樣性與長(zhǎng)句的寫(xiě)作。在首段，作者恰到好處地使用了“Its my honor to...”的禮貌句式，并且使用了一句層次豐富的長(zhǎng)句：“Id like to…， which…， but…， for...”。這兩句話在開(kāi)頭段就先聲奪人，展現(xiàn)出作者扎實(shí)的英語(yǔ)表達(dá)技能。除了句式，在詞匯上，作者也使用了不少精彩詞匯，例如appreciate， too…to…， let sb down等等。

總體來(lái)說(shuō)，這篇文章是語(yǔ)言精彩、要點(diǎn)完善的一篇佳作。故建議給13分。

[學(xué)生習(xí)作5]

Dear Paul，

Thank you very much for your invitation. Id like to visit your school and attend the culture communicate activity to introduce traditional Chinese music， for I really like your school and want to form a close friendship with you. However， Im afraid that I cannot come to attend， for my grandpa is ill in hospital so that I am concerned about him and need to take care of him.

There is another choice for you that my friend， Anna， who is also interested in traditional Chinese music， can visit your school for me. She knows well about Chinese culture， Im sure you can learn a lot about our culture for shes willing to communicate with you. I hope youll have a great time with her.

Sorry again for any inconvenience and I hope you can succeed in holding the activity.

Yours，

Li Hua

點(diǎn)評(píng)5

該作文在語(yǔ)言豐富性，尤其是句式豐富性方面做得十分突出。在首段中，作者就使用了一句長(zhǎng)句：“Id like to visit your school and attend the culture communicate activity to introduce traditional Chinese music， for I really like your school and want to form a close friendship with you.”該句中，作者巧用連詞for，使句子長(zhǎng)度、句子意思豐富度都加強(qiáng)了。在第二段首句中，作者將定語(yǔ)從句和there be句型結(jié)合到一起，構(gòu)成了長(zhǎng)句。建議給11分。

[學(xué)生習(xí)作6]

Dear Paul，

Thank you very much for your invitation. The activity sounds great. But Im afraid I cant attend to. My grandfather is ill and I have to take care of him in the hospital. Ill stay in the hospital on Sunday， so I have no time to join in your activity.

Even though， you can invite my classmate Anna instead. She is interested in Chinese culture and she is best at Chinese traditional music. I think she will make a wonderful speech about that. Besides， she likes joining in all kinds of clubs and activities. I promise that she will accept your invitation. If you want to invite her， I'll give you her phone numbers.

Sorry again for any inconvenience and I hope you can succeed in holding the activity.

Yours，

Li Hua

點(diǎn)評(píng)6

該作文的寫(xiě)信目的一目了然：由于爺爺住院，李華沒(méi)有時(shí)間去參加活動(dòng)，而后推薦Anna參加這次活動(dòng)，并介紹中國(guó)傳統(tǒng)音樂(lè)。在闡述Anna的時(shí)候，談到了Anna對(duì)中國(guó)傳統(tǒng)音樂(lè)有濃厚興趣以及積極參加各類活動(dòng)，具有實(shí)戰(zhàn)經(jīng)驗(yàn)，基本達(dá)到了寫(xiě)作的目的。語(yǔ)言上attend用法有誤，因?yàn)閍ttend的搭配是attend a meeting； attend a conference； attend church； attend school； attend a course； attend a wedding； attend a funeral等；而attend to 這個(gè)短語(yǔ)的意思是“照顧”，意思不對(duì)。建議給12分。