張?jiān)煸?/p>

One Monday evening， I did some cleaning at school. I went back home very late. When I was on my way to home①， I saw a man making a show with his monkeys. The monkeys made faces and it made me laugh and laugh. The monkeys were so funny that I forgot to go home.

After the show， it was half past six. I realized it was too late to get home. I couldnt wait the bus any longer so I ran as fast I could. When I got home， it was seven oclock. It was unlucky that the power was off in our town. We had no light everywhere. I knocked at the door， I hear② my sisters voice， “Why you are so late？” I didnt say anything. I was afraid to say I had spent some time in watch③ the monkey show. When the door was open， I was frightened by my sister.

“Who are you？ You look like a ghost. You arent my sister， are you？” I asked her.

“Im really your sister. Look， I put some cucumber slices onto my face. The book says the cucumber can make girls more beautiful. Sorry， I forgot the power was off tonight，” said my sister with a smile.

湖南省永州市冷水灘區(qū)竹山橋?qū)W校八（59）班 張永

點(diǎn)評(píng)

1. 優(yōu)點(diǎn)：

小作者將生活中的平凡小事寫得生動(dòng)有趣，生活氣息濃郁。本文內(nèi)容連貫，語言生動(dòng)，自然流暢，是一篇不錯(cuò)的學(xué)生習(xí)作。

2. 需要修改的地方：

① to home改為home。home是副詞，前面不能直接加to，on ones way home是固定的短語搭配；

② hear改為heard。前面用的是過去時(shí)，保持前后時(shí)態(tài)的一致性；

③ watch改為watching。in是介詞，后面的動(dòng)詞要用動(dòng)名詞。

3. 評(píng)分：

按湖南省永州市中考英語作文滿分15分的評(píng)分標(biāo)準(zhǔn)，本文修改前可得13分。