姜建軍

2016年10月起，浙江省高考英語(yǔ)科目啟用了新題型，其中寫作分為兩部分，第一部分為應(yīng)用文寫作，要求考生根據(jù)所給情景，寫一篇80詞左右的短文。

題型分析

應(yīng)用文屬實(shí)用文體，有嚴(yán)格的語(yǔ)境限制，比如確定的時(shí)間、地點(diǎn)，確定的對(duì)象、范圍，確定的行文目的等。因此，應(yīng)用文寫作應(yīng)力求主旨鮮明，格式正確，語(yǔ)言簡(jiǎn)練，語(yǔ)氣因人因事而異。

書信、電子郵件是常見(jiàn)的應(yīng)用文寫作考查題型，主要包括詢問(wèn)信、致歉信、致謝信、慰問(wèn)信、投訴信、邀請(qǐng)信、介紹信、求職信等。寫作時(shí)要注意格式正確，包含稱呼語(yǔ)（salutation），正文（body），結(jié)束語(yǔ)（complimentary close），簽名（signature）。如在2016年10月的試卷中，應(yīng)用文寫作的要求是給未曾謀面的加拿大的住家（homestay）寫一封咨詢信（Letter of Inquiry）。寫作時(shí)遣詞應(yīng)盡量客氣一些，行文應(yīng)力求具有親和力，切忌使用一些艱深的大詞，也不宜使用一些結(jié)構(gòu)過(guò)于雜糅的長(zhǎng)句。

題目要求

假定你是李華，下學(xué)期你將作為交換生（exchange student）去加拿大一所高中學(xué)習(xí)，要住在Lynn的家里。請(qǐng)給Lynn寫一封郵件，內(nèi)容包括：

1.介紹自己；

2.告知到達(dá)時(shí)間；

3.詢問(wèn)應(yīng)做何準(zhǔn)備。

注意：

1.詞數(shù)80左右；

2.可適當(dāng)增加細(xì)節(jié)，以使行文連貫。

試題要點(diǎn)分析

答題難度提示

寫作具體要求

（一）內(nèi)容要點(diǎn)

1.介紹自己；

2.告知到達(dá)時(shí)間；

3.詢問(wèn)應(yīng)做何準(zhǔn)備。

（二）應(yīng)用詞匯和語(yǔ)法結(jié)構(gòu)的情況

1.使用與主題相關(guān)的詞匯；2.能夠使用恰當(dāng)?shù)恼Z(yǔ)法結(jié)構(gòu)。

（三）上下文的連貫性

按照內(nèi)容要點(diǎn)展開寫作，使用恰當(dāng)?shù)倪B接詞或表達(dá)法使文章內(nèi)容連貫。

寫作構(gòu)思

對(duì)于這封咨詢郵件（（Letter of Inquiry），可采用以下步驟來(lái)構(gòu)思：

參考范文

Dear Lynn，

Im Li Hua， an exchange student from China. Im happy to know that Ill be staying with your family in the next few months while Im studying at the local high school. Thank you for having me！ I will arrive in Toronto on August 20th and get to your place later that afternoon. I wonder if you could give me some advice so that I can get myself better prepared for my stay in Canada.

Looking forward to seeing you！

Best wishes，

Li Hua

習(xí)作點(diǎn)評(píng)

學(xué)生習(xí)作1

Dear Lynn，

Im Li Hua， an exchange student from China. Next term Ill study in a senior high school in Canada， during which I will live in your house.

As a high school student， I do well in my schoolwork and get along well with others. After school， I am fond of reading books and watching films.

I am scheduled to arrive just a week before my class begins. And since I have never been to Canada before， I have no idea what to prepare. It would be really kind of you to give me some advice.

Looking forward to your early reply.

Yours sincerely，

Li Hua

點(diǎn)評(píng)1

這篇習(xí)作無(wú)論是內(nèi)容、結(jié)構(gòu)，還是語(yǔ)言、信件的格式，都非常好。作者表現(xiàn)出很強(qiáng)的語(yǔ)言運(yùn)用能力，應(yīng)用了較多的語(yǔ)法結(jié)構(gòu)和地道的表達(dá)，優(yōu)美的詞句用連接詞有機(jī)地組成了信件的主要部分，讀起來(lái)如行云流水，不但清晰地把信息傳達(dá)給了讀者，同時(shí)也讓人得到了美的享受，是一篇不可多得的好習(xí)作。如果吹毛求疵的話，第一段中的“l(fā)ive”用得不太妥當(dāng)，改成“stay”比較好，因?yàn)樵诩幽么笫嵌虝旱耐Ａ?。還有“After school， I am fond of reading books and watching films”這句中的“am fond of ”和“After school”不太搭，因?yàn)橐粋€(gè)人的喜好不只是放學(xué)后才有的。然瑕不掩瑜，這篇習(xí)作的得分可以進(jìn)入第五檔。

學(xué)生習(xí)作2

Dear Lynn，

Im Li Hua， an exchange student from a Chinese high school. Its my great honor to go to your country for further education which will broaden my horizons. Nothing can delight me so much as living in your house. It is your enthusiasm， I think， that will make me feel at home. By the way， I will arrive at your house at March 1st next term. Therefore， I want to know what I should make preparations for the trip so that I could prepare ahead of time. In the end， thank you in advance. Waiting for your reply.

Yours sincerely，

Li Hua

點(diǎn)評(píng)2

這篇習(xí)作格式正確，并覆蓋了所有內(nèi)容要點(diǎn)，語(yǔ)言簡(jiǎn)練明了。作者具備較強(qiáng)的語(yǔ)言運(yùn)用能力，詞匯豐富，比如“further education”“ahead of time”，感情色彩明顯，比如“my great honor”“Nothing can delight me so much”，嘗試著使用較復(fù)雜的結(jié)構(gòu)，比如強(qiáng)調(diào)句型“It is your enthusiasm， I think， that will make me feel at home”。語(yǔ)句間的連接成分“By the way”和“Therefore”讓全文結(jié)構(gòu)緊湊。不過(guò)有三處表達(dá)有些欠妥：“I want to know what I should make preparations for the trip so that I could prepare ahead of time”這句話應(yīng)該調(diào)整為“I want to know what preparation I should make for the trip so that I could prepare ahead of time”；“In the end， thank you in advance”中的“In the end”應(yīng)刪去；“Waiting for your reply”可以措辭更加客氣些。綜上所述，這篇習(xí)作的得分可以進(jìn)入第五檔。

學(xué)生習(xí)作3

Dear Lynn，

Im writing to you to tell you that I will study in your countrys high school as an exchange student. And I will live with you together.

My name is Li Hua. I am very outgoing， considerate and kind. I get along well with my classmates， so I thought we will become good friends. And I have a command of English， so I could help you if you have the problem in English.

Another thing I want to tell you is that I will arrive in September 1st. Whats more， I intend to ask you that something I should prepare for my life and study.

If you can tell me these， I will be thankful to you. I hope you can reply me quickly. Best wishes！

Li Hua

點(diǎn)評(píng)3

這篇習(xí)作格式正確，結(jié)構(gòu)清晰，要點(diǎn)完全覆蓋，開門見(jiàn)山直奔主題，而且表達(dá)地道。語(yǔ)法結(jié)構(gòu)和詞匯方面基本準(zhǔn)確，“I intend to ask you that something I should prepare for my life and study” 這句是因?yàn)閲L試賓語(yǔ)從句出現(xiàn)了一點(diǎn)錯(cuò)誤，應(yīng)該改為：“I intend to ask you what I should prepare for my life and study”。作者詞匯較豐富，使用了形容詞“outgoing， considerate and kind”，還有詞組“get along well with”等。但遺憾的是文章篇幅較大，語(yǔ)言不夠精練，導(dǎo)致詞數(shù)達(dá)到131，超過(guò)了所要求的詞數(shù)最大上限（100詞）。因此應(yīng)從所得總分中減去2分，這篇習(xí)作的得分可以進(jìn)入第四檔。

學(xué)生習(xí)作4

Dear Lynn，

Hello， my name is Li Hua， a exchange student who will go to Canada to study， and I will live with you while Im studying there. I will arrive in Canada at the end of the next month and I wish that you can pick me up your home. As a Chinese student， I dont know what I should prepare for my life living in Canada or if I should give something up which is useless.

Look forward your quick message！

Yours，

Li Hua

點(diǎn)評(píng)4

這篇習(xí)作格式正確，要點(diǎn)基本覆蓋：①介紹了自己，“my name is Li Hua， a exchange student”； ②告知了達(dá)到時(shí)間，“I will arrive in Canada at the end of the next month”； ③詢問(wèn)了應(yīng)做何準(zhǔn)備，“I dont know what I should prepare for my life living in Canada”。整體而言，基本達(dá)到了預(yù)期的寫作目的，應(yīng)用的語(yǔ)法結(jié)構(gòu)和詞匯能滿足任務(wù)的要求。但有一些語(yǔ)法結(jié)構(gòu)或詞匯方面的錯(cuò)誤，比如冠詞的使用不當(dāng)，“a exchange student”應(yīng)該是“an exchange student”；郵件的結(jié)尾部分“Look forward your quick message”不能用祈使句，應(yīng)該是“Im looking forward to...”的省略。其中的動(dòng)詞短語(yǔ)漏掉了一個(gè)介詞，而且用詞“message”也不準(zhǔn)確，改成“Looking forward to your early reply！”比較好。因此這篇習(xí)作的得分可以進(jìn)入第三檔。

學(xué)生習(xí)作5

Dear Lynn，

My name is Li Hua. I will be an exchange student to a high school in Canada for study. And I will live in your house.

I will go there in October next year. But I dont know what can I bring， Im strange. How can I get along well with others？ How about theres weather？ How about theres people？ What are they like doing？ Can you tell me？

I will help your letter. Thank you very much！

Yours，

Li Hua

點(diǎn)評(píng)5

這篇習(xí)作格式正確，介紹自己這個(gè)要點(diǎn)寫得很好。有一些語(yǔ)法結(jié)構(gòu)和詞匯方面的錯(cuò)誤，如“I dont know what can I bring”賓語(yǔ)從句誤用了疑問(wèn)句詞序，應(yīng)該改為“I dont know what I can bring”。較少使用語(yǔ)句間的連接成分，內(nèi)容缺少連貫性，比如“But I dont know what can I bring， Im strange”，此處作者想要表達(dá)“因?yàn)槲沂峭獾厝?，所以不知道該帶什么”，?yīng)該寫成“But I dont know what I can bring because I am a stranger ”。另外“How about theres weather？ How about theres people？ What are they like doing？ Can you tell me？ ”句語(yǔ)法錯(cuò)誤太多，影響了對(duì)寫作內(nèi)容的理解，導(dǎo)致信息未能清楚地傳達(dá)給讀者?？膳袨榈诙n。

學(xué)生習(xí)作6

To Lynn，

Dear Lynn， my name is Li Hua. Next weekend， I need to Canada. I need study in Canada. Im a exchange student. Im 18 years old. Please tell me. What is it doing for me？Im very interesting. Are you welcome me？If you speak “yes”. I will very happy. Thanks for you.

Yours Li Hua

2016，10，16

點(diǎn)評(píng)6

這篇習(xí)作格式不太符合信件的格式，特別是簽名和時(shí)間的表達(dá)。 “Yours，”和“Li Hua”應(yīng)該分兩行寫。日期是中文格式，應(yīng)該用英文格式“October 16， 2016”寫在稱呼語(yǔ)的上方。明顯遺漏了“詢問(wèn)該做何準(zhǔn)備”這個(gè)要點(diǎn)?？赡芪蠢斫庠囶}要求，寫了一些無(wú)關(guān)內(nèi)容。如：“What is it doing for me？Im very interesting. Are you welcome me？”出現(xiàn)了較多語(yǔ)法結(jié)構(gòu)、詞匯方面的錯(cuò)誤，如：①誤用動(dòng)詞，“Next weekend I need to Canada”應(yīng)該寫成：“Next weekend I will come to Canada” ；②形容詞誤用為動(dòng)詞，如“I will very happy”應(yīng)該改成“I will be very happy”。此外，全文缺乏語(yǔ)句間的連接成分，內(nèi)容不連貫?？膳袨榈谝粰n。