摘 要:“藝術(shù)起于至微”。好的讀后續(xù)寫是由好的細(xì)節(jié)描寫引起的,讓人跌宕起伏、令人心潮澎湃,仿若身臨其境的感覺??墒悄壳案咧猩淖x后續(xù)寫存在不知如何進行細(xì)節(jié)描寫的情況,使讀后續(xù)寫的情節(jié)過于簡單、語言索然無味,令讀者毫無興趣。為此,筆者采用“Show, Don't tell”的文學(xué)技巧,幫助高中生豐富讀后續(xù)寫的細(xì)節(jié)描寫。細(xì)節(jié)描寫得越細(xì),讀后續(xù)寫的語言就越生動形象,續(xù)寫的內(nèi)容也會越加豐滿,人物形象也會被刻畫得栩栩如生,從而達到身臨其境、呼之欲出的細(xì)節(jié)效果。
關(guān)鍵詞:展示;講述;讀后續(xù)寫;細(xì)節(jié)描寫
作者簡介:郭合英,杭州市臨平區(qū)杭州二中樹蘭高級中學(xué)。
一、引言
讀后續(xù)寫為學(xué)生提供一篇350詞左右的閱讀材料,要求學(xué)生根據(jù)材料內(nèi)容和兩段的段落開頭語,寫出150詞左右的文章,不僅要求情節(jié)合理、語言豐富,而且需要與前文有邏輯銜接。該題型旨在讓學(xué)生在充分理解原文的基礎(chǔ)上,根據(jù)協(xié)同進行合理想象,然后運用豐富、貼切、地道的語言進行讀后續(xù)寫。它將學(xué)生的輸入和輸出巧妙地結(jié)合在一起。王初明曾說:“語言要模仿,內(nèi)容要創(chuàng)造?!边@要求學(xué)生在閱讀材料時要注意原文的語言特點,然后根據(jù)協(xié)同,將原文的語言特色和句式特點巧妙地運用到自己的后續(xù)文章中,避免語言簡單、枯燥。
二、學(xué)生目前存在的問題
回顧這幾年的讀后續(xù)寫真題,無論是最先采用讀后續(xù)寫的浙江卷,還是新高考模式的山東卷,均是記敘文體裁。記敘文以其創(chuàng)造性、形象性和情趣性的特點使其非常適合于讀后續(xù)寫這一素材。目前學(xué)生情節(jié)描寫主要存在的問題有:第一,重情節(jié)輕細(xì)節(jié)。學(xué)生只寫出了情節(jié)發(fā)展,沒有細(xì)節(jié)的描述,導(dǎo)致寫出來的文章枯燥、乏味。第二,雖有細(xì)節(jié)描寫,但只是平鋪直敘,毫無美感可言。第三,沒有建立寫作語料庫,對于細(xì)節(jié)描寫有“書到用時方恨少”之感。
三、細(xì)節(jié)描寫在讀后續(xù)寫中的作用
“藝術(shù)起于至微”,這是列夫·托爾斯泰對細(xì)節(jié)重要性的高度認(rèn)可。他認(rèn)為細(xì)節(jié)描寫在很大程度上決定作品的優(yōu)劣。郁達夫曾說:一粒沙里見世界,半瓣花上說人情。契訶夫曾說“Don't tell the moon is shining; show me the glint of light on broken glass. ”,可見讀后續(xù)寫的內(nèi)容要“于細(xì)微處見精神”, 避免直來直去地單一表述,而是要通過細(xì)節(jié)描寫呈現(xiàn)不同的畫面感,讓文字活靈活現(xiàn),讓讀者置身其中,真正體會作者的寫作意圖。細(xì)節(jié)描寫得越細(xì),讀后續(xù)寫的語言就越形象生動,續(xù)寫的內(nèi)容也會越加豐滿,人物形象也會被刻畫得栩栩如生,從而達到身臨其境、呼之欲出的細(xì)節(jié)效果。
為避免學(xué)生讀后續(xù)寫的細(xì)節(jié)描寫枯燥乏味,筆者采用 “Show, Don't tell”的文學(xué)技巧,幫助學(xué)生提高細(xì)節(jié)描寫能力,使讀后續(xù)寫的內(nèi)容生動形象,給讀者如聞其聲、如臨其境的感覺。
四、什么是“Show, Don't tell”
“Show, Don't tell”漢語譯為“展示,不要講述”?!杜=蚋唠A英漢雙解詞典》(第9版)給出了這樣的解釋,“tell:give information to sb. by speaking or writing; show: to make sth. clear, to prove sth.”,可見tell是直接給出結(jié)果,是靜態(tài)的,對事情的描述比較寬泛、抽象; show是不解釋,而是通過典型的語言、動作、心理等細(xì)節(jié)描寫呈現(xiàn)或證明事物的結(jié)果,是動態(tài)的,對事情的描述更加窄小、具體。2018年Wikipedia指出讀者對故事的體驗不是通過作者的直接說明或總結(jié),而是通多對人物的動作、語言、感覺等各種細(xì)節(jié)的具體描寫來體驗的。由此,教師要教會學(xué)生挑選典型的、有啟發(fā)性的、代表性的細(xì)節(jié)進行描寫,去塑造個性鮮明、生動形象的主人公角色,推動故事情節(jié)跌宕起伏而又扣人心弦地向前發(fā)展。
五、“Show, Don't tell”技巧在讀后續(xù)寫中的具體運用
筆者結(jié)合2021年1月浙江高考真題,具體闡述運用 “Show, Don't tell”技巧如何提高讀后續(xù)寫的細(xì)節(jié)描寫,豐富續(xù)寫的內(nèi)容。該讀后續(xù)寫主題是家庭趣事,主要講了在萬圣節(jié)到來時,父親立下規(guī)矩:孩子中誰搬回家的南瓜最大誰就是贏家。可是在刻南瓜燈之前,“我”忘記稱重了。為了證明“我”的南瓜是最大的,我毫不猶豫地把頭套進南瓜里,結(jié)果怎么都拔不出來了……
Para.1:I was stuck for five or six minutes though it felt much longer.
Para.2:That video was posted online the Monday before Halloween.
從續(xù)寫兩段的給出句,可以知道第一段情節(jié)主要圍繞“我”的頭如何從南瓜里出來而展開的。第二段主要圍繞視頻被傳到網(wǎng)上后粉絲的反應(yīng)及“我”的反應(yīng)及不同的情感變化。筆者從以下幾個方面幫助學(xué)生提升細(xì)節(jié)的描寫。
(一)增加五種感官的細(xì)節(jié)描寫,讓讀者感受到不同的場景變換
視覺、味覺、聽覺、嗅覺和觸覺是人們感知世界的方式。好的作者會巧妙地將這五種感覺運用于細(xì)節(jié)描寫中,增加故事的曲折性,讓情節(jié)扣人心弦、耐人回味。如第一段:
Tell: I was stuck for five or six minutes though it felt much longer. I tried many ways to pull my head from the pumpkin, but it didn't work. Eventually, my head was pulled out with my family helping me. At the same time, my mom filmed the whole process.
Show: I was stuck for five or six minutes though it felt much longer. While I worked my fingers to the bone to pull the pumpkin up, but in vain.(觸覺)The thin air inside the pumpkin almost suffocated me for lack of oxygen and some kind of bad smelling came from inside it, which made made my stomach feel like it was churning. (嗅覺) The more I heard their laughter, the more anxious I became, which made me be like a cat on hot bricks, stamping my foot. (聽覺+觸覺) Watching my unusual behaviour, my father came over to help me in a hurry. (視覺) He swooped a knife and pierced the pumpkin with care into two.(觸覺)Eventually, my head got the movement freely and the air is as fresh as roses, lingering around my nose, which made me full of the the joys of spring. (嗅覺) During the time, my mom's camera witnessed the whole process.(視覺)
通過采用“Show”的技巧,從觸覺、聽覺、嗅覺等感官進行細(xì)節(jié)描寫,呈現(xiàn)出一幅栩栩如生、扣人心弦、隨著五官不斷變換的立體畫面。
(二)增加情感的細(xì)節(jié)描寫,豐富人物的內(nèi)心世界
讀后續(xù)寫有兩條線:情節(jié)線和情感線。教師可以引導(dǎo)學(xué)生通過不同的方面豐富主人公的內(nèi)心世界,對情節(jié)發(fā)展起烘托作用。比如第二段情節(jié)主人公的變化:視頻被傳到網(wǎng)上后的尷尬(embarrassed)→被無數(shù)人點贊后的欣慰/開心(relieved/happy)→意外成為網(wǎng)紅的吃驚(surprised)→ 粉絲求簽名和留影時的開心(happy)。
That video was posted online the Monday before Halloween. At the outset, I had an egg on my face due to an awkward dilemma.(視頻被傳到網(wǎng)上后的尷尬) However, my mom told me with pride that the video filmed by her was so popular that it attracted millions of followers and received a thousand and one likes. Hearing the news, I almost laughed my head off. (被無數(shù)人點贊后的開心) Never in my wildest dreams was it the video that made me become a web celebrity, which made my jaw drop.(意外成為網(wǎng)紅的吃驚) Everywhere I went, there were millions of followers, asking for my signature and taking photos with them, which made me float on air.(粉絲求簽名和留影時的開心)What an unforgettable Halloween for me!
主人公的情緒變化是推動故事情節(jié)發(fā)展的重要因素之一。通過聚焦情感的細(xì)節(jié)表達,主人公豐富的情感躍然紙上,同時也牽動讀者的心隨著主人公的變化而變化,增強了學(xué)生的代入感。倘若讀后續(xù)寫沒有情感表達,那么讀后續(xù)寫就會顯得生硬、無趣。
(三)增加環(huán)境的細(xì)節(jié)描寫,寄情于景
在讀后續(xù)寫中環(huán)境描寫的運用可以烘托氣氛,襯托人物的內(nèi)心世界。如“我的”頭從南瓜里被拔出來之后的愜意:
Tell: The sensation was agreeable.
Show: The air which is as fresh as roses lingered my nose; the setting sun of winter lazily gave off the orange light, enveloping the room; Sitting in the sofa, I enjoyed them,which made me come back to life again.
(四)借助合適、貼切的詞匯,使細(xì)節(jié)描寫更精準(zhǔn)
合適、貼切的詞匯不僅可以交代人物的身份、地位,表現(xiàn)人物的性格特征,有時候還能推動故事情節(jié)的進一步發(fā)展。
學(xué)生原作:I began to regret that I put my whole head into the pumpkin.
《牛津高階英漢雙解詞典》(第9版)這樣注解“put: to move sth into a particular place or position.”,比如“The teacher put the book on the desk after class.”,這里的“put”表明“place or position”足夠?qū)挸?,可以實現(xiàn)出入自由,顯然,這與后面的“頭拔不出來”相背而行。
squeeze: to press sth firmly, especially with your finger.
force: to use physical strength to move sb./sth. into a particular position
“squeeze”或“force”強調(diào)了用力,說明南瓜口窄小,為后面的“頭拔不出來”很好地做了鋪墊。顯然,這里用“squeeze”or “force”比用“put”更貼切,更符合當(dāng)時的場景。
改進后:I began to regret that I squeezed/forced my whole head into the pumpkin.
可見,教師在選擇詞的時候,宜小不宜大,宜具體不宜籠統(tǒng)。教師平時要注意對學(xué)生這方面的訓(xùn)練。學(xué)生平時也要做好語言的積累。只有充足的積累,才能應(yīng)用自如。
(五)增加修辭的運用,使細(xì)節(jié)描寫呈現(xiàn)凸凹有致的畫面感
修辭主要有比喻、夸張、擬人、通感等,它們可以恰當(dāng)?shù)乇憩F(xiàn)出主人公當(dāng)時的心境。如主人公想把南瓜從頭上取下來,但沒有取下來后著急地表達:
Tell: I had no way to get it out, and I was very anxious.
Show: (1) I tried again and again, but nothing came of it, which made me feel like a cat on
hot bricks.
“我”向弟弟求助后,弟弟幫“我”拔南瓜的表達:
Tell: My brother helped me to pull it.
Show: My brother , John, seized the pumpkin and pulled it over and over again, like a farmer
pulling a carrot form his garden, but still in vain.
把南瓜從頭上取下來后“我”的感覺:
Tell: I felt comfortable.
Show: I closed my eyes, shaking my head lightly from one side to another. My even breath and the sweet sunshine let my heart bloom quietly like a flower.
增加修辭后的差別一目了然,可見想讓讀后續(xù)寫的語言鮮活起來,就要恰當(dāng)使用一些修辭手法。修辭的使用不僅可以使語言生動活潑,還能提高語言的說服力和感染力,而且畫面感十足。
(六)增加無靈主語,使語言更加靈動、地道
思維決定語言。用有生命的人或物作主語是中國人喜歡的方式,用無靈名詞(沒有生命的名詞)作主語是西方人的思維方式和表達習(xí)慣。只有語言地道,文章的可讀性才強。
如主人公后悔把頭套進南瓜里:
Tell: I felt regretful.
Show: Regret seized me, I burying my face in my hands.
母親拍下了這一切:
Tell: My mother filmed the whole process.
Show: My mom's camera witnessed the whole process.
無靈主語不僅增加了主語的多樣性,而且使句子瞬間充滿了生命力,可謂是地道又靈動。
如果將其運用到讀后續(xù)寫中,那么語言方面就能出奇制勝、高人一籌。
(七)增加俚語表達,使語言更加地道、有趣
俚語是美國人或英國人常用的非正式的、夸張的語言。它的使用可以讓語言變得生動有趣。比如第一段續(xù)寫在描寫主人公把頭套進南瓜拔不出來的后悔心理:
Tell: I felt very regretful that I hadn't forced my head into the pumpkin.
Show: I rued the day if only I hadn't forced my head into the pumpkin.
rue本意就是“后悔”,rue the day后悔一整天,生動地表達了“非常后悔”。
第二段寫到主人公得知視頻被傳到網(wǎng)上的尷尬:
Tell: I felt very embarrassed at the news.
Show: I had an egg on my face at the news.
試想一下一個人的臉上有個雞蛋那該有多“尷尬”呀。
六、結(jié)語
“Show, Don't tell”這一文學(xué)技巧不僅可以引導(dǎo)學(xué)生完善故事情節(jié),還能給讀者留下想象的空間,讓讀者對呆板的文字有靈動的感受,仿若“如見其人、如臨其境”。簡單地說,“show”可以幫助學(xué)生在讀后續(xù)寫中通過多樣化的細(xì)節(jié)描寫,形成自己的語言特色,有效提升語言表達,使續(xù)寫內(nèi)容由淺入深、續(xù)寫語言扣人心弦,從而寫出耐人尋味的佳作!
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